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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws and partners family visiting to see new baby 👶

87 replies

elizabethxxx · 22/05/2025 17:31

Hello!

I am 37 weeks pregnant :)

my partners family are coming to visit at the end of July to see the baby. For context his parents live out the country, but his sister, niece and sisters partner live in the UK.

we have a two bedroom house and his parents are staying in the spare bedroom and his sister, her partner and niece in the living room.

my parents offered to have some of them stay at theirs however because of the language barrier his family said no (they’ve also not met before).

I feel bad three of them will have to stay in the living room (it’s uncomfortable and I’m sure they would like their own space). So I suggested to my partner we stay at my families house (a 15-20 minute drive away) and 6 minutes on the train. So they can all have their own bedroom. My partner is not overly keen on this, and says his family won’t like it.

the only other thing I can think of is if we sleep in the living room. However with a 1 month old baby in the summer I feel like this would be uncomfortable, also from past experiences his family do barge in sometimes and I feel I would need some private spare to BF etc .

i get his family want to see the baby as much as possible but we will come every morning and go every evening. AIBU? I feel like my partner thinks I am but tbh I don’t feel I am?

TIA! Xxx

OP posts:
digiwidgy · 22/05/2025 17:51

Goodness OP, absolutely not. With a one month old you could have had a section, struggle with feeding, up and down all night every night, crying and exhaustion. This is such a bad idea. If they take you going to your parents as rude then so be it. You need to look after yourself and the baby. You and baby are the first and only priority.

BaronessBomburst · 22/05/2025 17:52

elizabethxxx · 22/05/2025 17:48

my partner feels like his family will think this is rude if we go to my parents. But his sister and her clan have left it so late to book an Airbnb they are mega pricey now! (We are based in Cornwall) I just feel with 7 of us in the house plus a newborn it will be too much! Xx

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So what if they think that you're being rude; they're not considering you! That's rude.
Either way someone will be 'rude' but it doesn't have to be with you being stressed, exhausted, and overwhelmed as well.

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2025 17:54

Tell him you will be there in the morning and during the day but head home in the evening to put the baby to bed.
Then dh can kip on the sittingroom and parents and sister can have the bedrooms.

babystarsandmoon · 22/05/2025 17:55

I think your patience for house guests will change and you will want to relax and enjoy your new baby.

When my DD was a month old some nights we would be awake the entire night and it would have been hard if we had been stuck in one room with family sleeping in the living areas. I would not have wanted to be making up beds, dealing with extra food shops and cooking for two families while having no personal space because they barge in.

TheMerryWidow1 · 22/05/2025 17:56

How long are they all staying op?

TheSandgroper · 22/05/2025 17:56

At one month old, you will be spending as much time in the living room as you will in the bedroom, across all 24 hours of the day. Baby doesn’t know and won’t know that it’s suppose to sleep quietly beside you all night.

You will be walking the halls, going in and out of the kitchen, singing, using the bathroom, changing baby’s clothes, changing your clothes, putting washing on. The house will be busy at all hours. Does your DH know this?

Visitors in your only living room will be totally inappropriate.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 22/05/2025 17:58

This is the definition of squalor!
Horrendous.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/05/2025 17:58

I don't know why they haven't booked alternative accommodation.
It won't work.

MintTwirl · 22/05/2025 17:59

This sounds like it will be incredibly stressful for you OP. Honest of with a tiny baby you will want your space and to be able to relax and rest. They need to stay elsewhere(or you stay at your parents).

MummyRenX · 22/05/2025 18:00

They absolutely need to stay in a hotel or airbnb, you’re sitting here worried if they’ll be uncomfortable but they don’t seem to have the same consideration for you x

Maxorias · 22/05/2025 18:01

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/05/2025 17:37

This. I’ve no idea why you think having 5 extra people in a small house when you are getting used to being parents is a good idea.

My parents flew 5500 miles to meet DD - they stayed in a hotel. My 80 year old nan travelled 500 miles and stayed in a hotel. (we had a 4 bed house at the time). They visited for 2 hours in the late morning and 2 hours max at tea time.

You will be upside down and inside out for weeks if not months. They can’t stay with you.

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Wow. That's... Very hospitable...
Unless the family members have form for being intrusive/unpleasant in some way, I can't imagine telling family who were on a plane for 12h to visit me and paid thousands for the privilege, that I can see them 2h a day !
Obviously I wouldn't be playing host with them - they need whatever they can get it themselves. But aside from that I can't see what the issue is with them staying at home, so long as they clean after themselves.

Silvertulips · 22/05/2025 18:01

Is got to my mums, your DH can stay and deal with his family. Thats his choice, your have yours.

The last thing you want with a new born is poor sleep and noise.

At least your mum will help out.

babystarsandmoon · 22/05/2025 18:02

I think OP sleeping in the living room will be inappropriate too. You will have no privacy and potentially still healing so I think the only place for a new mum is her own bed.

Imisscoffee2021 · 22/05/2025 18:03

Omg you are so patient to have them in your home with a 1 month old! And to be worrying about THEM and not you 😅 honestly it's going to be incredibly cramped, you will feel very claustrophobic, the post partum era is extremely challenging at one end of the scale and at the very least emotional at the other. It's such a maelstrom of hormones, my friends with children told me bit inwas adamant that as a steady and resilient person I'd be fine ... hit me like a ton of bricks! Cant fight that hormone let down. It passes, but last thing I'd want in that stage is a house full all the time.

Even if they all pitch in and do everything and don't expect to be hosted in the traditional sense, it's still alot of people therefore not anywhere for you to go and have some peace except your bedroom.

It's the opposite of rude to go to your parents to give them space tbh, you and the baby are first in that stage, it's one of the few times in life one really should be and deserve to be put first!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/05/2025 18:04

Sorry OP but it will be too much. They should be staying somewhere else.

BlueMum16 · 22/05/2025 18:05

elizabethxxx · 22/05/2025 17:48

my partner feels like his family will think this is rude if we go to my parents. But his sister and her clan have left it so late to book an Airbnb they are mega pricey now! (We are based in Cornwall) I just feel with 7 of us in the house plus a newborn it will be too much! Xx

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Can you book an air BNB elsewhere for all of you? Where are they flying in to? Might be easier to rent a big house so you all have space.

No way would I have people camped out in my living like this.

andweallloveclover · 22/05/2025 18:06

elizabethxxx · 22/05/2025 17:46

Yes this is my first baby :) she should be about a month old by the time they visit. For reference my partner is Romanian, when we have visited them before they don’t mind being in close quarters let’s say, we slept in their living room before and i barely slept as they stayed up late/barged in in the mornings etc 😂. But I feel I will want my space a little. His sister and her partner speak fluent English but his parents speak none, so it can be a little awkward. His sistser and partner have left it a bit late with booking an Airbnb and they are all very pricey now so have decided against it (we live in Cornwall). X

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I think all of us who have 'been there, done that' with a newborn know that those first few weeks and months are all about your recovery, settling in baby and getting into a routine. You WILL be knackered!

You have no idea what kind of birth you will have (despite making a birth plan) so therefore have no idea how sore/tired you will still be feeling by this point.

Having a new baby, while wonderful, is all consuming and believe me, you won't want them in your space while you are still trying to get into a routine, and feed and settle a possibly cranky baby.

This time, should be all about you and your own new little family not entertaining and putting up with other family members for this amount of time. A visit for an hour or so here and there, fine, but this! It sounds bonkers to me. 😬

GravyBoatWars · 22/05/2025 18:11

Their visits just need to happen separately. The PIL can visit you then go see their daughter and her family (or vice versa). SIL and her family can come meet the baby at a different time.

ETA: Your solution isn't rude, it's just not realistic with a one-month-old. The amount of stuff you'd have to transport back and forth alone...

EMUKE · 22/05/2025 18:11

Who agreed to this! I couldn’t imagine anything worse, I’m assuming partner and family are close and culturally believe in “it takes a village to raise a baby” this isn’t going to be a positive visit with everyone on top of each other, hormones, bonding time. A month after baby being born even if everything goes well. Sleepless nights and getting a routine will be out the window everyone wanting cuddles and kisses. My first born my MIL (strained relationship) walked in my bedroom around to Moses basket picked baby up and walked out… second I made it clear do not come round when we’re settled we will call up to arrange a visit. Be selfish and make it clear it’s not going to work.

Whoarethoseguys · 22/05/2025 18:13

Can't they hire an Airbnb? At least for his sister and her family. I think it's going to be exhausting for you to be hosting them all and you don't have enough space

RitaFires · 22/05/2025 18:37

I have a one month old and having visitors at all right now would be a strain but there's no way in hell I'd have anyone staying in my living room. Baby has to feed every 3 to 4 hours and struggles to settle at night so there's regular activity throughout the house. Even with a white noise machine any guests wouldn't be getting much sleep. The whole thing sounds way too stressful, you need to be in your home environment with all of your stuff so you can tend to baby and relax.

Olika · 22/05/2025 18:39

I would have lost it if I had that many people during the first months. It’s a very bad idea.

IwantmyReptv · 22/05/2025 18:43

None of them should be staying with you. You will be sore (at best) and need peace to recover and heal.
They need to stay somewhere else.

Fruitbat99 · 22/05/2025 18:46

Do they not feel bad that they've decided to come at the same time and are using you like a hostel when you've just had a baby?

LethargeMarg · 22/05/2025 18:47

Don’t forget unless it’s a planned birth you could be two weeks late meaning the baby will literally be a newborn. A newborn turns a house upside down , you need to be nesting with the baby and dh not hosting relatives. The sister should stay with your parents if they have to come at the same time/ you should be in your own home focusing on the baby