AIBU to except you to be reasonable if your child’s name could be pronounced different ways

[IncognitoPanda]

If you’ve given your child a name that could have multiple pronunciation's AIBU to expect you to understand when people pronounce it a different way to how you would when they don’t know the child. I’ve have seen three patients today where the parent has been grumpy / arsey because I didn’t know how they liked the name pronounced (think Kia (keeyah or k-eye-a) ? Surely that’s the risk you take when selecting a name with different ways of pronouncing it?

As they are patients perhaps they are unwell/in pain/scared so maybe grumpier than usual. I know that when I am in pain the smallest things can get to me.

My name is always mispronounced (only has one pronunciation but it not English) and I don't take offence. I like to see how many different ways people find to pronounce it.

If you’ve met them before, you should know and I can imagine why they got grumpy.

If you’ve never met, they’re just projecting because they have to correct a lot but that’s their fault for choosing a name which is unclear!

Would you not consider asking the patient or the parent first.if you are aware the name could have two or more pronunciations?

I'm in the US where you find a lot of names of different ethnic origins, my own included, and HCPs who see it on a screen or an order or referral always ask how I pronounce it.

Having a stab at it based on phonetics or assumptions is slightly disrespectful imo.

I agree OP, it’s tiring and it’s so insignificant to the issue at hand.

In some healthcare settings in the UK, the patient is called into the appointment by name. So the doctor/nurse/whoever will walk into the waiting room and call out ‘Kia’…

Exactly this set up so no opportunity to ask ahead.

I have a friend who when I asked how her DDs name was pronounced she said X or y but not "name of famous sports star"

I am a HCP and I have the same issue, had a patient with a name I’d never heard before get really shirty with me in the waiting room because I mispronounced it, I apologised and asked how it is pronounced, he later told me (once he’d calmed down) that his mum made the name up and he’s checked on Facebook and is the only one in the world with that name 🙄

Yeah, they’re unreasonable. Also unreasonable are people who get arsey when I ask them how I should spell names like Clair/Claire/Clare as if their chosen spelling is the only possible way and should be obvious.

This is why my kids are called names that only have one spelling and one pronunciation - the equivalent of Max. I knew constantly correcting people would be annoying.

Yanbu. I have an unusual name. Most people won't get it right first time and that's absolutely fine. I always correct but nicely and politely 'Hi! It's correctpronounciation' and wave aside any subsequent apologies. I also wouldn't expect a HCP who might not see me from one month to the next to remember.

It’s so trivial. Some people are just desperate to get upset over anything.

One of the considerations when we were naming our children was - is the name easy to recognise, pronounce and spell? My maiden name was very unusual and was sick, sick, sick of having to repeat it and spell it all the time. I was very happy to ditch it when I married and now have a really common surname.

I didn't want to burden my children with fancy, highly individualistic or quirky names.

Context is everything. I have no issue with my name being pronounced incorrectly when, for example, the HCP is coming into the waiting room to call me (and DD and I enjoy predicting how it will be done - bonus points if the AI machine is working and pronounces it even more weirdly).

I also understand that some names can be more difficult than others, particularly if they are from a different country/language.

But I'm completely unsympathetic to people who on being told, "No, it's SAAARa, not Serra" continuing to use "Serra" or similar.

Honestly it is best to ask not guess and if you have to call the name out first then just ask if you have pronounced it correctly after you call it. It's awkward for people to have to say, "actually, it's ..." and particularly so since it inevitably disproportionately affects people from different ethnic/national backgrounds to you.

Just to say that DD has a very easy name to spell. Normal, traditional english spelling. It is prounced and spelled completely differently in other languages though. A great similar name example would be Peter. In English, bog standard, very easy. Yes, might be different in say Greek (Petros), Italian (Pietro), Dutch (Pieter) etc.

Whenever we go to Starbucks and they ask her name she's always gobsmacked that they'll a) spell it wrong and b) not even in line with some other langauge! . Eg it will be spelled "Peeta".

Yeah, that's the point at which I get annoyed. Or when people make rude comments like 'well I'm not going to remember that' or my old favourite; 'what kind of name is THAT?'.

Can't say I've ever felt burdened with my name though. It's a pretty good dickhead indicator in the scenarios I've described above.

I don't personally ever get offended by people having a go at it first without asking, I don't find it awkward correcting them, it's no big deal...

I have a name with an unusual spelling and I curse my parents for being awkward. Now my married name is a pain too.

My surname is stupidly rare to the extent that if that's how you spell it you're related. (There's at least 2 much more common variations of it) It's English / Scottish and people ask how it's pronounced

My parents also gave a first name that no one spells correctly. I think I've come across 3 people who spell it the way I do.

It's the same in the US.
My very British surname is used by the vast majority of hcps calling patients from the waiting room. They sometimes mangle that too but not as badly as they would mangle my first name.

Once in the examining area, the hcps always ask about pronunciation of my first name though.

I've heard hcps ask for (for eg) Smith - Mya, Mia?
The person called will say their first name as they approach the hcp in the doorway.

There's usually an effort made on both sides.

its the same when you work in a school. Parents are annoyed you don’t automatically know the (made up) spelling of their child’s name and you have to ask. Apparently I should memorise 1500 students names unique spellings.

YANBU and I have one DC named in such a way. Don't give it a second thought.

If you're bothered, just say "oh I have a niece/nephew with the same name, it's pronounced [the way you said it]" and then segue immediately into your professional stuff.

Why not use the surname when you call a patient in?

"Smith, first name beginning with K'

It's more anonymous, and less likely to inadvertently offend.

Because most children won’t recognise that as their name!

YANBU but you your family should remember!

Not many ways to pronounce Miley but it's consistently Millie.....that's annoying!