In-laws going back on holiday cost

[Topazbear]

I’m pretty wound up so I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable!

We were invited to my MIL 60th weekend away camping. We are not campers, we don’t do it because we don’t enjoy it but my husband really wanted to do it as obviously it was a special occasion and quite a few other family members were going so he didn’t want us to be the only ones not doing it. FIL knows full well we would have no camping equipment etc but had said he was paying for the pitches for every one which was £120 for 3 nights which I thought was fair enough and then we could decide whether we would buy the tent, sleeping bags etc or hire a bell tent that comes with everything. We decided to do the bell tent for £410 - expensive but not really too much more than buying a tent and everything else needed for 2 adults and 2 kids considering we’d likely never use it again. Plus we wouldn’t need to pack up the car too much and it would generally make life easier, we thought it was worth it

now FIL is asking for the money for the pitch, I know it’s not a huge amount compared to what we paid for the bell tent but it’s the principal. They are extremely comfortable money wise so I can’t understand why they’re asking for it. I don’t know if it stings so much because my husband refuses to question him about it for fear of causing a row, or if it’s because my parents spring for a weekend away every year for us all because they love to have everyone together and spend time with their grandchildren (we offer money everytime and are refused, but we will pay for a meal out for them while we’re away) My husbands attitude was ‘well we get one free weekend a year so it’s not so bad having to pay for this one’ I was livid when he said that

So a 3 day weekend camping, which we would never usually choose to do is now going to cost us upwards of £700 if not more once you take food and drink and activities into account and I’m feeling pretty bitter about it all 😂

I totally understand your frustration OP.

FWIW I'm a MIL and there's no way I would suggest something that would incur such a lot of expense for my family - especially if it was something they don't even enjoy doing.

For my 60th we took everyone out for a meal and for OH's we booked a big house and all went away for the weekend. We're not wealthy but we covered all the costs, I wouldn't have dreamt of asking our children and their partners to pay.

I think you need to just suck it up on this occasion and at least you can refuse future camping on the grounds of expense and you not wanting to pay to hire again.

Also by paying for your own pitch there is no danger of them being able to act as if you owe them if you decide to do your own thing a night

You'd need more than the cheapest tent Decathlon do for 4 people.. be serious.

To get enough kit for the very very basics:

SLeeping bags each
Sleeping mats each
Basic plate and bowl each (cutlery from home)
Table
Campingaz stove and kettle (to make own brew at a time that suits them)
Chairs
Cool bag

You're looking at over £300.

To do it without that you're then banking on everyone else being happy to lend food storage, cooking facilities, chairs, tables, and if most are in vans, they're unlikely to be offering these at a time that suits another family.

£400 ish for a really comfy tent with actual beds and everything you need to be properly comfortable, rather than slumming it on the tightest possible budget is extremely cheap!

This is what my family are like as well so I don’t think that helps with the way I’m feeling about it either

When my husband won’t have a grown up conversation with his parents, that’s (sometimes) my cue to also act like I’m not a grown up either. If he won’t even ask about the pitch fees, then I would tell him we clearly aren’t struggling over £700, so I’ll be going away the weekend after on my own and spending £700 on myself. I know, I know, it’s family money, and I don’t want to punish our kids as well but I would ask my parents in the same situation. DH needs to grow up OP.

Someone also mentioned the gift - yes we have also done that and gone in with SIL to buy a gift voucher type thing they can put towards flights so they can go on city break somewhere 🙃

So your DH is lacking in the balls department, and you are having to fork out £700+ for camping. Fuck. That.

I too would be livid if my DH intimated that it’s okay for my parents to subsidize his parents’ selfish and ridiculous birthday plans. It would add insult to injury that it’s fucking CAMPING (as a non-camper, too).

Do you need to pay for a pitch, it’s usually included with the bell tent?

Oh 😬

Heavens! Bit… mumsnetty-dramatic

That is a good attitude, OP. Suck it up, remember what it's for, and enjoy it.

I was livid when he said that

so big argument? How’s it been left?
seems a shame that if your husband is ok with it and is looking forward to spending time with family he doesn’t see very often… to create a big hoo-hah over it

Wild horses couldn't make me camp with 6 other families and pay £700 for the privilege! For that money you could get a decent hotel.

I'd suddenly become ill the day before you're due to leave!

Nope, no argument, I’m not that heartless - I came here to vent instead! See my previous replies to other posts, I am trying to be reasonable 🙂

That’s what got my back up, they way he said it really pissed me off

Bloody hell, you could have bought a tent outright for half the cost of hiring one, OP, got a couple of cheapo inflatable mattresses and taken bedding from home.

What was the “way” did he say it? on the face of it he just said that not so bad for £120 and he’ll pay as he’s find it tricky to raise

clearly not remotely close family like you and yours. So accept that he and his father will have a different less open relationship

So you were livid
and your husband has no idea?
I can’t imagine what your face would have looked like…. Purple?!

That is what parents did. They wanted all the family together for a big birthday so they paid for all the accommodation for everyone and we had to all pay towards the food.

seems odd to have a big birthday holiday and expect everyone to pay their own accommodation when it is essentially a compulsory trip!

But they have no intention of going camping ever again so the choice was between going camping once and having a luxury experience or going camping once, with budget equipment, and then having to store that budget equipment for the next twenty years.

The bell tent hire was £410 - we figured a tent big enough for all 4 of us, plus blow up beds, chairs etc this was worth the price. The bell tent comes with literallly everything included - stove, gas, table and chairs bedding etc. We are not campers (even my husband hates it) and we’d never use it again. The £700 figure is coming from the additional £120 for the pitch plus food, drinks activities for the rest of the weekend which would have been spent anyway - my original point was that FIL had offered to pay the pitch cost for everyone which we really appreciated as he knows we have no camping gear so it was already going to be expensive for us

On a side note camping is quite hideous. Take earplugs, and battery packs for phone. Lean on PILs van and hang out there as much as you can. Ignore hints and grow a thick skin. Send the kids over to them early doors and say ‘wow camping is so great’ !

see if you can be £120 worth annoying as a fun game to keep you sane

maybe also piss off to the pub for a couple hours, leaving the kids with the PILs

What’s wrong with hiring a big air bnb for everyone hey?!

That would literally cost thousands in the summer months. We’re doing it for my bloke’s 70th and we won’t see much change from £5k.

Has your FIL, in all the years you have known him, done something like this or similar? Is he generally a tight ass? Prone to throwing out promises and then back tracking?