My colleague gives me the rage!

[DaisyToo]

We have a new member of staff who has been with us for nearly 7 months and I find she gives me the rage! 😂 The poor woman has done nothing to me but she has quirks / habits that really grate me. I have worked with horrible people in the past but i didn't feel like this!
It's like she's the human equivalent to when you can't stand loud chewing. It gives you the rage in a complete irrational way! 😂

Has anyone worked with anyone like that?!

@FamousFriends hilarious, we have someone like this who talks us through everything he has to do as normal part and parcel of his job.

She sounds socially awkward. If you are an established team it can feel difficult to join in when either a couple of people or the team are merrily chatting in the office. She’s probably listening because she doesn’t know when or how to interject.

In terms of dealing with queries it could be that she feels that she doesn’t have the experience to deal with the difficult queries or doesn’t want to deal with them for fear of stepping on people’s toes. Colleagues can get arsey if you’re new and pick up the more interesting or complex stuff.

You are making assumptions that she’s annoying and/or lazy but I can guarantee if you actually spoke to her to find out why she doesn’t join in, make social chit chat or take the more complicated queries her answer would be very different.

You don’t sound very nice. Suggest you use this for a bit of self reflection. You might also want to set up a system whereby the queries are dealt with in order so everyone gets a fair crack at both the simple and difficult queries.

It denotes a difference between the physical and the cultural.

Each post from the OP complaining about her suggests more that she's missing a difference related to hearing.

'It's an open plan office and if you are within listening distance you can naturally hear ppls conversations. Theres no need to turn your head to listen.'

Not always, you don't. And yes, for some people, there is a need.

Phoning another team when there's all this background noise around, workplace phones can be absolutely rubbish and the other teams might have even more noise, music, speak very quickly, quietly or with a strong accent - or worst of all, insist upon having their phones on sodding handsfree - can be impossible.

I've got people at work who I can understand clearly, they don't make a thing about me looking away to concentrate on what they are saying, don't insist upon eye contact at the expense of lipreading, don't whisper or try to keep their faces as impassive and unmoving as possible (by the way, Botox and fillers are absolute bastards for anybody in that sense). That doesn't mean I'll be able to hear or understand everybody on the planet.

If you read my post fully she listens in intently when I am speaking low with my colleague. She is most certainly listening in!

Oh gosh I used to work with a skin picker , acrylic nails and a constant noise of pick pick pick - asked to move desks in the end

These are conversations between me and another colleague. Noone interjects as it's nothing to do with them! She literally is a nosy fucker! I am not sure why people think being rude and nosey equates to socially awkward!

@DelphiniumDoreen also she didn't mind "stepping on out toes" when she literally has taken ownership of a nice piece of work which we do.

I know exactly why she won't do the more complicated queries - it's nothing to do with being lazy which I have never said she was or anything to do with stepping on anyone's toes!

We brought in a rule that tickets are dealt with first come, first served, to avoid cherry picking. It was pointed out everyone shoukd be able to deal with all tickets, and need to, because people are allowed to take leave. While we do each have our own technical specialisms, we are all capable of doing the basic stuff, like checking you've got all the contact details, and going back to ask other questions as needed, like, "you say X doesn't work- do you get an error message? If do, what is it? When did it last work for you? How far do you get before it gives you the error?" New staff may need guidance, tricky tickets may need escalating, but everyone should be able to do the basics.

So I would st least raise thst. The listening in and do on, you probably can't do much about, other than deciding not to discuss anything that should be confidential when she's there.

Honestly, has all the hallmarks of ADHD, especially the starting conversation half way through that were in her head.

Yes she is listening, so is everyone else within earshot.

Do you think people should stick their fingers in their ears whenever you start talking to someone that’s not you?
You’re literally in the same room as her.

You can’t have a conversation around other people and moan that they can hear.

If you don’t want her or anyone else listening, go and talk in private.

Conversely, this reminds me so much of when I worked at a certain red & white budget airline (with the silver & red aircraft…) on check-in many years ago. The entire team’s motto was “If your face don’t fit…..” followed by a silly expression and they lived by this motto and sadly, so did the managers. There was a big clique consisting of the Station Manager and allllllll the other managers along with the permanent staff and then the ‘chosen ones’ (who had been kept on beyond the initial temporary summer contract because they were liked and accepted as part of the clique group) and if you weren’t in that group then not only were you not kept on after the initial summer contract but you were never chosen (yes, chosen) each day after your check-in shift, to go through to departures to board the passengers and get an extra 2/3 hours pay. In order to be chosen, we all had to stand behind our check in desk in a very specific ‘pose’ with our mandatory post-box red lipstick & nails, whilst the male manager walked up & down quietly and selected who he wanted to work with him in departures. Of course it was always those in the clique and I was selected just once in the entire 6 months when a female was covering for him……I’m disabled and was hugely resented by a lot of staff as my wheelchair was “in the bloody way” what a surprise….
Every time I wheeled past one of them in the terminal, I got “If your face don’t fit…🥴” said loudly so I could hear. This was even said in front of the Airport Manager once who just smirked. There was nobody to report this to, they were (and from what I hear, still are) all in on it. I absolutely would’ve left immediately but working for an airline was my lifelong dream and it was at the time, the only self-hiring airline based at my local airport. I really wanted that job and worked incredibly hard to keep it.
So if your DS/DD mentions applying to work for a budget airline with a red & white logo, I strongly advise against it. I also advise against taking part in low-level bullying like the OP. As 14 years later that 6 months at the airline still affects my self esteem and my confidence. It still hurts.

Sounds very tricky to be placed next to the bosses daughter and not the sort of situation public servants have to deal with normally. Senior management needs to help if it’s not working.

I’d say it’s highly likely yes. I’m autistic and I absolutely love being organised and following rules and hitting deadlines so I don’t think we meshed well together due to our issues! So it was really annoying when she lost my £200 piece of equipment that I’d personally bought for my use only and told her (and the entire office) not to borrow it and she did anyway and lost it. After I bought a new one I made sure i dragged it home every night after that just in case! And it was very annoying when we had been told we MUST finish something by a certain point and she agreed to do what I asked her then she got distracted and didn’t do it meaning my work never got finished on time and I got in shit. But again, I just made sure I didn’t rely on her again after that and did it all myself even if it meant working later. I much prefer working by myself these days and only relying on me!

To be honest I’m sure I used to annoy a lot of my co workers years ago before I was diagnosed and struggled to do certain things others could easily. I’ve learned a lot about myself now and think I’m much easier to work with! I look back on my old behaviours at times with a lot of embarrassment!

^ this

You very clearly don’t like her. You and your colleague talk in low voices. Perhaps she is paranoid you are talking about her.

It all sounds a bit toxic. Perhaps you should consider changing jobs if she’s that much of a thorn in your side.

The PP who said you were projecting seems to be right. This comment shows it. You have issue with her not making small talk and just talking about work, you say you do the same. The other things you have issue with sound like they are due to being shy, you too say you are shy.

Nah. They just don’t like her.

This is a really sensible attitude. I would like to work with you. You are good vibes

Well if you’re talking in an open plan office other people around you are going to hear. You said you can see her “staring listening in” seems you’re the one that is nosey, you’re looking at her when you’re talking! You’re the one that appears to be “fucking rude”. You’ve admitted you don’t like her because of her boss, you come across really jealous of her and don’t go off very well at all.

Yeah agree. Saying she’s X, Y and Z but also admitting to being X,Y and Z. Hypocritical much 🙄

This !!!! This has been me as a new colleague the past 2 months, its been hard trying to adapt with a whole new job and new people in a new team. Some have been helpful and welcoming. Some not so much.

Tbf it was a year ago that the OP posted so hopefully they have sorted things out

Absolutely have not sorted things out. She's an absolute dick and other ppl in the wider team are getting annoyed with her too.

Loved how everyone here was falling over with every excuse under the sun to explain her shit behaviour. She is a knob.

Tbf I can see that was a year ago!! No reason why i cant share my opinion on a social platform a year later, is there?

Resurrecting a zombie thread will usually elicit some comment on here. 🤷‍♀️

Sounds hideous! Some people are in fact just total bellends!