Needed the toilet while shopping with pram… was I unreasonable?

[feelingbaddd]

I was out shopping with my baby earlier today and I feel really bad about a split second decision that I made. I needed the toilet and it was one in a coffee shop where 3 individual toilet cubicles were behind a door with a keypad, so toilet use was customer only. I have been using this coffee shop for 2 years. I am a regular customer and used to get a coffee most days on my commute to work pre mat leave and would chat to the manager every day.

She followed me to the toilet today to unlock the door with the code, and then told me apologetically that the disabled toilet was out of order. I wouldn’t have been able to fit the buggy in the normal cubicle that was available. She offered to wait right outside the toilet with the pram (ie behind the main door, but outside the cubicle). I immediately said yes and thanked her and went to the toilet. At the time I thought nothing of it. I know she has a son of her own and always seems friendly. I could hear her chatting away to my baby the whole time but I have reflected on this since and feel like it was such a poor judgement call. Sure I talk to the woman but I don’t KNOW her personally.

I don’t know where my sense of safety was and I feel so terrible about it, I basically left my child with a stranger! Would anyone else have done the same or was it as bad of me as I am thinking it was?

I might be being dramatic, I am really sleep deprived. I can’t help feeling like a bad mum.

YABU - I wouldn’t have done this
YANBU - nothing wrong with this, forget about it!

I think you're overthinking this, I'd have done the same

You were needing the toilet somebody waited with your baby, not everyone is bad there is kind people out there, and you know her don't you?

I also stood with a pram recently whilst the mun took their other child to the toilet.

But you didn't need to hesitate though you used your judgement and instinct, this woman wasn't going to harm your baby your brain knew that, she wasn't some stranger on the street and you were literally on the other side of a door having a quick pee.

You weren't being unreasonable, but you are now! Don't overthink it, you left your baby with a reliable member of staff you are familiar with.

I have a double buggy. I've left mine with all manner of random childcatchers for a 15 second wee 🤣

I’ve done the same. Don’t fret.

Don't worry, it's all totally natural, that you judged it safe at the time and that you're reflecting on it now and thinking of the risks. That's normal because your baby's safety is your highest priority so your mind is replaying it to see if it could be done differently in future, but now without the physical pressure of needing a wee! It also highlights how badly the environment is set up for women with babies even though they're a huge part of society. I cringe looking back at times when I did things like had a wee with the public toilet cubicle door open and my pram wedged in the door at train stations and random places. People must have thought I was crazy but I would often find the disabled toilet was locked and there was no other option if I was on my own. And there's comes a point when needing to wee is a desperately painful physical need, you can't just not go, you have to juggle things around baby and make the best of it.

I really can't sew the issue here. You couldn't fit the pram in and the kind café manager watched your son. She wasn't some strange man you'd never met before.

I was having lunch in a cafe in Istanbul when my baby was tiny and the couple on the table next to me offered to take him as he was fussing while I was trying to eat. Handed him over without even thinking about it! Looking back it probably wasn't the best idea but needs must!

I had my baby in a sling, needed to feed, ordered a coffee and a massive glass of water,sat outside the tiny cafe because I didn't want to offend the other customer and old lady.

Afterwards I paid up and asked the cafe owner if she'd hold my baby because I desperately needed the loo and it was going to be a bit complicated.
Came out to find her chatting with the old woman.
That woman turned out to be Sally Willington one of the founders of Greenpeace and the pressure group that got fathers into delivery rooms to bear witness to birth and improve medical interventions.
We had more coffee, she held my daughter and it was the most amazing afternoon. A real privilege to meet her. DD is 20 now and involved in Environmental Justice!

It's fine - kind of her to offer. I once peed in a public loo in a park with the cubicle door open because I was too scared to leave the pram out of sight. The things we do!

She was the manager. It was lovely of her to offer. What are you imagining she would do with your child?

It sounds like a very sensible thing to do. You used your judgment. You know this lady from being a regular customer.

Oh please chill! This was absolutely fine! She's the manageress - she's not exactly going to be able to leave the premises with a pram without the staff noticing; nor is she going to abuse your child with you just behind the door for the time it takes to pee!

Safeguarding our children is a priority, but there needs to be a sense of proportion and some common sense - which you rightly exercised.

I can remember my mum leaving my baby sister outside shops in the pram!

I love this!!! What an amazing experience.

@feelingbaddd YABU. You should have just pissed yourself instead

…I mean, do you think anyone’s actually gonna say that to you? You did nothing wrong,please don’t worry 😊

You’re really overthinking this op! Your baby was perfectly safe.

She’s an employee and a mother herself! It’s not as though you handed your child over to a strange man with a van advertising free candy. 😂

I would have done the same. I think youre overthinking it.

I am guessing that this is your first baby and also that they are fairly young and you are at the stage of wanting to everything "right" . Please don't beat yourself up, any parent would have done the same.

I was once in the park and a lady ask me to watch her per-school twins while she went to the loo. She was about 15 mins. I was so shocked! But then I thought... why not... we are mothers, we are a community... and then I realised I am British and she was European... we are uptight and convinced everyone will steal our babies... Europeans are not.

This happens thousands of times a day without incident.
I did it several times, particularly when there was DC2 and toilet training in the equation.

Its sort of a sad reflection of our times when something women have done for hundred of years, looked put for each others babies, is something to be wary of.

I'm not saying you should leave your baby in Oxford Circus while popping into John Lewis, but somewhere you know well on a situation like this, any risk is extremely minute.

She works there and you used to chat to her every day so she’s not a complete stranger, it’s fine.

OP please don't worry. You knew her and you knew where she worked, it's extremely unlikely anyone would steal a baby, but definitely not from their job.

I have watched prams before for women going to the loo, and these were complete strangers.

Drat I voted incorrectly! I was saying YABU for worrying about it
Totally fine! And wait until you've got a toddler and a new born, even more conflicting chaos!!