To do expect husband to cancel plans with friends when I'm ill

[Bitesize89]

My husband and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I told him I had a sore throat and felt like it was getting progressively worse throughout the day. I had strep a few times before and it started to feel like that again. He has plans to go play squash with a friend that evening and we have a two and a half year old. I told him I was feeling so unwell just wanted to lie down and got mad when he said he was still planning to go to squash around my DD bedtime which means I'd have to put her to bed. Sometimes we struggle putting her to bed and she won't go down for an hour or two so I was a bit annoyed. He got mad at mad and said I don't respect his plans and therefore don't respect him. The week before I had a mega stressful time at work and asked him to cancel as well as I had to work late to meet deadlines. He's very angry at me and says I'm selfish and don't respect his plans, I feel like he's being really insensitive considering we have a young child and I would expect him to step up when something comes up especially for something as trivial as playing squash with a mate.

Geez us single gals have to look ourselves you know…..I’ll text my brother next time I’ve a sore throat and demand he drops everything and comes over to sit with me.

Obviously the real problem here is your child taking 2-3 hours to go to bed.

if you were genuinely bed bound with a fever, then of course YANBU. But I'm finding it hard to believe - why would you suddenly NOW declare that you were that ill?

ditto re working - when DH was a SAHD, we had an agreement that on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he went to his running club, I woudl do everything in my power to be home on time. That meant that the ONLY time I worked late was in a genuine emergency. if I just had a lot of work on and had not managed my time effectively... tough. I came home and worked from here or got up early the next morning to go in early to get it done. So it's not clear from you rpost if you were working late becuase of some last minute crisis (in which case fine) or if it was jut a case of a bit of poor planning on your part.

In fact its one of my bug bears with men who work in the office - if they can't make that effort ONCE a week that their wife needs them to be home to do childcare/collect from nursery/relieve the n anny, theyre total wankers in my mind.

If you've asked him to cancel two weeks running, once because of stress at work and once because of a developing sore throat, I think he's right, you don't respect his plans.

There may well be other issues at play, butbon this aspect you're being slightly ridiculous not wanting him to go out for a couple of hours because of a sore throat.

Hard to call this as he could be selfish and uncaring and put his hobbies ahead of you regularly, or you could be a bit of a limp lettuce expecting him to drop everything to support you regularly. Without knowing you both its impossible to tell if YABU.

YABU to change your story

Also, why does it take 2-3 hours to put a child to bed? If you resolved the bedtime issue, you'd both have more time. Him to pursue his hobby, and you to ease your sore throat.

You clearly weren’t bedbound though were you 🤣

Honestly I’d be allergic if my husband asked me to cancel a regular fitness thing because he was a bit under the weather and didn’t feel up to putting one toddler to bed.
Are you generally a bit precious about things ?

You can't just change your story to fit what suits you 🤣 if you really were bedbound, you wouldn't have said you had a sore throat and felt like it could turn into strep in your original post.

The bedtime has doubled since your original post too.

I get a suspicion that you just don't like your dh going out and will say/do anything to get him to stay with you.

How long is he out for? 3 hours tops?

You're being very unreasonable

Blimey. Prize to the OP for the most blatant lying ever on a post because it didn't go her way! Expecting it to be deleted soon...

ehh is this a joke?! Your poor husband …. What would you do if you were single?! Crack on with it !

there are obvious suggestions, but I don't think it's worth bothering the OP with them 😂

If you were already bedbound why did you need to lie down

And how did she have the energy for a big argument?

YABU @Bitesize89, but you probably know that now.

Forgo the nightly struggle with your child. Get comfortable and let her watch Cbeebies or whatever. You'll be grand on your own for a couple of hours.

It's never a good idea to argue and raise your voice when you've got a sore throat or in front of a tired toddler

Bit of a drip feed there. Perhaps open with the bed bound and 3 hour bedtimes next time if it's true?
If it is just a sore throat and a difficult toddler, YABU. You can cope for an hour.

As a single mum this just makes me think seriously?? It's a sore throat, have some honey and lemon or get some difflam spray. I've managed norovirus and covid which we all had, a chest infection, pneumonia, broken foot, a life long progressive illness, surgery recovery, and I've still cleaned the house, done dinner, put kids to bed, etc etc. You just crack on with it? I don't think he needs to stay home because you have a sore throat? Just don't talk much?

If it takes three hours to put her to bed then obviously her bedtime is wrong !

Your husband won't be three hours at squash will he? Just tell him to go and keep her up and he put her to bed when he returns?

Yeah - agree with the above. This (in itself) is very unreasonable by you. But if it's something like he is often out in an evening and has lots of excuses to unengage regularly then it's different.

I would never expect my husband to cancel plans unless I'm literally vomitting uncontrollably or in the hospital or similar. Two weeks in a row is a lot!

What do you think working single parents do in situations like a sore throat or a heavy workload?
It’s called suck it up, sort the child for bed and either go to bed yourself or finish the work - basically crack on with it!

You sound like extremely hard work. Sore throat/strep some people function everyday with alot worse give your head a wobble.

I am old fashion and believe my DH and I are a team, and we help each other.
Strep throat is not a an excuse for cancel plans, it wouldn't even occur to me to offer.

I would however offer to grab whatever might help from the local store on my way back home.

No sorry but I think you are unreasonable. It sounds like you just don't want him to go. Put your child to bed then go yourself.

It wasn't a drip feed, the OP totally changed her story as she wasn't getting the response she'd like.

Based on this OP it's clear you enjoy the dramatics so YABU.