In laws and partners family visiting to see new baby 👶

[elizabethxxx]

Hello!

I am 37 weeks pregnant :)

my partners family are coming to visit at the end of July to see the baby. For context his parents live out the country, but his sister, niece and sisters partner live in the UK.

we have a two bedroom house and his parents are staying in the spare bedroom and his sister, her partner and niece in the living room.

my parents offered to have some of them stay at theirs however because of the language barrier his family said no (they’ve also not met before).

I feel bad three of them will have to stay in the living room (it’s uncomfortable and I’m sure they would like their own space). So I suggested to my partner we stay at my families house (a 15-20 minute drive away) and 6 minutes on the train. So they can all have their own bedroom. My partner is not overly keen on this, and says his family won’t like it.

the only other thing I can think of is if we sleep in the living room. However with a 1 month old baby in the summer I feel like this would be uncomfortable, also from past experiences his family do barge in sometimes and I feel I would need some private spare to BF etc .

i get his family want to see the baby as much as possible but we will come every morning and go every evening. AIBU? I feel like my partner thinks I am but tbh I don’t feel I am?

TIA! Xxx

Options are

1. they take up your parents offer
2. however pricey they pay for an air bnb
3. your partner stays with them and you and the baby go to your parents, his family can them visit you there and your parents can kick the out when it becomes to much

No to you sleeping in the living room and no to you travelling with a newborn to your own house. When you’ve given birth you’ll think back to your suggestions and go why did I even think it was a good idea.
The family all stay in an Airbnb all together and come and visit you. Your parents have offered and it’s been declined because of language which is silly. They’d manage and it would be ok. I’ve just read that you live in a tourist area so Airbnb is pricey - check b&bs, motorway/transport hub hotels.

This would be way too much for me. I think you'll really want your own space. I see why his sister wants to come at the same time to see their parents as well, but that's too many people in the house. You will most likely need some space and you won't have it. I wouldn't want to go to your parents because you will probably want your own bed, I think the sister and her family could go to your parents and gives you extra space.

Introduce them to your folks.
They will like each other, hopefully.

After a few days have them move over there.
It will be easy for you to say baby is unsettled, all needing more space etc etc.
Otherwise, you and the baby move to your parent's house for at least a few days at a time, as a respite.

But he needs to be attending to OP and his newborn, not his parents.

I agree with posts that it will be stressful with a one-month old.

I don’t think you should leave your house and stay with your parents - everyone needs to accommodate you and the baby, not the other way around.

Do you have options to still keep your parent’s place as possibility for the guests? Seems a lovely and reasonable offer from them to host the family. Great opportunity to meet too. Sure there is a language barrier but maybe it would be ok with everyone being friendly and trying to get along.

Otherwise, is there room for a little trailer or tent on the property?

How long are they staying?

It could work, if they are used to that kind of set up and you get to keep your own bedroom. They will have to be prepared for your wandering into the living room all hours. Are they aware that might happen?

Given you're in Cornwall they can get out of the house a lot of the day time and give you a break.

Sounds horrendous, I'd never do it in a month of Sundays, but to each their own.

Your DH and his family are being unreasonable. Honestly they should get an air B&B, but if that’s not possible then I’d be willing to compromise to stay with parents. That should be manageable. But absolutely no to staying in the house with a 1 month old and that many guests!!!

Your DH’s family are being very unreasonable expecting to stay with you when baby is so tiny. We live in a different country to our DD . We agreed in advance of baby being born when we could visit and booked a hotel. Last thing a new mum wants is a houseful of people. Your partner has to tell them they can’t all stay with you.

They sound awful.

What kind of weirdos crowd out a family with a brand new baby?

I think this. I'm assuming it's a cultural thing, and if they're happy to stay let them. I would however investigate nearby airbnbs!

This sounds absolutely awful and not manageable in any way. If at ALL financially viable, they stay elsewhere entirely. My skin crawls at the thought of anyone in my space that much post partum. X

Is there an air b&b local that either they can stay in on their own or you could all stay in. If nothing else it might be a nice change of scenery for you. We lived in Australia when dd was born and folks came over for a month. It was great to have the help because after a month of parenting (a relatively easy newborn) we were shattered. Mum would offer to have her over night and wow I felt so much better for that

You are more accommodating than I would be even with no new born, with the greatest of respect that is a lot of adults in 2 bed house where are you all going to sit in the evenings what about cooking etc. but in the nis sleep deprivation and a new born absolutely no way this will be a enjoyable experience.

I really feel for you as you as I don’t what the answer is but I think this has disaster written all over it

That's too many guests for a 2 bedroom property OP.

We have a two bed flat and thought we'd be up for visitors after a few days (all our family live at least 4 hours away by train).

Well, we were in hospital over a week as DS was in SCBU with hypothermia and being treated for suspected sepsis. I developed PPD in hospital. In the end DS was almost a month old when we had our first visitors.

We did one visitor at a time due to lack of space and 1 night only. Even with that, it's a lot having just one extra person in a 2 bed. I couldn't bf so needed space to pump privately. That would have been so much harder with 4 extra people in our small space! We were up most of the night at that stage to feed and pump and needed the living room to do so comfortably, especially if tag teaming so the other could sleep. We couldn't have done that if someone was sleeping in there.

You just don't know how the birth will go. Hopefully it will all go smoothly and you'll be back home the next day. But you could go overdue. You could have a c section. You could have PPD.

Either way, your own space is a God send. Even if just some of them stay elsewhere, it will help. If they're coming from abroad they will be bringing quite a lot of extra stuff into a 2 bed which will already be full of new baby things. You just don't need the stress.

Your partner thinks it's rude to send his family to your parents' house. Everyone else thinks it's rude (and insane) to expect a new mother to have to put up with having her house taken over.

Are there any caravan parks with static caravans nearby?

you will want your space once the baby is here, I would absolutely think about either staying at your parents or getting them all to get an Airbnb. You won’t want people there 24/7 it’s so overwhelming and unfair on you.

His sister and BIL speak English. So they go to your parents. Surely it's obvious?

Everyone’s experience postpartum is different but I think you’re being very optimistic with any of the options you’re proposing. Firstly having that many people stay in your home while you’re there might be awful. You could still be bleeding, you could be struggling with feeding, your hormones and emotions might be all over the place etc. I think it’s highly unlikely you’ll want to be hosting or giving up your private space. I also think you’ll probably want to be at home, especially since you don’t know how your baby might be, if they’ll sleep, if they will hate travel etc, and you’ll have to make sure you’ve got all you need for both the day and night and transport this stuff between two locations.

OP, don't let this be too stressful for you. You need your space and your sleep. Start them all off in the spare bedroom and living room if that's what they want, and ask your parents to be on standby to offer a room in case they find it too much; perhaps you could take them all to visit your parents so they can see what it would be like staying there. But they may not find camping with you a problem at all, it depends what they are used to. They might be so excited to be in a different country with a new baby that they don't care at all about being squashed.

This is an absolutely barmy idea OP! No way will you want to share your small space with this many people so soon after giving birth! They all need to book hotel rooms or they shouldn’t be coming. They need to suck up the cost of leaving it too late

Do not agree to this. With a one month old you need privacy and rest. Stay at your parents.

This is completely daft. Either they go to your parents house or stay in a hotel.

DS2 and DDIL have a spare room that we used to stay in until DGS was born, but since then we’ve stayed in an Air bnb. The last thing they want is for us to be under their feet when they’re up in the night with him, and we don’t want to disturb him if we get up for a wee or something. They, also, don’t need the added work of washing sheets and towels etc.

It honestly amazes me how short grandparents memories are when it comes to having a baby and coping with visitors.

Explain to your dh that its not practical, and you'll need more space - they should be accommodating you and the baby