Something strange about mother in law

[ThatSparklyPearlShark]

Hi everyone,

I had no idea who to voice this to so thought this would be the best option. Basically myself and my partner have been together for one year next week. I’m 27 and he’s 40 and we have a wonderful relationship. He is very close to his mother she’s 72. All of his family adore his mother and constantly say how lovely she is. I agree she is nice but a couple of things have happened that have made me feel a little uneasy and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

for example the weekend just gone she came to stay with us. We treated her all weekend to meals shopping etc and she seemed to have a great time. On Sunday she said she’d planned to leave at 4pm. On Sunday morning I suggested we go to the coffee shop for some breakfast at 10:30 am , anyway so myself and my partner were getting ready and it must’ve been about 10:25 when I got to the kitchen ( we live in a bungalow) and just before I got to the kitchen I heard her say ‘ for f sake hurry the f up all f’ing weekend of waiting around’ in a really annoyed and different voice - she usually sounds really sweet and has a light voice but this was deep and snappy. I came through to the kitchen and she instantly switched to her ‘sweet’ voice. I was just a bit startled ? Like wth ! She wasn’t waiting around at all we were so attentive to her all weekend and did everything she wanted there was no waiting around.

another thing she often does is go on and on about how thin and beautiful her daughter is in front of me when my partners not around . She’ll say things like (insert daughter’s name) ’ is so skinny anything looks good on her because she has that kind of figure. She mentions how beautiful and thin her daughter is every time without fail. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to bother me if it was mentioned once but it’s EVERY SINGLE TIME we see her it’s so strange.

I just feel a bit uneasy around her . I haven’t voiced this to my partner as I don’t want to upset him as he loves his mum so much. I don’t plan on telling him either I just wanted to voice my experience.

am I overeacting ? Or is she just a normal mother in law?

thanks

xx

Omg a 40 year old woman with a 27 year old man is stomach turningly creepy!

No it's not, it's perfectly okay.

I’m a mother in law and I’m not like ‘this’. But Mumsnetters do love mother in law bashing! I find it hilarious … just live and let live.

Did her head do a 360° spin?

@ThatSparklyPearlShark
Family who like your bf’s mother have known her for years. And so has your bf.
(she is hardly your mother in law - you’ve only been dating for a year).
Yet, you seem to think that after meeting this 72yo woman for a few brief moments - YOU know her true nature…

My guess is that whatever uneasiness/issues you feel is more about you, than about this woman who is well liked by her family.

If you want this relationship to work - I’d not try to open your bf’s eyes to how his mother ‘really is’. Just sayijg…

That’s good, I’m glad you’re not.

I will bash my MIL as much as I like she is a c^nt

My grandma does this, she's lived alone for years and her inside voice has become very much an outside voice if she thinks she's alone!

I stopped reading after 'I am 27 and he is 40''.

Don't tie yourself to a much older man with 'mummy dearest' issues...

This was my first though- I’d be concerned more than annoyed.

I agree, I’ve worked with people with dementia and a voice thats very different to her own and the swearing sounds familiar and more than just someone having a grumble behind closed doors.

Well you sound charming!

Yes most people of that age I know tend to like to be up and moving quite some hours before that.

I know my parents find our house frustratingly inefficient in that way. They even say it to us! At least she was clearly trying to vent privately.

Re the slim daughter, most mums are proud. I don’t think that kind of waxing lyrical is so very bad or unusual. If it had been a son she had kept saying was so very handsome you’d probably just find it amusing. I think it’s the feeling of competition you are sensing and that might be coming from you as much as her.

Tbh I don’t think she sounds like your biggest concern: I’d be keeping an eye on your partner’s attitudes. The age gap is more unusual than an elderly mum saying her dd looks lovely in what she wears.

She doesn't sound like a nice person though. She has been catered to and treated all weekend and instead of being grateful, she starts slagging off OP who hasn't done anything wrong.

The constant mentioning of how slim and beautiful her daughter is seems designed to to make an unflattering comparison with OP's weight and appearance.

Well I’d tell the boyfriend to see his response. And if he at worst doesn’t believe you or is defensive I’d be reconsidering the relationship.

potential to be a nightmare.

OP has said that she left a guest tray for her in her room with snacks her partner said she liked, particular granola bars, fruit snacks etc.

Her boyfriends mother sounds more immature than OP with her ridiculous rant and her constant references to her daughter's slimness and beauty. Why on earth would OP care how beautiful this woman is? It's obviously a dig.

Now you know what she is really like - use this knowledge to protect yourself. Be pleasant to her but never confide anything, ever. Don't see her more than you need to. And remember she'll speak to your future daughters about their weight in the same way if you have them with this man.

I’m not sure it is obviously a dig.

All the women of my mums generation think their Dc and gc are beautiful, fabulous, brilliant. They get a lot of pride and meaning out of their family.

One of my mum’s friend’s sons has had a promotion which her friends found out about. The mum has been telling everyone that so and so knows about the promotion because it was apparently “on the news.” 😂 It was on his linked in profile!

You have now seen her for what she is and noone will believe you.

You need to be very very careful. This woman has committed to a character for decades. She has pretended to be sweet and kind to get what she wants - but now you know exactly what she is.

Does she know you heard her??

You need to protect yourself. Maybe have a hidden camera or a voice activated recording device.

This is like going back to the Dark Ages and Witch Hunting!

People get old and grumpy! They often ache in their joints. The world does things differently from what they are used to. It’s probably deeply frustrating at times. They are proud of their Dc and gc and sometimes say so. For goodness sake!

We live in an enlightened society but sometimes on these MIL threads you wouldn’t know it. It’s like being 13 again and all deciding the strict teacher has some dark secret in her basement.

I mean this post could be a paragraph from Roald Dahl’s “The Witches.”

And that was written as comedy.

Don't most people put on a pleasant face to others and have a little grumble to themselves? She thought nobody was around. It's not like she was saying terrible things about you. She was probably just hungry, 10.30 is very late to eat breakfast for a lot of people.

Exactly.

How boringly realistic of you @EmmaRose25 !

Was there food before 10.30?
I'd have gone and had my breakfast long before that - was she hangry?
As dor the daughter comments, is she aware how often she says it? Are you sensitive about weight?

The deep sweary voice was surely her muttering to herself thinking that no one would hear - rather than some creepy Exorcist-type behaviour!

Would you rather she said it out loud directly to you?

I would t be eating snacks before I was going to go out to eat because then I wouldn't eat the breakfast!

Well she’s shown you she’s not the sweet old dear she is the rest of the time. And now you know and can be prepared for any other nasty comments.
The daughter thing… I think she sees you as a threat and is bigging up her daughter whilst trying to subtly put you down.
I’d bet that she’s not thrilled about the relationship, particularly the age gap.
She’s shown you who she is, so see her. And decide if you want to get more involved in what could prove a difficult relationship.