Something strange about mother in law

[ThatSparklyPearlShark]

Hi everyone,

I had no idea who to voice this to so thought this would be the best option. Basically myself and my partner have been together for one year next week. I’m 27 and he’s 40 and we have a wonderful relationship. He is very close to his mother she’s 72. All of his family adore his mother and constantly say how lovely she is. I agree she is nice but a couple of things have happened that have made me feel a little uneasy and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

for example the weekend just gone she came to stay with us. We treated her all weekend to meals shopping etc and she seemed to have a great time. On Sunday she said she’d planned to leave at 4pm. On Sunday morning I suggested we go to the coffee shop for some breakfast at 10:30 am , anyway so myself and my partner were getting ready and it must’ve been about 10:25 when I got to the kitchen ( we live in a bungalow) and just before I got to the kitchen I heard her say ‘ for f sake hurry the f up all f’ing weekend of waiting around’ in a really annoyed and different voice - she usually sounds really sweet and has a light voice but this was deep and snappy. I came through to the kitchen and she instantly switched to her ‘sweet’ voice. I was just a bit startled ? Like wth ! She wasn’t waiting around at all we were so attentive to her all weekend and did everything she wanted there was no waiting around.

another thing she often does is go on and on about how thin and beautiful her daughter is in front of me when my partners not around . She’ll say things like (insert daughter’s name) ’ is so skinny anything looks good on her because she has that kind of figure. She mentions how beautiful and thin her daughter is every time without fail. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to bother me if it was mentioned once but it’s EVERY SINGLE TIME we see her it’s so strange.

I just feel a bit uneasy around her . I haven’t voiced this to my partner as I don’t want to upset him as he loves his mum so much. I don’t plan on telling him either I just wanted to voice my experience.

am I overeacting ? Or is she just a normal mother in law?

thanks

xx

Bloody hell, being nasty is not just like a normal MIL.

😁😁😁😁

Why are people saying MIL is nasty and showing her true personality - she muttered and swore under her breath in an empty room.

Do none of you mutter or swear when exasperated at something?

Is your boyfriend a bachelor? If so, older single men can be weird when it comes to their mothers. My husband was 41 when we got married and his mum was the most important woman in his life. 20 years later, she still is.

Yes. Of course. But the difference in her muttering ‘Oh I do wish they’d hurry up’ and growling in a demonic voice whilst dropping the f word several times is quite an about face. And so very different to her little meek old lady demeanour that she has most of the time. Which shows that she has a side to her personality she keeps well hidden.

I’m lovely. I don’t need to explain the years of crazy mil behaviour on here , she has caused lots of issues.

I am lucky that I have people to sound off to in real life, who are aware of the conniving, scheming weirdness. And have my back

Yes, I am obviously hurt by my MIL and it has affected me.

Those of you who are good MILs and have good MILs are very fortunate ❤️

It's odd but I'd be 'smile and wave'
My MIL has passed now, but over the 30 years of knowing her, I never really got 'close' to her and she would say some very odd things, esp in her latter years (we put it down to cognitive decline, she didn't have dementia). I was always pleasant, civil, had some nice times, she was good to the grandchildren, etc. Think sometimes you just have to put up with weirdness from a MIL as long as they aren't completely weird or controlling of their sons.

Not just men, women too! I know a couple who are very 'mother obsessed' and never married (we are in our 50s).

Being 72 doesn't make her a little meek old lady.

Joanna Lumley is in her late 70s and by all accounts a sweet kind family woman - I bet we'd all find it funny and not demonic if she dropped a few f*ucks in the kitchen!

It makes sense I suppose.

No, absolutely. But the little sweet voice she normally uses gives her that persona that she portrays 99% of the time.

It usually takes two in life and give and take helps.

Would you prefer she says everything she is thinking to your face? Is that what you honestly do to other people?
She is trying to be nice to you.
What she said ( to herself ) is not dreadful anyway.

"Basically myself and my partner have been together for one year next week."

You've been together for less than a year.

You are not married.

Why do you refer to your partner's mother as your "mother-in-law"? She is not your mother-in-law.

Unfortunately there is no give and take with her, she has no humility.

I tried to make it work for my husband but she cannot see anyone else’s POV.

it’s been quite significant things, she is a conspiracy theorist and at one one point was bombarding us with fake health stories to scaremonger us into not vaccinating our children. She is a danger

He's too old for you.

She has shown you who she is.

She will be a nightmare for potentially 20 years.

And he'll be on her side.

Anyway.

Learn to stand up for yourself.

Tell her you get the message, and you (and her son!!) are perfectly happy with your figure just as it is.

'I don't know if you've realised but you've said that before ... we've noticed you're starting to repeat yourself, and that can be cause for concern ... is everything ok?' Kind, concerned, head tilted, talking to The Elderly tone of voice.

It's going to be hard. But you need to take action. Because if you don't stamp on this behaviour NOW - it will become your life. And you'll be back here about her interfering in your lives, your children, your home ...

And I bet she probably does. Love her!

The repetition of the skinny daughter thing does make me think of dementia actually. My mum wheels out the same phrases on a loop.

Just be on your guard. She’s no sweet old lady, that’s for sure, and it sounds like he will believe her over you every time. Make sure you stand up for yourself and if her guard slips when the two of you are alone, yours can too! Dont take any shit just do it with a sweet smile when in front of others.
PS a better plan is to get TF out now. He’s too old, she’s batshit and will likely make your life a potential misery. Don’t suppose you will listen though..

Why is saying her dd wears clothes well such a travesty. ( I mean I kind of hope my mum says it about me if I’m honest!) 🤣

Maybe she normally has breakfast at 8am? I'd be fed up too if I had to wait until 10.30. Weekends aren't a lot different from the rest of the week once you're retired .

Exactly this 😂

@Spacehop ’s point of view is that your point of view is absurd - not that you are absurd.

But in any case…er…as you say yourself, don’t tell people they shouldn’t speak their point of view.

Are you tryiing to shut down the entire internet?

I think you mean your partner’s mother. She’s not your mother in law.