Annoyed at partner for farting next to me

[redvelvet7]

Hi, I don’t know whether I’m just hormonal from being in third trimester or whether this is a bigger issue in my relationship. For the longest time my partner has known I don’t like farting, especially not right next to me. If it’s away from me then fine. Instead of acknowledging that, he actively tries to push them out when he’s near me. It’s disgusting. I’m at a stage in my pregnancy now where I’m really uncomfortable, not feeling myself and stuff like that tips me over the edge because it’s so disrespectful. last night he did it right next to me in bed deliberately and I left and slept in the spare room. Was trying to talk to him this morning and he did it again. There’s no respect or appreciation for my boundaries.

To add to my general annoyance with him he prioritises his mum and family members over me and the baby. We had his parents over at the weekend and he let his mum go on and on at me telling me what to do in the kitchen until I couldn’t cope with it anymore and was so overwhelmed. Instead of recognising her fault or that he should have said something, he thinks it’s all on me. I am more emotionally vulnerable now than I have been in my life and trying to stay stable each day is a challenge.

so anyway AIBU to expect some decent respect and not have to put up with that?

if english isn't your first language, I apologise, but you're coming across as petulant, childish, and precious.

You sound like you're about 19 or so.

Leave him if you don't like him or his family... and grow tf up before that baby gets here.

Really? Her partner sounds like the immature one, thinking farts are hilarious and being unable to stand up to his own mother. I don't blame the OP for feeling upset and revolted.

I don't agree that it's petulant, childish or precious not to enjoy your partner forcing out wind next to you. But if that's what does it for you, then I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a man to oblige. OP has one, he might have a brother.

once she’d left the kitchen, I had a go at my partner about her and said some nasty things about her and how I wish she’d go home

Wow! You were nasty about his mother?!
I don’t care how pregnant you are, being hormonal does not excuse that kind of behaviour.
Why are you so emotionally vulnerable at the moment, is there something else going on? Women have babies every day, hundreds of thousands are born in the U.K. each year, most don’t feel emotionally vulnerable. Have you spoken to your MW about extra support?

As for the farting, I have a farty husband (medical issues), it’s not great, but it just means I no longer feel the need to go to the bathroom when I need to fart, as I had been brought up to do.

I really cannot understand how people can be so precious about a normal physical reflex. No, farts aren't great but everyone does it. Everyone. Just as everyone poos and pees. I grew up in a house where people pretended these kind of things didn't happen - nor did periods, definitely something to be ashamed of! - and it led to crippling anxiety about any normal bodily functions. It was awful and took a lot of work to get over. Until recently I was on medication that gave me really bad wind, there was no way to spare the feelings of anyone precious about it because I generally had no warning. Am I disgusting too?

I still will go far, far out of my way to avoid using a public toilet, even for number one. No way will I let my daughters grow up feeling they need to be ashamed of such things. Farting deliberately next to someone who says they don't like it isn't great, admittedly, but I'd be tempted to think he's probably just fed up with your holier than thou attitude and is metaphorically sticking two fingers up at you every time he farts.

Newsflash: the process of having a baby generally involves losing all kind of personal dignity. Lots of people staring up your vagina, shitting in front of people. If you can't cope with farting I don't know how you're going to manage this. And should you have a little daughter, will you teach her to be ashamed of her natural bodily functions? Shame on you.

I sense whilst the farting is an issue it's more the lack of respect generally.. postpartum is a rollercoaster and you need him in your corner. Time for a serious conversation

Does he intend to keep farting openly once you have children?
Is this the way his Dad behaved?

No it doesn't 'do it for me'.. was there any need to be so gross?

Precious - its farting, it isn't the end of the world, tell him to grow the fuck up, or leave.

Petulant/Childish - Being nasty about his Mother. It's not his job to reign her in, speak up and tell her to STFU (politely of course)

If she can't cope with her model of a man farting around her, or stand up to her MIL without claiming she's 'vulnerable & sensitive', she's going to have much bigger problems giving birth and standing up for herself as a parent.

Rein it in, there's a difference between body shaming your daughter and not wanting your romantic partner to lift a cheek and fart on you and laugh.

I take it people aren't reading the OP properly again? She's said she doesn't like people farting right next to her, but can cope with it if they're further away, her childish idiot of a boyfriend is doing it deliberately to wind her up! If he carries on like that he's going to shit himself.

@SharpLily The 'shame on you' is a bit much.

Oh yes, just leave him while she’s in the third trimester of pregnancy. Wonderful advice.

I don't think not forcing out flatulence in your wife's direction while laughing, is the bar for being a model man. But we all have our own expectations.

You’re projecting and don’t seem to have the OP properly. He’s being gross and disrespectful and clearly doing it deliberately. Why should the OP feel any shame?

It is actually if he's that gross.

You can leave whenever you like.

Hang on, I though it was just farting and not the end of the world? Make your mind up. Is it totally normal or is she leaving him because he simply farted?

He sounds like a disgusting disrespectful pig.
Its not a sudden development.
He wants to make it very clear how little you and your feelings matter.

I'm so sorry OP, but having a child with a pig never ends well.
Keep your family and friends close, you are going to need them.
Good luck.

I'm sorry but would you rather he was in pain than pass wind? It's excruciating holding it in.

This also reinforces why I have no intention of a relationship, no one would ever tolerate my IBS.

Deliberately farting near/on people and thinking it’s funny is what little boys do, not grown men. He has zero respect for you and sounds like both a man child and a mummy’s boy that will always put her first. Frankly, yabu to be pregnant by such an immature twat.

He won’t get better and he won’t be a good father. You need to start thinking now about how you want to manage things.

I don’t think YABU about the farting. He’s obviously got to do it but it’s very immature and disrespectful of him to purposely give you the benefit! His mum was out of order but he should have been telling her that.

The farting I would dislike but I think the issue is more with the fact he has no respect for you. He knows you dislike farting but forces them out when he is near you.

He is also happy to let your in laws disrespect you in your own home.

Do not have anymore children with this man.

you absolutely can get a word in! You speak over her!! If necessary you tell her to be quiet and listen.

No, i said her reaction to it was Precious.. but to tell him to grow the fuck up

edited to correct myself.

In this example ^^ YABU.

Your mother in law was annoying you, so you had a go at your partner and said 'nasty things' about his mum to him?

I'd have a go at someone if they said nasty things about my mum, frankly. Yeah, she's annoying but I'd expect my partner to chip in and say 'Right, everyone go and sit down now please, because I need the kitchen to myself now to get this done', not to say nothing and then shout at me instead.

The farting thing - if he genuinely is deliberately coming up to you and farting on purpose just to annoy you - is out of order.

I hope your unborn child isn't male. If so you should perhaps be forewarned that at around age 6/7 they become obsessed with talking about farts/poop and it's absolutely hilarious in their little minds. And long before that time they carry out normal bodily functions without considering how you may feel about changing their nappy, cleaning up vomit etc. I worry that you're very unprepared if you can't handle your husband farting.

This is peak Mumsnet