In-laws going back on holiday cost

[Topazbear]

I’m pretty wound up so I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable!

We were invited to my MIL 60th weekend away camping. We are not campers, we don’t do it because we don’t enjoy it but my husband really wanted to do it as obviously it was a special occasion and quite a few other family members were going so he didn’t want us to be the only ones not doing it. FIL knows full well we would have no camping equipment etc but had said he was paying for the pitches for every one which was £120 for 3 nights which I thought was fair enough and then we could decide whether we would buy the tent, sleeping bags etc or hire a bell tent that comes with everything. We decided to do the bell tent for £410 - expensive but not really too much more than buying a tent and everything else needed for 2 adults and 2 kids considering we’d likely never use it again. Plus we wouldn’t need to pack up the car too much and it would generally make life easier, we thought it was worth it

now FIL is asking for the money for the pitch, I know it’s not a huge amount compared to what we paid for the bell tent but it’s the principal. They are extremely comfortable money wise so I can’t understand why they’re asking for it. I don’t know if it stings so much because my husband refuses to question him about it for fear of causing a row, or if it’s because my parents spring for a weekend away every year for us all because they love to have everyone together and spend time with their grandchildren (we offer money everytime and are refused, but we will pay for a meal out for them while we’re away) My husbands attitude was ‘well we get one free weekend a year so it’s not so bad having to pay for this one’ I was livid when he said that

So a 3 day weekend camping, which we would never usually choose to do is now going to cost us upwards of £700 if not more once you take food and drink and activities into account and I’m feeling pretty bitter about it all 😂

Yep, pretty much! i can feel something without having to lose it - I did voice my opinion but we didn’t argue. He often will say ‘that’s just the way they are’.

This sounds really shitty. I also don’t like to camp so would be irritated he’s basically tricked you into paying more for a shit camping trip. I’d also be pissed off they are in a camper van and you’re in a tent. I’d also be irritated with the comment about the free weekend your parents generously give.

you have a DH issue! Mine would have said no sorry camping doesn’t work for us, let’s do xyz at a different time or we will come for the activities and sleep in a hotel. No way would we be camping if even one of us didn’t want to! And if I asked my sons do you want to camp I’d expect them to say if they didn’t! Your husband is irritating.

Good plan 😂

So does he have form for this behaviour over the years you’ve known him? Making financial promises and then reneging?

I’mdoes he dislike “poshness”? My first thought was that he thinks you’re acting too posh and so if you can pay for a fancy tent while everyone else slums it then you can pay for your own bloody pitch fee! Well, I don’t agree with him necessarily but I just wonder if that’s what it’s all about for him. I think it’s just something that needs to be talked through…

You don’t tell your husband when you’re upset. That is truly awful. There’s no way I could deal with just holding all this in. Is it too late to just cancel and do something else with MIl for her birthday (just you all, not suggesting their change their plans) or why can’t you stay in a local b&b and meet up in the day? No way I fuck would I spending this much on a shite camping trip. They aren’t fun. And technically they aren’t even blooding camping! They are in a VW FFS.

This! OP, any chance of a refund for the bell tent and pitch? I'd book a nice hotel instead and just turn up for some of the activities.

The fancy tent part probably has got their back up but they can fuck all the way off with that. They aren’t even bloody camping in a tent. I think you’re right tho that OP booking the tent has pissed him off so now he’s saying fine you pay your own pitching fee. OP if you discover everyone else is having their fees paid I’d cancel.

No, this is the first time they’ve done something like this so I’ve nothing to compare it to. Look, I get it - it’s not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, I’ve said from the beginning it’s the principle of it. They know we have no camping stuff so the cost of this trip was going to be expensive for us from the get go, my husband obviously doesn’t want to be the only family member not going to his own mothers 60th bday. He’s def lacking in the ball dept for not bringing it up but he’s doesn’t really hold them to account for anything. They’re not short of money in the slightest - inviting people to a bday event and expecting them to pay for all of it is a bit of a cheek IMO. I wouldn’t expect them to pay for it all but at least the pitch was something

I think it’s extortionate. You could get a family room in a hotel or a airbnb apartment cheaper than that!

Definitely one for a grumble with your DH, OP, not a big "on principle" biggie.

I’m also agog at £700 for 3 nights camping! Probably too late now but I’d rather get a nearby hotel/b and b and clear off to a proper bed in the evening.

Wow our favourite tent was £35 from Asda. Our huge fancy decathlon one is a bit of a faff.

Is it one huge pitch he has hired? I would have thought that multiple families need multiple pitches in which case I think you should be able to cancel the one spare pitch if you are staying elsewhere in a bell tent?

This has been in the works for ages, we booked the bell tent a while ago - we talked about it a lot first and DH said he knows that we don’t like camping but he’d really like to go so I agreed because we do an awful lot with my family and I know he feels bad that his parents don’t reciprocate. He said his dad would be paying for the pitch so we could decide what to do about the rest and we agreed on bell tent - bit more expensive but worth it for a decent weekend. He got emailed today by his dad a bill for the pitch along with his bank details - hence my coming on here today to vent. I needed to know if I was being unreasonable before going in and having a proper conversation with DH about it 🙂

So fil has never behaved like this before
and dh rarely gets together with family
and it’s DH’s mum’s 60th

I can totally understand him not wanting to raise with his dad.

seems to me better to assume he’s genuinely forgotten given you say he’s never done anything like this before

He said his dad would be paying for the pitch

I reckon his dad never said this
I think you dh said this to you to try and convince you do this because you didn’t want to

Just wanted to say that we’ve done the ‘hire a bell tent’ thing and it was worth every penny if you’re sure this will be a one off camping trip never to be repeated. In our case we’d easily spend more than the cost of the bell tent hire to buy a basic tent, bedding, chairs, etc for 2 adults and a couple of kids. Our bell tent even had a wood burner in it.

Maybe they’re peeved that you’ll steal MIL’s thunder - almost everyone on the campsite we stayed stopped and wanted to have a look inside the tent (the hire company left a little advertising board outside the tent) - it was really fancy with a proper double bed. It may end up as the focal point of the trip.

And yeah I’d be pissed off at your DH, happy to have a weekend away on your parents dime, but won’t say boo to a goose when it comes to his own parents reneging on an arrangement. Make sure you get lots downtime chilling with a good book and a bottle of wine while he entertains the children on this trip!

So your husband trelly wanted to go, but you weren’t keen. You husband told you that his father would pay for the pitch rather than you actually hearing your fil offer

yep, my bet is your dh made it up because he is so keen to go

Unfortunately the campsite and village it’s situated in is really tiny in the middle of nowhere and the airbnbs are really quite expensive - tourist trap type place - think St Ives (only smaller) but in Devon

This is reassuring, thank you! I’m sure we’ll have a great time once we’re there and we really won’t ever go camping again so def worth the price of the bell tent!

Haha, that is a possibility - my SIL is ringing me later so I’ll find out if that’s the case - then I’ll have an entirely different problem to deal with!

Well all it will demonstrate is how desperate your dh was to go but knew that you didn’t want to, so was trying to say anything so you’d agree

it is obviously really important to him op

I think you’re a blinking saint for agreeing to go camping OP!

Sounds like a miscommunication, grit your teeth and it’ll soon be over. Your DH owes you big time, make sure he knows that!

At least you can say you will NEVER do it again.