Over reaction from DH

[Notthetidiest88]

I am the first to admin I'm not always the tidiest person. Our house is clean but I don't have any issues with the odd cup or water bottle being left on the side, especially if know i am going to use in the bear future (ie the kids schools bottles if they are being used the next day)

This morning i was tidying in the kitchen after unloading the dishwasher and making DH's lunch and i moved the air fryer liners to on top of the air fryer. Dh likes them in the cupboard but I knew I was using them later (had planned my lunch to use the air fryer) so popped them on top of the air fryer. DH started screaming ans shouting about how I never tidy up. Leave everything everywhere etc. Called me a few words I won't repeat and stormed out.

Should point out that this is the person who fixed a new picture up the other day but has the left thenpile of dust from dilling the screws on the floor for a week until I clear it. Who leaves washing by the side of the bed until I move it and pick it up

This isn't an unusual reaction from him and I do try and remember to put things away but with 2 you for children and working full time i just forget.

Until you learn!? Wtaf!
You are walking on eggshells to keep the peace whilst he is ramping up the abuse. The fact you didn't tell him it was your dd who cleaned the mirror with her hand so he didn't have a go at her!
Who cares where you got the loo roll from. It doesn't matter. None of it does. It doesn't matter if you do leave things out, if he has an issue with it he should speak to you like a person and his equal partner.
Just read @BookArt55 s post and they are spot on. Your last post made me sad too, for you and your children.
I think I would keep on as you have been but in the background start getting your ducks in a row. Get the house finished as it will be much easier to sell.

Op. You’re apologising because you’re just trying not to make him worse. This is awful for you. Please tell him to treat you better it you’re leaving. Best of luck 🤞

Please either tell him to leave or get out. This is not ok. Its like listening to all the things my mum and ex partner did, and do.
Living with it as a child made me think it was normal as an adult, and I let my ex treat me like absolute shit. Anyone who knew me at work thought I wouldn't take any crap from anyone, and he used to goad me until I lost my temper when in public so he could pull the 'poor me' routine.
It took me a very long time to leave, and I'm only just beginning to realise how much mental damage it has done to me.
For various reasons I still see my ex (animals not children) and have to be very careful to keep boundaries up and in place.
I'm very low contact with my mum, who doesn't see how badly she behaved, and blames my father for the poor relationship she has with me. (He wouldn't back her up in being physically abusive)
I would also recommend counselling, I've had some, and need a lot more.

This is an abusive relationship. It is not normal. Do not be convinced it is. Most husbands do not shout at, do not "tell off", do not swear at and do not control their wives.

The home is both of yours and he doesn't get to dictate where things go. But even if it was his house, speaking to you like this is not ever okay.

Your daughter is watching this, believing this is normal and okay. Remember you are setting the standard for her later relationships. Do you want this for her?

LEAVE THE BU**ER ASAP.
Your poor children listen and living with this abusive man child.

OP I’m exhausted just reading your posts. He is an absolute prize, I would have separated long ago. I could even imagine my DH treating me that way. He needs a major wake up call! 💐Hope you are OK.

You and your kids deserve better than this controlling prick. He’s not modelling good behaviour or any kind of positive example for them, and he’s making your life miserable. The fact you can’t even tell him that your daughter did something and feel you have to take the blame… you realise that isn’t normal, I’m sure.

Tell your mum. Have a look at the resources from Women’s Aid. Start piecing together the financial picture, and look for a solicitor to give you advice about divorce. You home will be happier without him keeping everyone on eggshells. This is no way to live 💐

@Notthetidiest88 not replacing the toilet roll I get. As that's not fair on next user!

What an absolute knob I really would be thinking long and hard about this relationship he sounds awful he definitely doesn’t respect you it’s ok he can be a lazy twat but u do something he doesn’t like he abuses you. Tell him to fuck off and say I will also speak to you how I like honestly stop apologising he thinks your weak he needs telling he’s a twat and if he keeps on at you he will be doing everything for himself and you will concentrate on doing everything right for you and dc. I feel for you. Could he be looking at a way out he doesn’t seem to care how you feel.

You can’t tell him DD touched the mirror because he’ll have a go at her. You apologise so often you don’t even know what you’re apologising for. You pick up after him, make his lunch and bring him drinks, knowing that he doesn’t appreciate it and is going to abuse you anyway.

You are scared of him. You’re already automatically shielding your children from his anger. It won’t get better, and it’s very likely to get worse. What if it’s one of the children on the wrong side of his temper next time? You’re an intelligent, articulate and capable woman, you don’t need to be under the boot of a controlling bully who treats you like a domestic appliance. Please, please make a plan to leave him. He’s dangerous.

With kindness, you know his behaviour & attitude towards you is wrong, on so many levels, or you wouldn't have written this. I am in agreement with pretty much all of the above replies (well, probably all of them) - if your best friend / sister etc had written your post about themselves + their partner how would you react? What advice would you give them? If this relationship has any chance of going forward in happiness (if you want it to) this surely needs to be resolved. Lots of great advice above, but the final straw appears to be now pretty close. Find your voice, seek support & legal advice, & sending best wishes - you are worth so much more than living like this x

Is he sane? He's either controlling, OCD or bonkers

So are you going to just update this thread every few days with more dickhead behaviour by him or are you going to do something about it?