Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Needed the toilet while shopping with pram… was I unreasonable?

167 replies

feelingbaddd · 22/05/2025 16:22

I was out shopping with my baby earlier today and I feel really bad about a split second decision that I made. I needed the toilet and it was one in a coffee shop where 3 individual toilet cubicles were behind a door with a keypad, so toilet use was customer only. I have been using this coffee shop for 2 years. I am a regular customer and used to get a coffee most days on my commute to work pre mat leave and would chat to the manager every day.

She followed me to the toilet today to unlock the door with the code, and then told me apologetically that the disabled toilet was out of order. I wouldn’t have been able to fit the buggy in the normal cubicle that was available. She offered to wait right outside the toilet with the pram (ie behind the main door, but outside the cubicle). I immediately said yes and thanked her and went to the toilet. At the time I thought nothing of it. I know she has a son of her own and always seems friendly. I could hear her chatting away to my baby the whole time but I have reflected on this since and feel like it was such a poor judgement call. Sure I talk to the woman but I don’t KNOW her personally.

I don’t know where my sense of safety was and I feel so terrible about it, I basically left my child with a stranger! Would anyone else have done the same or was it as bad of me as I am thinking it was?

I might be being dramatic, I am really sleep deprived. I can’t help feeling like a bad mum.

YABU - I wouldn’t have done this
YANBU - nothing wrong with this, forget about it!

OP posts:
Readytohealnow · 22/05/2025 16:24

OP don’t stress. It was that or pee on the floor. I had to watch a lady’s toddler in a cafe while she took her baby in to the changing facility (similar set up) and she didn’t know me from Adam.

KoiTetra · 22/05/2025 16:24

Perfectly acceptable thing to do! You used your judgement and make the best choice you could in the situation.

You used a shop you know and visit regularly, the Manager was the one that was helping you. This isn't a total randomer you handed your baby too, this was the shop manager you have spoken to multiple times and all she did was keep an eye on the pram.

100% fine, don't beat yourself up at all!

Original poster
feelingbaddd · 22/05/2025 16:24

Readytohealnow · 22/05/2025 16:24

OP don’t stress. It was that or pee on the floor. I had to watch a lady’s toddler in a cafe while she took her baby in to the changing facility (similar set up) and she didn’t know me from Adam.

I didn’t even hesitate though, which is not like me. I just feel horrendous.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 16:25

A member of staff kept an eye on your baby whilst you used the toilet, and you feel guilty about it ?

You need to chill out.

AnotherDelphinium · 22/05/2025 16:25

I think you’re massively overthinking this. The media has given us a false idea of how dangerous people are, wetting yourself or getting a UTI or kidney stones is much more likely!

What are you worried she might have done?

Readytohealnow · 22/05/2025 16:26

feelingbaddd · 22/05/2025 16:24

I didn’t even hesitate though, which is not like me. I just feel horrendous.

Show quote history

One day when you’re back at work, have gar less time on your hands, and your child is cramming stuff they find on the floor into his mouth and walking into tables, and you are more used to being a mother, you will literally not remember this.
You needed to pee. It’s a primordial instinct.

Zoraflora · 22/05/2025 16:26

I would have done the same. She wasnt a complete stranger and it was in her place of work, she offered to wait so she has probably had a similar situation. you needed to use the toilet so what else are you supposed to do. Dont beat yourself up over it.

Cocomelonhauntsme · 22/05/2025 16:27

I don't think you were unreasonable and I would have done the same. You judged the risks and made an informed decision. This was someone at work who you had talked to before and had some knowledge about them i.e. they had a child, the place likely has cctv, is in public and you could hear them outside the door. The chances of anything happening are vanishingly small.

The cases of children being kidnapped or hurt by strangers are horrific but incredibly small especially in the circumstances you have described. While we have to be vigilant, there are a lot of good, wonderful people out there who are happy to help and make life a bit easier. It's a shame that there is so much fear that people are scared of accepting small acts of kindness.

I think you did the right thing.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 22/05/2025 16:27

Absolutely fine.

dont overthink it

if you’ve gotta pee then you’ve gotta pee

dudsville · 22/05/2025 16:30

Your the mum of a young one, sleep deprived, and you were in need of the loo. Your mind is working over time on the what ifs. They didn't happen. It was fine. Turn your mind to this each time to go down the what if line of thinking. The availability of public toilets is appalling, and the ones that are there are often unsuitable for a variety of reasons. You found a safe option. That's good!

Missey85 · 22/05/2025 16:30

YANBU look up Europe where babies are left outside shops and it's considered completely normal you did nothing wrong

planthelpadvice · 22/05/2025 16:31

This is completely fine. Think about it logically, would the manager of a coffee shop do a runner with your baby while you're having a wee? The risks to her of doing this are huge and she would be highly unlikely - were she even to attempt it - to get very far as everyone would know who'd done it.

Be kind to yourself OP - new mum anxiety and sleep deprivation is the absolute worst. You did nothing wrong.

Richandstrange · 22/05/2025 16:35

You've done absolutely nothing wrong OP, please stop beating yourself up!

johnd2 · 22/05/2025 16:36

People used to literally leave the pram in the street outside the shops 50 years ago, for a bit of perspective

cranberryshortcake · 22/05/2025 16:37

People leave their children in the care of strangers all the time.

You made a practical decision to take a tiny risk. She was very unlikely to be offering just to steal your baby. You could hear her outside the door so were actually monitoring the whereabouts of your baby continuously anyway. If at any point the sound had stopped you could have opened the door and rushed out.

You made a reasonable decision.

Flyswats · 22/05/2025 16:37

I think your anxiety levels on this one are not normal, but probably normal for a new mum.

You didn't leave your child with a total stranger, you didn't leave them without anyone watching. You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Pootles34 · 22/05/2025 16:39

You're quite right, your sleep deprivation is messing with you, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Sounds like you've found a lovely shop with a nice manager, I'd definitely go there more!

legoplaybook · 22/05/2025 16:39

The cafe manager is not going to suddenly decide to steal your baby from her workplace! Your baby was perfectly safe.

heidyho · 22/05/2025 16:39

Don't feel guilty. It's literally 5 mins (if even) there aren't many abductions by employees , cctv, employer will know their name & address.

Bobbybobbins · 22/05/2025 16:39

I was in a farm cafe with my 9 month old and 2 year old a few years ago - they were munching away and I was suddenly dying for a wee. There were lots of staff free do I asked if they could watch the for 2 minutes while I popped to the individual toilet right next to our table

itsgettingweird · 22/05/2025 16:39

People need to pee.

it’s a natural body need.

I wouldn’t think any more of it.

Mainly because I’m sure no one is going to stand by and watch the manager if the coffee shop walk off with someone else’s baby in the middle of their shift and not say anything - nor do I think a manager would wander off in the middle of their shift with a pram thinking it would go unnoticed!!!

Talipesmum · 22/05/2025 16:40

You didn’t hesitate because you knew it was fine. You know the woman, she works there, she’s nice, she’s in a public place. No hesitation means you have good instincts, not that you are a careless parent. It’s a really nice thing to do. I’ve offered the same to strangers before now, and I’d always stand there and talk to baby so the mum knows I’m still right there.

Todayisaday · 22/05/2025 16:41

Yes would have done the same.
I think Ive peed with the door open and pram jammed in also before.
Ive also carried baby in and somehow managed to pull pants down and pee with baby on my shoulder.
All the worries about touching the seat out the window when needs must, just get it done and shower later.

Toolatetoasknow · 22/05/2025 16:45

'Twas nothing. I watched a baby the other day while its mum took a toddler to the loo.
I said, 'shall I watch the baby?' she said, 'Could you, thanks.'
Zero drama.

ItsCalledAConversation · 22/05/2025 16:47

I voted the wrong way - meant YANBU - what you did is totally fine and normal. Trust your gut. It takes a village and not all of those are people you know brilliantly well - or at all.

I was once in a playground with DD aged 3 and DS tiny baby. DD flung herself off climbing frame and injured herself, needed cleaning up in loos nearby. I took decision to leave DS with large multi-generational family having picnic/bbq nearby, who had seen the incident happen and literally reached out immediately to help me with the baby. I returned from cleaning up DD to find chuckling DS entertaining the entire family and being loved on by all. In a life where I don’t get much help at all, I felt really supported in that moment!