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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
NewShoesForSpring · 21/05/2025 12:03

Charlottejbt · 21/05/2025 10:36

This is making me want to go to Lake Garda! (Not with that guy, obviously.) YANBU.

Not with either of them to be honest!

I would not enjoy a holiday with someone getting up at 6am & cycling for hours on nothing more than a cereal bar & many instant coffees

For us food & trying new things is a central part of our holidays

The more you post the less compatible you seem

IkeaJesusChrist · 21/05/2025 12:09

You both sound wildly incompatible.

Cloudless01 · 21/05/2025 12:10

Surely your weekends at home are exactly the same? He spends half the day in bed then wakes up ravenous wanting fast food. You are up at 6am, have your cereal bar and you’re off for the day. This must have been an issue constantly unless you just meet up for an evening meal!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 12:10

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

Going for McDonald's when you're on holiday in Verona is a dumpable offence, IMO.

Throw him back in the sea, OP.

Rosesanddaffs · 21/05/2025 12:13

I think it’s fine to want to relax and chill on holiday but he could have taken a week off and stayed at home if he was planning to spend half a day in bed.

Well done you for going about your day and making the most of it xx

Koazy · 21/05/2025 12:15

It sounds like he’s an oik anyway. Not sure why you thought going to Italy would change him.

ruethewhirl · 21/05/2025 12:23

Koazy · 21/05/2025 12:15

It sounds like he’s an oik anyway. Not sure why you thought going to Italy would change him.

Oik? You're coming off quite snobby here.

Normals · 21/05/2025 12:24

I would find his behaviour v v unattractive.

TheAmusedQuail · 21/05/2025 12:24

I have an exhausting job and on holiday I want to spend 80% of my time lazing around. Not in bed, out by the pool, or on a beach (or lakeside, based on your location). I'd like a drink, a snack and a book. I don't even want a lot of conversation.

You have very different ideas of holidays. Whose idea was it to go to Lake Garda? Did you discuss that it was going to be an active, sight seeing holiday?

My ex was like you. I stopped holidaying with him after one horrific holiday when I was exhausted from my demanding job and ended up being dragged around, to place, after place, after place.

ballroomblue · 21/05/2025 12:25

He sounds like a 19 year old gaming addict.

LoafofSellotape · 21/05/2025 12:25

I can't believe his behavior is a surprise if you've been together a year, surely there have been some hints.

I wouldn't like to holiday with either of you tbh.

SL2924 · 21/05/2025 12:26

He sounds like a teenager. Imagine this was every holiday for the rest of your life. Definitely dump.

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 12:30

I Like an absolute mix of both and hence pick resorts accordingly - we once took our son at 15 to Istanbul and he was exactly like your partner - now Istanbul is not a city to slob about in a room and there was no pool as was an apartment - in the end we just left him to it , showed him how to lock up and told him to call us when he was out and about and needing food etc - I would say OP if you stay with him choose holidays carefully where there’s plenty for you to see and do on your own and a good pool and beach too and accept that it may be you just reconvene in an evening for a meal and drink etc . It’s not ideal but may be the only way you get to actually enjoy it - make zero plans involving him above meal and evening drinks!! If that’s not going to work for you I suggest you part ways now as he’s revealed his hand

JJMama · 21/05/2025 12:30

Blackcountrychik83 · 21/05/2025 09:16

This would annoy the hell out of me . I am not one of those people who goes on holiday to just sit around the pool never mind sleeping in the room . What’s the point ? You could’ve stayed at home to do that . I would be dumping him at the airport on the return home. You both have different ideas of holidays.

Exactly this! Fair enough some people are home bodies and don’t like holidays - fine but stay home if that’s what you like!

Can’t imagine going to such a beautiful place and waste it sleeping?! Unless he’s 80+ there’s no need for that day after day!

Definitely get rid, what a bore he must be!

Imisscoffee2021 · 21/05/2025 12:34

I've had holidays like this with pals where there's a disparity in what people regard as a holiday. I'm in your camp and unlike with friends where you can still come friends even if you differ in that way, you just don't go on holiday again with them, in a relationship it sounds like you've not got enough in common there and this will be your future holidays going forward. If you don't want that then the relationship has run its course.

What's he like day to day at home, do you differ on how to spend free time?

FloriMummy · 21/05/2025 12:35

Oh dear 😁he sounds insufferable. Have you dumped him yet? He sounds extremely low on energy. Is he otherwise fit and healthy? How old are you both? I love the fact that you did what you wanted on your holiday irrespective of his boring behaviour. Now you just need to find a partner who matches your carpe diem approach.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 12:36

clanging about at 6am in the hotel room is a bit cheeky tbh.

it all depends on how long you are there for, but its not unreasonable to get in for three after spending all morning travelling to just chill and get dinner drink some wine and maybe take an after dinner stroll.

I think holidays are for relaxing and playing it by ear, did he choose the destination and actually know what is what like. or just say yeah italy seems nice.

I mean clearly it pissing you off so its not going to work and she obviously be able to do things without needing you glued to his side.

I think with this sort of place its good to do half and half the first few days resting and then the first few days exploring.

TheMimsy · 21/05/2025 12:36

@EyeBogie sounds awful. Does he have any get up and go at weekends or for planning dates? Have you dumped him?

My partners the early bird and I have chronic illness so can’t go all out like he wants but we compromise. He scouts and wanders from early morning (7/8am) on his own, we are ready to go together by 10am and find brunch and begin the day.

Theroadt · 21/05/2025 12:41

I think a whole week for a first holiday is a big task anywsy, tbh. But hey at least you know now 🤷🏻‍♀️

daisychain01 · 21/05/2025 12:44

Food, sleep, can't be arsed to do anything, gosh he sounds like a panda without the cuteness.

Raise your bar @EyeBogie he sounds unpleasant and selfish. You can do better.

Taytoface · 21/05/2025 12:44

You two aren't compatible. Cut your losses and move on.

IberianBlackout · 21/05/2025 12:45

I can’t go through all 11 pages but has anyone asked you if there’s any chance he’s doing drugs behind your back?

The only time my DP was this miserable as a holiday buddy and always tired/knackered/sleeping way beyond what’s reasonable was when he was in active addiction and obviously his sleep and comedowns were horrendous.

giddyauntie123 · 21/05/2025 12:48

The lying on the bed waiting for 'you to come home' before he could even go in the pool is weird. Did you organise the holiday? I bet you did.

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 12:50

What a waste of money, and in such a gorgeous place!
If he wants to spend his holiday sleeping, he could just have stayed at home.

I'd be ditching him back in the UK.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 12:50

i assume he liked mcdonald's before he came on holiday.

this all seems unnecessarily harsh and bad faith for someone you are in a relationship who does things different to you.

inspecting different mcdonald's in different countries is a thing as lot of them have country specific menus and often people when on the move want something they can rely on.

italy doesn't lend itself to quick snack in certain parts so maybe he just wanted something familiar. the lakes are lovely and gorgeous but it will be there everyday you are there.

I think because you have lost your appetite maybe you've forgotten how often people get hungry.