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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do expect husband to cancel plans with friends when I'm ill

103 replies

Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 07:58

My husband and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I told him I had a sore throat and felt like it was getting progressively worse throughout the day. I had strep a few times before and it started to feel like that again. He has plans to go play squash with a friend that evening and we have a two and a half year old. I told him I was feeling so unwell just wanted to lie down and got mad when he said he was still planning to go to squash around my DD bedtime which means I'd have to put her to bed. Sometimes we struggle putting her to bed and she won't go down for an hour or two so I was a bit annoyed. He got mad at mad and said I don't respect his plans and therefore don't respect him. The week before I had a mega stressful time at work and asked him to cancel as well as I had to work late to meet deadlines. He's very angry at me and says I'm selfish and don't respect his plans, I feel like he's being really insensitive considering we have a young child and I would expect him to step up when something comes up especially for something as trivial as playing squash with a mate.

OP posts:
ReigateNotSo · 21/05/2025 11:53

Eh? Can't you just put your kid to bed, then go to bed yourself.

Original poster
Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 11:54

Just an update I didn't specify but j have strep throat not just a sore throat and have a fever chills and just super unwell. Our daughter also has difficulty with bedtimes at times and won't go down for several hours so I just felt incapable of doing two three hours of trying to put her to bed .

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 11:55

I was bed bound with strep throat and a fever running.

OP posts:
Blackdow · 21/05/2025 12:03

So, you started with “I had a bit of a sore throat, felt like it might get worse, I’ve had strep before so thought it might be that and wanted to lie down.” And now it, “I was bed bound with a fever and chills as well.”

Um… I can see why your husband is fed up with you. You didn’t get the responses you wanted so changed the story. I imagine he is sick of behaviour like that. And the total lack of respect for anyone else.

Overthebow · 21/05/2025 12:13

Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 11:55

I was bed bound with strep throat and a fever running.

That’s really not what you said in the OP, you said you had a sore throat and thought it may get worse and wanted to lie down, that’s not the same as bed bound with a fever.

IkeaJesusChrist · 21/05/2025 12:13

Are you the poster who expected her DH to cancel his holiday again so she could go away with her friends?

Dunnocantthinkofone · 21/05/2025 12:16

If at first you don’t succeed …….try changing the post entirely to fit more to the narrative 😂

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/05/2025 12:20

Well you didn't specify you had it, in fact you said you had it before and it was beginning to feel like it and you wanted to lie down. Which is totally different to I had it and was bed bound.

Notsuchafattynow · 21/05/2025 12:25

Make your mind up.

ForAquaMember · 21/05/2025 12:31

You’ve changed your narrative because people think you’re BU.

Sorry OP but you’ve been called out. You said it was “starting to feel like strep” and then say it was strep… and also “you just wanted to lie down” but no apparently you were bed bound.

If you’re this frustrating in RL then I can see why your DH has the hump

KnittyNell · 21/05/2025 12:34

Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 11:55

I was bed bound with strep throat and a fever running.

I understand OP, strep throat is god awful.
J hope you’re better soon.

Backinfraction · 21/05/2025 12:38

Dunnocantthinkofone · 21/05/2025 12:16

If at first you don’t succeed …….try changing the post entirely to fit more to the narrative 😂

This 😂

ResidentPorker · 21/05/2025 12:42

Blackdow · 21/05/2025 12:03

So, you started with “I had a bit of a sore throat, felt like it might get worse, I’ve had strep before so thought it might be that and wanted to lie down.” And now it, “I was bed bound with a fever and chills as well.”

Um… I can see why your husband is fed up with you. You didn’t get the responses you wanted so changed the story. I imagine he is sick of behaviour like that. And the total lack of respect for anyone else.

Yep, this.

I'd be seriously unimpressed if my spouse appeared to be repeatedly trying to stop me going out to exercise/socialise.

giddyauntie123 · 21/05/2025 12:44

It sounds like you need to be held in mind at a point when he is not holding you in mind, he's going to play squash.
Do you feel unattended to in general Op?

Radra · 21/05/2025 12:44

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/05/2025 12:20

Well you didn't specify you had it, in fact you said you had it before and it was beginning to feel like it and you wanted to lie down. Which is totally different to I had it and was bed bound.

The daughter's bedtime also went from 1-2 hours to 2-3..

whitewineandsun · 21/05/2025 12:48

Do you often embellish how you feel if he doesn't act how you like immediately? Because that would get annoying really quickly.

Barnbrack · 21/05/2025 12:51

Vomiting or high temperature I'd ask my husband to cancel. Other than that no. Unless he's out 4/5 nights a week and you never get a night to yourself which is a specific dynamic. A sore throat I'd lemsip myself up, get covonua throat spray, moan a lot and get on with it

OCDmama · 21/05/2025 12:58

Yeah you sound a bit of a whinger tbh.

I have 2 kids (2 & 4 yo), and had diarrhea every couple of hours from last Tues to sat lunchtime.

I only asked my husband to come home slightly early once, because I'd reached the point of literally shitting myself and the dizziness was becoming an issue.

Still helped out with bedtimes though.

You have to give and take. DH caught diarrhea too and we swapped off with eachother every couple of hours to let the other one rest.

I'd absolutely expect you to manage one child by yourself for a couple of hours.

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2025 13:00

Vomiting or diarrhea, I get asking your husband to cancel a planned activity. But a sore throat and fever? No.

CaptainFuture · 21/05/2025 13:06

giddyauntie123 · 21/05/2025 12:44

It sounds like you need to be held in mind at a point when he is not holding you in mind, he's going to play squash.
Do you feel unattended to in general Op?

Must she be 'held in mind' at all times?
That's taking "forsaking all others" a bit far!

springintoaction321 · 21/05/2025 13:07

Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 11:55

I was bed bound with strep throat and a fever running.

Bed bound?? Blimey

It's not ideal, but you can push through for one evening. I recall when my sister-in-law had full on flu with high fever etc and carried on as per usual with her 5 kids under the age of 10 as my brother worked away Mon to Fri every week! That is hardcore 😂

One evening - not so much.

Bamboozledbylife · 21/05/2025 13:08

You sound entitled. You've a sore throat and he's going out for what 1-2 hours?

MyCyanReader · 21/05/2025 13:14

Bitesize89 · 21/05/2025 07:58

My husband and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I told him I had a sore throat and felt like it was getting progressively worse throughout the day. I had strep a few times before and it started to feel like that again. He has plans to go play squash with a friend that evening and we have a two and a half year old. I told him I was feeling so unwell just wanted to lie down and got mad when he said he was still planning to go to squash around my DD bedtime which means I'd have to put her to bed. Sometimes we struggle putting her to bed and she won't go down for an hour or two so I was a bit annoyed. He got mad at mad and said I don't respect his plans and therefore don't respect him. The week before I had a mega stressful time at work and asked him to cancel as well as I had to work late to meet deadlines. He's very angry at me and says I'm selfish and don't respect his plans, I feel like he's being really insensitive considering we have a young child and I would expect him to step up when something comes up especially for something as trivial as playing squash with a mate.

It's a game of squash, so he was out perhaps 2 hours? 3 hours at most if it's a long drive?

You're being too controlling. Why should he let his friend down? I remember managing toddler twins when I was really poorly and DH had tickets to something.

As for the deadlines to meet - again, he is out TWO hours, so given you knew he was going out then you need to plan your work schedule better or find someone to look after the toddler whilst you work.

I assume you've done sleep training with your toddler but it's one of those stubborn toddlers that it doesn't work with?

EggnogNoggin · 21/05/2025 13:18

The illness would be fine if you were ill enough that you would have called in sick from work.

The work one - manage your time better or push back on your employer.

I'd have tried my absolute best to ensure DH didn't cancel existing plans but I know he would if I asked.

giddyauntie123 · 21/05/2025 13:22

@CaptainFuture No, she mustn't but being ill or working late is a way to ensure that she is.