Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over reaction from DH

113 replies

Notthetidiest88 · 21/05/2025 19:39

I am the first to admin I'm not always the tidiest person. Our house is clean but I don't have any issues with the odd cup or water bottle being left on the side, especially if know i am going to use in the bear future (ie the kids schools bottles if they are being used the next day)

This morning i was tidying in the kitchen after unloading the dishwasher and making DH's lunch and i moved the air fryer liners to on top of the air fryer. Dh likes them in the cupboard but I knew I was using them later (had planned my lunch to use the air fryer) so popped them on top of the air fryer. DH started screaming ans shouting about how I never tidy up. Leave everything everywhere etc. Called me a few words I won't repeat and stormed out.

Should point out that this is the person who fixed a new picture up the other day but has the left thenpile of dust from dilling the screws on the floor for a week until I clear it. Who leaves washing by the side of the bed until I move it and pick it up

This isn't an unusual reaction from him and I do try and remember to put things away but with 2 you for children and working full time i just forget.

OP posts:
andtheworldrollson · 22/05/2025 18:49

Clean air fryer bits are so different to dust and muck! He’s a slob

butteredhorseradish · 22/05/2025 18:57

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

There's no way I would stay with someone who spoke to me like that.

atamlin · 22/05/2025 19:01

Many posters on this threat making excuses for an abusive arsehole. The day my partner shouts at me is the day he leaves this house. I wouldn’t stand for it.

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:03

abusive horrible wanker you’ve got there.
Why the fuck is he playing games while you’re running around after work doing everything and looking after a sick child?
stop doing anything for him and tell him to fuck off with his attitude - start doing more and contribute in every way or the marriage is over.
Actually the marriage would be over for me anyway.
he sounds bloody awful - tosser ….

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:05

Oh and STOP apologising to him - bloody hell he owes you a ton of apologies for his utter dickish behaviour!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/05/2025 19:09

' leaves washing by the side of the bed until I move it and pick it up'

' until I move it and pick it up ' why ?

KurtShirty · 22/05/2025 19:16

it crushes your self esteem this shit. It’s not good enough and with him unwilling to change, you’re the only one who can put a stop to it

Lifeisinteresting · 22/05/2025 19:18

So @Notthetidiest88 I’m guessing he's tidy when it suits him. I live with a husband like this, he is obsessed about the kitchen and hallway being clear.

OhCobblers · 22/05/2025 19:21

“ learnt a long time ago just to apologise, take the blame and move on”
I’ve just reread your post OP - based on this alone I’d leave the marriage - awful life for you and your kids.

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 19:22

Notthetidiest88 · 21/05/2025 20:30

So this was this morning

Tried talking to him when he came home from work (he finishes at 1pm, I wfh and finish at 5pm)

His answer was I was snappy when he asked why I wasn't putting the things away and that i always have to be right (I don't - learnt a long time ago just to apologise, take the blame and move on) and that the way I speak to him is disgusting

I went back to work in my office space, he has gone out for the evening to the pub to watch the football. Didn't say bye. Just walked out.

At least it's peaceful tonight

Leave! He talks to you like garbage and treats you like garbage. Why put up with this nonsense? A good relationship does not look like this.

wafflesmgee · 22/05/2025 19:22

Your posts are so sad. I’m so sorry he treats you with such disrespect and unkindness. 💐 When you are ready, think about how you would feel if your children’s future partners spoke to them like this? If you want better for them, you need to leave. He is breaking his marriage vows to cherish you. Marriage isn’t supposed to be like this

ZoggyStirdust · 22/05/2025 19:35

When it’s a man who doesn’t tidy up someone always posts that “I left my cup by the dishwasher” thing and he’s roundly derided…

AntikytheraMech · 22/05/2025 19:38

Divorce him. You'll be much happier with a box of wine and some cats. And his money.

user2848502016 · 22/05/2025 19:44

“Until you learn”

Seriously?! I’d kick him out personally

J3001 · 22/05/2025 19:48

Sounds like my ex took me 23 yr to get out i always appologised

MaddestGranny · 22/05/2025 19:56

You are in an abusive relationship. Start educating yourself - there are plenty of resources on here & generally online.

Join a group if you can.
Teach yourself about assertive behaviour (again, masses of resource online).

Be the worm that turned. You have either got to change and become radically more assertive or you have to leave/kick him out.

If you don’t, you’ll be crushed underfoot - not a good model for your DCs.
It all takes time. Start now.
Good luck.

Lovemydoggie · 22/05/2025 20:06

Your posts have really shocked me . How old are your children? Their Father is a shocking role model . I personally couldn’t live like this . He sounds absolutely bloody vile . He is a bully .

TiredAH · 22/05/2025 20:09

Calling you a few words over air fryer liners? Sorry, you are the proud owner of a kn0b

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 22/05/2025 20:09

“Until I learn he’ll speak to me how he wants” is chilling. He doesn’t own you. He certainly doesn’t get to bully and verbally abuse you into submission. Who the fuck does he think he is?!

Enrichetta · 22/05/2025 20:24

Stop apologising!!!

you are being abused!

Please read WHY DIES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft. You will find your husband…

free PDF online.

Nominative · 22/05/2025 20:27

Notthetidiest88 · 22/05/2025 17:13

Finally got him to talk to me today

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

I apologised (not sure why) he doesn't want to know and we're back not talking

Present him with your list, Now.

Dinosweetpea · 22/05/2025 20:40

Please listen to people OP.
Your husband is abusive. This is not normal and you really need to seek help to leave.

CurlewKate · 22/05/2025 20:41

Bourbonversuscustardcream · 21/05/2025 20:05

The day my DH screams, shouts and calls me unrepeatable names is the day our relationship is over. Why are you putting up with regular abusive behaviour?

This.

PrincessofWells · 22/05/2025 20:47

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 20:50

  1. stop making his lunch
  2. stop picking up his laundry
  3. stop tidying up after him

This

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2025 20:52

Notthetidiest88 · 22/05/2025 17:13

Finally got him to talk to me today

Asked if he thought it was appropriate to speak to me that way. He said yes. As it was a large list of things that tipped him over the edge (but can't give me the examples) and that until I learn he will speak to me how he wants

I apologised (not sure why) he doesn't want to know and we're back not talking

You apologised??

Who the fuck does he think he is?

You cannot continue to live with this utter pig - look what your children are seeing?

Please start making enquiries and getting your ducks in a row

And don't lift another finger for him

Swipe left for the next trending thread