AIBU to except you to be reasonable if your child’s name could be pronounced different ways

[IncognitoPanda]

If you’ve given your child a name that could have multiple pronunciation's AIBU to expect you to understand when people pronounce it a different way to how you would when they don’t know the child. I’ve have seen three patients today where the parent has been grumpy / arsey because I didn’t know how they liked the name pronounced (think Kia (keeyah or k-eye-a) ? Surely that’s the risk you take when selecting a name with different ways of pronouncing it?

I named my DS Max for the same reasons and have been asked 'one x or two?'. A big thanks to the parents who butcher even the simplest of names so they're not simple anymore!

The ridiculous names parents come up with these days I'm amazed anyone pronounces them properly. It's like they invented them after falling drunkenly into a pile of Scrabble letters.

It is a ridiculous thing to get upset about and therefore there is no need to do this. I’m actually usually called in by forename and surname anyway

My son has an unusual spelling to his name. Doesn't bother either of us if someone mispronounces it.

It's when people lengthen his name, for example birth certificate says Sammy but people try to call him Samuel

I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to remember name pronunciation. Am I being unreasonable to say that I am being discriminated against by people who complain when I get their name wrong?

I’ve been caught out with this as well in my workplace - Mia (m-ee-a vs m-eye-a) and Nevaeh (Nev-ay-a vs Nev-eye-a) spring to mind. Also managed to annoy Cheryl who likes to be called Cher-elle and Evelyn who is known as Evil-lin…..

I just make a little note in their chart with the preferred phonetic pronunciation, so I get it right next time.

None of us have got English names and I don't mind if people get it wrong even repeatedly. What i find annoying is when people say they are not even going to try pronouncing it correctly. (One guy, a builder, before even hearing our names: " don't bother telling me your names as I won't be able to pronounce them anyway...).

I remember when I was at uni before the graduation ceremony the head of my department, who was also the dean or something, would ask his PA to ask international students how to pronounce the names of students graduating that year to make sure he got it right when he had to call out their names at the graduation ceremony. She took a long time over it carefully learning and then noting down phonetically how each name was pronounced. I thought it was really nice that they put so much time and effort into it.

How is somebody complaining discriminating against you? Anyway, surely the conversation would go:

Person: 'Actually my name is correctpronunciation'

You: 'I struggle to remember certain pronunciations I'm sorry but I'll try my best'

Person: ''No worries'

Then person with unusual name may consider adding pronunciation to their email sign off and/or reminding other person when they see them.

Meanwhile person with memory issues may consider writing down the pronunciation.

Not everything has to be a big dramatic battle and race to win a claim of discrimination.

Irish name spelling are continually the butt of jokes on social media. It does get a bit tedious after a while even for me as a non Irish person living in Ireland. If you are Irish I would image you get fed up with it quick enough.

My name can be pronounced multiple ways, I really don’t care. The only time I’ve been insistent about it being correct was at my wedding.

Who mentioned a claim for discrimination? Your leap to judge is very strange.

My uni does something very similar - but they ask the students themselves, which is far safer. I've come across quite a few people with foreign names whose families have long ago anglicised the pronunciation.

This made me

Yep he must definitely have had a yoo-nique name!

You're taking my post way too literally. You said 'Am I being unreasonable to say that I am being discriminated against by people who complain when I get their name wrong?'

I was referring to you 'claiming' that you were being discriminated against not suggesting that you would make some sort of legal claim.

I was in America and saw a name badge or something on someone called Siobhan. Obviously perfectly familiar to British and Irish people. She almost fainted when I addressed her correctly. I felt sorry for her.

I once asked a Claire (possible Clare) how she spelled her name.
’With a C’ she said, looking at me like I was a bit daft.

I have a Sophia and she often gets Sofia - that doesn't bother me but I do get riled when she is called Sophie. I filled in some forms for a new school and they processed her as Sophie. That could have real implications, ie Sophie being on exam certificates.....not impressed.

I'm not British so my name is foreign, but it's not very rare and its pronunciation is very intuitive - 99.9% of British people I've interacted with for the first time have got it right. Also it's not a name that can have multiple pronunciations. The only people who have got it so horribly wrong to the point where I could have missed my appointment despite being sat at the waiting area, have been healthcare workers in the GP surgery I was previously registered. They clearly couldn't be arsed. You couldn't have got it so wrong if you tried - it felt almost performative.

I wasn't offended, just surprised, and a bit annoyed I could have missed my appointment!

ETA: Imagine along the lines of "Amanda" pronounced as "Er-maaah-ndeeeeeh-r"

Like... Come on 🤣

I don’t blame you, that’s a pain. I was, inexplicably, processed as Robert when I was at sixth form college (nothing like my name, which is a very common girl’s name akin to Anna, Elizabeth, Sarah etc). Surname correct, but first name Robert. Took an age to get sorted, by which point I’d started answering to it as half my teachers seemed to just read Robert on the register every time, despite the fact that I was plainly not Robert.

It stuck, and Bert is still my nickname 😳

OP I am a GP and I feel your pain! I do generally “have a stab” at most names (I don’t think this is disrespectful in our healthcare settings where we call people in by name). I’m well travelled and know quite a few languages etc. so can usually manage pretty well (often non-British patients are super impressed I have said it correctly especially the people with more unusual Irish names 🤣 - I’m N Irish but not living in N I).

But there is always that one person who is disproportionately aggrieved that you haven’t pronounced their name in a super uncommon way, like you were supposed to know! Like Cheryl being “Cher-elle” as someone mentioned above. For those people I do make a note of it in their records so it pops up when you open their health record before calling them in with “name pronounced as “x” (phonetics)”

My Head of Department used to do this too. I'd have to source the list for him, but he learned it and it was his idea.

My name is spelled the English way, which is obviously most common given I live in England, hence DM choosing that spelling. However it drives me mad, as it's not an English name, and should be spelled "properly". My point being that sometimes parents can't do right for doing wrong when choosing names. It's both pointless and rude to be stroppy over mispronunciations/misspellings unless as PP have said, they know you/see you fairly regularly and continue to get it wrong.

I have one of these names and I live in England

I don't give a tinker's toss if a HCP can't pronounce it-why should they be able to do so, They make a fist at it and that's good enough.

Either my parents, who settled in England, should have given me an English name or, if I don't like the way that English people pronounce it-then I should go and live in Ireland where every fucker can pronounce it.

If you have a non-English name in England, well that's your tough shit just as it would be if you had a non African name in Africa.

Same for made up names like Gorgonzolabrieched/ Arsebollix or names with a made up pronunciation-if you are called Cheryl and want to pronounce it Cherellea-then bugger off to the land of loons where your parents presumably lived. OR put up with it OR change the spelling to reflect your "unique" pronunciation.

You're the one out of step and the world shouldn't have to fall in with you because you might have hurty feelings-call yourself Jane and all your hurty feelings will disappear.

YANBU.

My ex MIL was/is vile. Her surname was often misread, this Godman / Goodman. If she was at appointment and they called out the wrong surname she would sit there ignoring them on purpose with a stony face, or if she was the only one in the room, she would like around instead of asking if they were looking for her. She relished an opportunity to give someone a bollocking for “not being able to read”. As you can imagine, it just irritated the HCP and wasted time.

Reasonable for them to correct you (even with a serious face/tone, as those can be subjective). Unreasonable if they're blaming you, scolding you, or going on a rant.