CHILDREN HAVE NEVER HAD A HOLIDAY! MASSIVE GUILT!

[Una22]

I have recently been speaking to a friend who says my children have never had a proper holiday. They are 4 and 11. Most years we go away for at least 4 nights to a caravan park and she states she feels sorry for them as 4 nights away is not a holiday! My eldest does not want to go on a plane and I would not like to force him (he is autistic) plus he loves going to the caravan parks. I feel dreadful now as I feel now my kids have never had a holiday! We are saving towards a deposit for a house and I just feel that needs to take priority instead of spending loads of money on holiday which my children probably wouldnt enjoy. We also have our Mother in laws caravan that we stay in on a regular basis but again thats not a holiday! Was just looking for some honest opinions I feel like I am failing them. We are always doing various things with them but we just dont have lots of money.

This person is not a friend, and is an idiot. My DC had plenty of summer holidays that were in caravans, either in the uk or France. No one ever suggested those were not holidays.

You need to practise some smart responses to this person, starting with ‘Don’t be ridiculous! They are holidays and our Dc love them.’

Or just dump her.

Are your kids happy? Are you happy? Because that is ALL that matters and your friend is no friend.

I stayed at a fancy hotel last week in wales and they had a big sign up advertising staycations. It irritated me!
I considered myself on holiday. Saw Welsh flag and road signs, there were Welsh cakes in room. Welsh food on breakfast buffet. Massive fancy pool - I lay on sunlounger in hot sun. For kids there’s all sorts of zip lines, adventure golf.
I really fail to see how if it was in Spain etc it’s a holiday if it’s in Wales it’s not.

You could say oh aren’t you worried about environmental impact of flying but personally I’d concentrate on nicer friends.

I did, very briefly, hide a small smile when his toddler dd was going through the tantrum stage - then I was very sympathetic and offered support and advice.

Your friend is a right bitch for saying this and making you feel awful.

I didn’t go on a plane until I was 14 yet twice a year we went to a caravan park in Devon, Cornwall etc.

They are some of my fondest memories and I actually as an adult (without children) still visit just for the warm nostalgic feelings.

Ignore your miserable so called friend.

When our dses were little, all our holidays were self-catering in the UK. We did lots of things like visiting castles, museums, beaches - and they remember none of it!

Apart from going to London when aged 18 months staying with family I didn't go on my first holiday until I was 11 years old and that was to Torquay staying in a holiday park with family, extended family and family friends.

Your 'friend' is vile - of course it's a holiday! How judgmental of her.

OP my kids are older than yours. One thing I noticed over the years is that kids literally don’t care how long a holiday is. We’re okay for money and the kids love a boring, sun beach holiday. We have never, ever been on one for more than a week as I get really bored and they haven’t ever noticed our holidays are shorter than other peoples. For kids it’s about the experience and going nor the relaxation/ getting away for it that adults want.

FWIW caravan holidays are great with young children, we did loads when mine were younger.

We had many a happy time in caravans when I was a child and I have very fond memories of these lovely holidays.

I think you need nicer friends!

Well glad your feeling better OP.

My kid have done 7 days in UK on hoilday- that's it - then 7 + days with relatives in another part of UK.

Been told on some staycation word definition threads my kids haven't been on holiday - of course they have. They've also been abroad - on school trips - so got aboard well before I personally ever did.

They are older teens adult snow and they are perfectly well adjusted adult more than capabale of getting round UK and beyond on their own often better than their peers who had two weeks abroard.

Your friend is being daft. Caravan parks are real holiday destinations! But do take care that not all holidays are dictated by the needs of your eldest and remember that they do not always have to include every family member. We spent many years at the same holiday cottage near the north east coast, partly because my oldest was tricky with holidays and loved that. We started to do a few more things and branch out a bit as my youngest got a bit older and wanted to do different things.

Sorry I voted you YABU but I meant to feel guilty about these things.

You know what works for your family and what you need.

I barely went on holiday as a kid and when we did my autistic parent would really struggle - they prefer to be at home or solo holidays.

I think I was lucky in that my friends never went on holiday much either. So it wasn’t so obvious. My kids are under holidayed compared with their friends but also house deposit was a priority for us too.

We are consciously trying to do more and have found the Eurostar worth the additional expenses with autistic kids. Honestly the state of the planet, you can feel smug not jetting off every year.

I know two decently privileged families who refuse air travel altogether and rarely go abroad and it’s not experienced / treated like a hardship but as something to be proud of. Reframe it as meeting your family’s needs too.

That said, I do like to expose my ASD kids to new things and push their comfort zone. But if money is tight or has different priorities, it’s hard to spend the money for a holiday on something that’s likely to be hard and not relaxing.

Your holidays might not work for this friend, but they don’t need to. They only need to work for your family.

Holidays are lovely, but they are not essential. Most people, at most times in history, did not have holidays, yet the human race survived and thrived. And besides, your children do have holidays, just not the kind of holidays your friend prefers. Expensive holidays are usually wasted on young children anyway.

I never went abroad with my parents as a child. We went to Butlins one year less that 2 hours from home. I also used to go to a caravan with my Nan, that was about half an hour from home. I have lovely memories of those times.

Definition of a holiday is

the regular periods of time when you are not at work or school, or time that you spend travelling or relaxing away from home

A holiday was a foreign concept in Singapore (where I grew up) until the 1990s when we became a more affluent society. We didnt travel but always did something during the holidays though - lots of picnics at the seaside and outdoor activities and staycations at relatives' homes. It was more than enough. Please do not feel guilty about the caravan holidays as long as your children enjoy them. These days my friends and family in Singapore travel incessantly and spend mindlessly but I do not think that they are any happier.

My first ever holiday was in a caravan for a few days when I was 16... I would definitely count it as a holiday.

Your friend is wrong. You are thinking of their future and saving for a home. That's much more important than an Instagram friendly holiday!! Your kids have had holidays. Many people like your friend are probably in debt and stressed with their kids because they prioritise the 'perfect' holiday!!

When I was a kid I was taken on all kind of foreign holidays. All I longed for was a few days in Blackpool! Please don't feel bad

I consider 4 nights a holiday. I don't consider your friend a good friend of yours or a nice person.

My dc went abroad at 5/3 and not again until they were 19/17. Honestly they are well adjusted young adults who now travel, as do I now I have more more money. And when we did the first holiday it was awful, hot sticky, tired children I hated every minute. I was cabin crew at the time and vowed never to do it again!! Your friend is daft

The first thing that came to mind when I read your OP was "comparison is the thief of joy" an old but very true saying, and good to keep in mind.

The second thing that came to mind is that this friend is very stupid and you should not take anything she says seriously, much less get upset and guilty about.

My PIL didn’t go abroad until they were 65&67! This was through lack of funds. They have been a couple more times since, but still travel in UK several times a year. They would definitely disagree that they didn’t have a holiday until the age of 65!

Your friend sounds like an absolute bitch tbh