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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at partner for farting next to me

83 replies

redvelvet7 · 21/05/2025 09:41

Hi, I don’t know whether I’m just hormonal from being in third trimester or whether this is a bigger issue in my relationship. For the longest time my partner has known I don’t like farting, especially not right next to me. If it’s away from me then fine. Instead of acknowledging that, he actively tries to push them out when he’s near me. It’s disgusting. I’m at a stage in my pregnancy now where I’m really uncomfortable, not feeling myself and stuff like that tips me over the edge because it’s so disrespectful. last night he did it right next to me in bed deliberately and I left and slept in the spare room. Was trying to talk to him this morning and he did it again. There’s no respect or appreciation for my boundaries.

To add to my general annoyance with him he prioritises his mum and family members over me and the baby. We had his parents over at the weekend and he let his mum go on and on at me telling me what to do in the kitchen until I couldn’t cope with it anymore and was so overwhelmed. Instead of recognising her fault or that he should have said something, he thinks it’s all on me. I am more emotionally vulnerable now than I have been in my life and trying to stay stable each day is a challenge.

so anyway AIBU to expect some decent respect and not have to put up with that?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 21/05/2025 09:45

If his Mum starts telling you what to do in your own kitchen again, ask her to leave. Your partner should be ashamed of himself treating you like this when you are pregnant, especially. Try to spend calm time away from him and his farting.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 09:46

I'd ltb on the farting alone.

Yanbu, he needs to pull his finger out (pun not intended) and act like a grown man who takes care of his family.

Finallyready79 · 21/05/2025 09:52

I can’t vote because there are 2 issues in there.

The farting - annoying and childish, but I couldn’t get this worked up over it. Start doing it back and see how he likes it. Maybe then he’ll agree to stop.

the issue with your IL’s is different. You should be his priority now. Not saying they aren’t important, but his life is with you now, his priorities should change. Especially as he’s about to become a father. You need to have a serious conversation about it. What did you do when you became overwhelmed though for him to take her side?

Original poster
redvelvet7 · 21/05/2025 09:56

Finallyready79 · 21/05/2025 09:52

I can’t vote because there are 2 issues in there.

The farting - annoying and childish, but I couldn’t get this worked up over it. Start doing it back and see how he likes it. Maybe then he’ll agree to stop.

the issue with your IL’s is different. You should be his priority now. Not saying they aren’t important, but his life is with you now, his priorities should change. Especially as he’s about to become a father. You need to have a serious conversation about it. What did you do when you became overwhelmed though for him to take her side?

I ignored what she was saying (couldn’t get a word in even if I tried as she doesn’t stop for a breath) then once she’d left the kitchen, I had a go at my partner about her and said some nasty things about her and how I wish she’d go home

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 21/05/2025 10:01

Has he been like this since the beginning of your relationship?

DaisyChain505 · 21/05/2025 10:02

Doesn’t matter if it’s farting or any other thing, the point is you’ve told him you don’t like something and you’ve asked him to respect your boundaries and he’s purposely ignoring them and doing it spitefully to wind you up/get a rise from you.

It’s a lack of respect, love and kindness.

CosyLemur · 21/05/2025 12:41

redvelvet7 · 21/05/2025 09:56

I ignored what she was saying (couldn’t get a word in even if I tried as she doesn’t stop for a breath) then once she’d left the kitchen, I had a go at my partner about her and said some nasty things about her and how I wish she’d go home

Show quote history

So you didn't say anything to her or him until she left when you became abusive about his mother and you expect him to be happy about that?

CosyLemur · 21/05/2025 12:44

This reply has been deleted

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boredoflaundry · 21/05/2025 12:45

Is this your first baby?
you’re not even gonna notice a fart in a few weeks! His and your own! … they’ll happen without you realising or desperately having control.
your babies on the other hand, you’ll discuss with each other, medical professionals and total strangers!!

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2025 12:46

Drliberately farting is bad enough.

Did he make you the priority over his mommy before your pregnancy or has he always been a mama's boy? That's unlikely to change.

As to his mother, just tell her stop, Trudy, you do you but I run my kitchen my way. She thinks she's going to boss you around and that's going to be terrible when your baby is born and she's telling you what to do.

Pherian · 21/05/2025 12:46

redvelvet7 · 21/05/2025 09:41

Hi, I don’t know whether I’m just hormonal from being in third trimester or whether this is a bigger issue in my relationship. For the longest time my partner has known I don’t like farting, especially not right next to me. If it’s away from me then fine. Instead of acknowledging that, he actively tries to push them out when he’s near me. It’s disgusting. I’m at a stage in my pregnancy now where I’m really uncomfortable, not feeling myself and stuff like that tips me over the edge because it’s so disrespectful. last night he did it right next to me in bed deliberately and I left and slept in the spare room. Was trying to talk to him this morning and he did it again. There’s no respect or appreciation for my boundaries.

To add to my general annoyance with him he prioritises his mum and family members over me and the baby. We had his parents over at the weekend and he let his mum go on and on at me telling me what to do in the kitchen until I couldn’t cope with it anymore and was so overwhelmed. Instead of recognising her fault or that he should have said something, he thinks it’s all on me. I am more emotionally vulnerable now than I have been in my life and trying to stay stable each day is a challenge.

so anyway AIBU to expect some decent respect and not have to put up with that?

I think you need to get a grip.

Once you do that, start using your words. Like “excuse you, that’s nasty” and then walk away.

If he doesn’t want to stand up for you to his mother, then you need to stand up for yourself. Tell her to get out of your kitchen and go sit down with the other guests. If he creates an issue tell him he can go home with her if he still needs his mummy.

Stop letting people fuck with you.

Gemmawemma9 · 21/05/2025 12:46

You sound a bit precious, OP. Could t get upset over the farting thing tbh. And why are you incapable of telling his mum to back off yourself? She might not realise you find her interfering.

ChickalettasGiblets · 21/05/2025 12:47

Kindly OP, this does sound very hormone driven!! But his mum does sound annoying and your partner should be telling her to lay off.

Theunamedcat · 21/05/2025 12:50

I get that your upset but maybe fight fire with fire lentil crisps taste great the farts could power hell they are APPALLING

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 21/05/2025 12:52

Start being out when they are due.. In time if that means taking your dc out and they don't get to see them then that's on them for showing you such little respect..
But maybe time to actually consider if he is the man you want to live with and raise a dc together..

Navyontop · 21/05/2025 13:00

I find intentional farting and burping repulsive, this is from my childhood if my brother holding me down.
Obviously everyone farts and if they are respectful I have no issue with it, it’s the bullying aspect I can’t stand. Gross.
Next time he does it, look him straight in the eye and tell him that you’ve never been less attracted to someone in your whole life. Then just walk away. If the spare room is comfortable, just move in there every time he does it. I wouldn’t continue to say anything, I’d just get up and leave with a look of disgust on my face.

JayJayj · 21/05/2025 13:02

It’s disgusting and disrespectful. You have said you don’t like it yet he is purposely doing it knowing you do not like it. The people who say it’s not a big deal are wrong. It’s not about him farting m, it’s him going out of his way to upset you.

As for his mum, next time tell her to shut the fuck up and get out. She doesn’t care about your feelings so don’t worry about being rude.

Do you have family close?

Your partner will only get worse with his mum and you. And it will get worse when the baby is here.

I would leave him and move out if you are able and have the support.

GoldDuster · 21/05/2025 13:03

While I'm not upset by farts, I wouldn't like anyone to deliberately fart next to me. It's childish, and lacks boundaries along with an ability to read a room, which is unattractive. Reading between the lines it looks like he doesn't care if you find him attracttive, you're pregnant with his child, and you're not going anywhere so he can behave however he likes. This is vile.

Re his mother, tell him that you will not let her overwhelm you in your own home and next time if he can't intervene to stop it, you will hand her the chopping board and take yourself out to a friends for a few hours. And do it.

Sandalsandbreadsticks · 21/05/2025 13:05

He is deliberately disrespecting you and letting other people do the same, then pathologising your reactions. He doesn't love you or respect you. It's only going to get worse, when you have the kids you will be even more powerless

GingerPaste · 21/05/2025 13:06

It sounds like he has NO respect for you (as well as being a Neanderthal)! I hope that some of the rest of your relationship is better…

MyCyanReader · 21/05/2025 13:06

redvelvet7 · 21/05/2025 09:41

Hi, I don’t know whether I’m just hormonal from being in third trimester or whether this is a bigger issue in my relationship. For the longest time my partner has known I don’t like farting, especially not right next to me. If it’s away from me then fine. Instead of acknowledging that, he actively tries to push them out when he’s near me. It’s disgusting. I’m at a stage in my pregnancy now where I’m really uncomfortable, not feeling myself and stuff like that tips me over the edge because it’s so disrespectful. last night he did it right next to me in bed deliberately and I left and slept in the spare room. Was trying to talk to him this morning and he did it again. There’s no respect or appreciation for my boundaries.

To add to my general annoyance with him he prioritises his mum and family members over me and the baby. We had his parents over at the weekend and he let his mum go on and on at me telling me what to do in the kitchen until I couldn’t cope with it anymore and was so overwhelmed. Instead of recognising her fault or that he should have said something, he thinks it’s all on me. I am more emotionally vulnerable now than I have been in my life and trying to stay stable each day is a challenge.

so anyway AIBU to expect some decent respect and not have to put up with that?

YABU about the farting.

Given the average person farts 13 to 21 times a day, when do you fart then if you don't do it when he is nearby? Or are you one of those silent and violent types that blame it on the dog?

As for his mum, then YANBU. That would drive a non-pregnant person nuts, but she was clearly just trying to help. You just needed to be more assertive, thank her for her help, but you've got everything under control so she can go and sit down and relax.

Catsandcannedbeans · 21/05/2025 13:08

If his mum does that again, poison her dinner.
Frankly, the farting thing is vile and disrespectful as fuck. This is a bit gross and embarrassing but whenever I come back from a trip I have horrible gas, so I know sometimes you just can’t help it, but he definitely can. Also if he’s doing it deliberately and forcing it it’s only a matter of time before he follows through. Absolute minger. You’re not hormonal, anyone would find this disgusting. The hormones won’t be helping, but don’t let him tell you it’s your hormones making you angry. This would make most people angry.

MyLittleNest · 21/05/2025 13:12

He sounds very immature. This isn't about your hormones.

As for MIL, you gave your H a chance to stick up for you and he didn't. You are therefore within your right to stand up for yourself next time she oversteps. If H has a problem with it, you can remind him that you gave him the opportunity to handle his own family but that you will not stand for being mistreated by them or him, or anyone for that matter.

Navyontop · 21/05/2025 13:13

MyCyanReader · 21/05/2025 13:06

YABU about the farting.

Given the average person farts 13 to 21 times a day, when do you fart then if you don't do it when he is nearby? Or are you one of those silent and violent types that blame it on the dog?

As for his mum, then YANBU. That would drive a non-pregnant person nuts, but she was clearly just trying to help. You just needed to be more assertive, thank her for her help, but you've got everything under control so she can go and sit down and relax.

Show quote history

13-21 times a day? That’s insane!
I go days without farting and when I do it I take myself off to another room/space.

MyCyanReader · 21/05/2025 13:17

Navyontop · 21/05/2025 13:13

13-21 times a day? That’s insane!
I go days without farting and when I do it I take myself off to another room/space.

Show quote history

I'm definitely nearer the 20 times a day, although I think I'm likely intolerant to something!

Although according to a medical guide, lots of those farts are let out without the person even realising as they move around, particularly active people!

I only know such weird stuff as I had a curious bunch of Y7 students who liked strange questions, so I turned it into a science project for them! I think they put most the class off ever eating food with onions in!