In laws and partners family visiting to see new baby 👶

[elizabethxxx]

Hello!

I am 37 weeks pregnant :)

my partners family are coming to visit at the end of July to see the baby. For context his parents live out the country, but his sister, niece and sisters partner live in the UK.

we have a two bedroom house and his parents are staying in the spare bedroom and his sister, her partner and niece in the living room.

my parents offered to have some of them stay at theirs however because of the language barrier his family said no (they’ve also not met before).

I feel bad three of them will have to stay in the living room (it’s uncomfortable and I’m sure they would like their own space). So I suggested to my partner we stay at my families house (a 15-20 minute drive away) and 6 minutes on the train. So they can all have their own bedroom. My partner is not overly keen on this, and says his family won’t like it.

the only other thing I can think of is if we sleep in the living room. However with a 1 month old baby in the summer I feel like this would be uncomfortable, also from past experiences his family do barge in sometimes and I feel I would need some private spare to BF etc .

i get his family want to see the baby as much as possible but we will come every morning and go every evening. AIBU? I feel like my partner thinks I am but tbh I don’t feel I am?

TIA! Xxx

They need to stay in a hotel in my opinion.

You will really want your own space in your bedroom to rest or have a break from hosting in.

they stay in a airb&b or something similar.

Sleeping in the living room is not practical for anyone - where would all their luggage go !
and what if one of them wants to ' go to bed ' earlier or later than the others.

No - and it is a complete sentence.

Priority is you, baby and DH being comfy in your home while you get to grips with looking after a newborn and recover from the birth. So I’d say you need to stay in your home.

Visiting family need to arrange somewhere else to stay. That’s way too many people in a 2 bed house - you don’t have room to host people unless you’ve got a massive living space or reception rooms.

You are underestimating life with an infant.

if his sister lives in the uk, why can’t she come visit a different week?

If they are happy to sleep in the living room they can. The ones that live in the UK are making a choice to stay at yours, so if you don’t mind them visiting just let them. They can bring an airbed.

I wouldn’t move out of your home when you’ve just had a baby. You will want to be in your own home with your own things.

This is your and DH’s shared home btw - if one of you vetos people staying, that should be the end of the discussion.

If DH won’t accept it, you need to have a conversation with him about having each other’s backs - agreeing to do that is what a partnership/marriage is all about.

This. I’ve no idea why you think having 5 extra people in a small house when you are getting used to being parents is a good idea.

My parents flew 5500 miles to meet DD - they stayed in a hotel. My 80 year old nan travelled 500 miles and stayed in a hotel. (we had a 4 bed house at the time). They visited for 2 hours in the late morning and 2 hours max at tea time.

You will be upside down and inside out for weeks if not months. They can’t stay with you.

If his sister partner and child live in the U.K., why is there a language barrier, can’t they stay with your parents, and his parents stay with you, seems obvious to me

I'm sorry but absolutely no way would I agree to this.

Fine if they want to come and see the new baby but they all stay elsewhere.

Your priority at this stage is you, your baby, your DH and your routine and own space.

I assume this is your first baby OP?

Id move to my parents and left dh crack on with his family in the house.

Nonononononono NO!

don’t do this to yourself!

there isn’t the room for these people, they can stay over at your parents or book a hotel/bnb.

You are MAD to even consider this. Your H needs to manage this better.

they are not staying with you and putting you out like this

no decent inlaw would ever consider doing this to a new mother

God no, don’t give up your room. Why can’t one lot of them stay in a hotel or B&B?

A million times this.

They all need to either go to a hotel or to your parents and DP needs to tell them that. You don't want house guests with a 1mo

Honestly that’s way too many people for a 2 bed house. Even 4 adults and a baby would be tough. Is there only one bathroom also?

I would never have agreed to that many people staying at once especially with a newborn. Your partner is underestimating how hard it will be all under one roof.

if the sister lives in the uk why is she visiting at the same time?

They need to stay in a hotel. I’m not one of these people that doesn’t want visitors around a newborn, but on a practical level, your house becomes a 24 hour working machine. We was having to make a bottle every 3 hours to feed baby, so when one of us slept the other had the baby. I don’t think visitors would enjoy people making bottles or creeping around at 3am haunting the house.

The ones based in the UK stay either at a hotel, air bnb or your parent’s house. It’s not practical for them to stay in the living room and you need space with baby if they need to sleep, feed etc.

Put your foot down now otherwise it will be a nightmare when baby comes. Your DH needs to prioritise you and baby now.

Tell your husband he needs to sort it, or you and baby will go to your parents while they are here and won’t be travelling back and forth as much. Your baby - and you - is priority here!!

No, no, no.
This will be far too stressful. You're going to need space and they are being ridiculous expecting you to cope with this many visitors and a new baby.
If DH really won't listen take yourself and the baby off to your parents.

Yes this is my first baby :) she should be about a month old by the time they visit. For reference my partner is Romanian, when we have visited them before they don’t mind being in close quarters let’s say, we slept in their living room before and i barely slept as they stayed up late/barged in in the mornings etc 😂. But I feel I will want my space a little. His sister and her partner speak fluent English but his parents speak none, so it can be a little awkward. His sistser and partner have left it a bit late with booking an Airbnb and they are all very pricey now so have decided against it (we live in Cornwall). X

This is fucking nuts. Don't set yourself on fire trying to keep visitors happy when you will be postpartum.

Your comfort comes first. Your baby's comfort is your comfort. Do you want your baby to feed poorly and be miserable? Not sleep? Be readmitted to the hospital? Travelling to and fro every day in summer is not a good set up for your baby either. Plus, you will be using the bathroom frequently for things like pericare.

They stay in a hotel. You do not have the room to house them.

Put your vulnerable infant first. Relatives can take care of themselves. Your baby can't.

You need to work on your people pleasing and set boundaries with everyone including your husband.

my partner feels like his family will think this is rude if we go to my parents. But his sister and her clan have left it so late to book an Airbnb they are mega pricey now! (We are based in Cornwall) I just feel with 7 of us in the house plus a newborn it will be too much! Xx

That’s going to be hell on Earth with a newborn.

I’d be going to my parents house with the baby, your partner can do as he wishes. But they shouldn’t be staying with you. They should get a hotel.

Its not rude, it’s sensible.

Nope nopety nope nope no.
Do not under any circumstances let this happen.

Honestly, take it from those of us who have had a baby or two - this is absolutely not going to work! There are plenty of cheaper caravan parks etc in Cornwall rather than a B&B. If they want to visit, they need to find accommodation