In-laws going back on holiday cost

[Topazbear]

I’m pretty wound up so I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable!

We were invited to my MIL 60th weekend away camping. We are not campers, we don’t do it because we don’t enjoy it but my husband really wanted to do it as obviously it was a special occasion and quite a few other family members were going so he didn’t want us to be the only ones not doing it. FIL knows full well we would have no camping equipment etc but had said he was paying for the pitches for every one which was £120 for 3 nights which I thought was fair enough and then we could decide whether we would buy the tent, sleeping bags etc or hire a bell tent that comes with everything. We decided to do the bell tent for £410 - expensive but not really too much more than buying a tent and everything else needed for 2 adults and 2 kids considering we’d likely never use it again. Plus we wouldn’t need to pack up the car too much and it would generally make life easier, we thought it was worth it

now FIL is asking for the money for the pitch, I know it’s not a huge amount compared to what we paid for the bell tent but it’s the principal. They are extremely comfortable money wise so I can’t understand why they’re asking for it. I don’t know if it stings so much because my husband refuses to question him about it for fear of causing a row, or if it’s because my parents spring for a weekend away every year for us all because they love to have everyone together and spend time with their grandchildren (we offer money everytime and are refused, but we will pay for a meal out for them while we’re away) My husbands attitude was ‘well we get one free weekend a year so it’s not so bad having to pay for this one’ I was livid when he said that

So a 3 day weekend camping, which we would never usually choose to do is now going to cost us upwards of £700 if not more once you take food and drink and activities into account and I’m feeling pretty bitter about it all 😂

the bell tent was hired from an external company that will come along to any campsite within a certain radius - the campsite itself is pretty old school and just has pitches for hire, they don’t have any accommodation onsite. So FIL was paying for pitches and the the rest of the family turn up with whatever they have to go camping, regular tent, campervan etc

You are essentially going “glamping” in a bell tent
you don’t pay pitch fees on top of that op

Bell tent has been hired from an external company, campsite just offers pitches, it’s a pretty basic site

how many other family groups are going?

whatever, I wouldn’t make this something to cause tension with my husband about

I think a lot of people are confused about that part.

We haven’t stayed on a site like that though, they have four of their own erect but also outside companies come on and put up various tents for people who don’t normally camp.

Since they are going in a VW convert they certainly won’t be thinking your camping wrong.

So either he forgot or his a sod who deliberately set out to trick you once you’d paid out loads.

6 other families/couples - mix of campervans and tents. I think we’ve established that perhaps I am overreacting 😂

@Topazbear this is the reason that daughters in law often fall out with the out laws!! the sons are wimps and too scared to open their bloody mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup!

Nobody "forgets" when they've offered to pay for something. Especially well off people 😅
I suggest a polite but firm "reminder".
£120 isn't much but if he's paying several £120s he may have found his pockets have tightened up. He's also factoring in the cost of food and booze and realised a weekends camping trip is going to cost him around £2000.

Is FIL paying for everyone's pitches? Or was it just going to be yours?

You'd be paying for food and drink for your family that weekend anyway, wherever you were. So take that out of the equation.

It is my experience that petty arguments about "the principle of the thing" are never, ever worth the bother and falling out.

FIL almost certainly forgot he offered. The apprehension you feel about going is far more important. I hope it turns out to be unfounded and you have a good time.

Pay it and never go on holiday with them again.

have you checked with the others to find out their understanding of who was paying for the pitch? Maybe you misunderstood or maybe they are only paying for some of the pitches

I think the most likely situation is that he’s found out you’ve paid £400+ for a fancy tent and got the face on and spitefully decided, “well they can afford to pay for their own pitch then”

Campers can be an odd sort.

You might as well have paid £100 for a 4 person tent from decathlon and mucked in for 3 nights. At least it would have been cheaper and you'd have had a tent at the end of it.

its possible that my husband got the wrong end of the stick and when FIL said he’d pay for the pitches he meant it as he would do it all in one go and then each family pay him back the cost. I’ll check with my SIL and see what they’ve been told. I think I’m just begrudging paying such a lot of money for one weekend of camping but it is for MIL’s 60th so that’s what I need to remember. It’s not their fault that we don’t have all the gear which has been what has added to the expense. What’s wrong with hiring a big air bnb for everyone hey?!

Let your husband take the kids & enjoy a weekend to yourself. It sounds like a nightmare.

Your in-laws are pretty inconsiderate, OP. I understand this is a big birthday, but it's pretty selfish to except others to fork out £700 plus food and drinks (and a gift, I imagine) because they like to go camping. I can't even imagine asking any of my friends or family members to do this, much less invest in equipment that I know they will never use again. Your FIL asking for you to chip in even more is petty and thoughtless. They really aren't giving any consideration to you at all, they are simply thinking, MIL likes to camp, we have all this equipment, that's what we'll do. Absolutely no thought at all to anyone else. Very, very self-absorbed.

It would have been more appropriate to simply do a nice dinner. If they were hell bent on camping, they should have offered to pay for everything, imo.

Personally, I'd have a migraine that weekend and let DH take the kids.

We did think about that but we honestly just wouldn’t have used it again and the faff of every we’d need to bring with us in the car - the bell tent comes with a double bed, 2 singles, all bedding, gas stove, utensils, table and chairs, and outside cover thing etc etc - I figured we may as well be comfortable doing it and keep everyone in a good mood - especially if others were turning up in fancy vans 😂

See, this was my initial response to it all - I do understand that they like to camp, and it’s her birthday but it’s a lot to ask. Although, the rest do have vans and tents so it was just us without so it was very much a case of if we don’t stump up we’ll be the only ones not going. I’m and I would never expect plans to change just for us. Just one of those things I think I’m going to have to swallow on this occasion

It takes a lot of nerve to put other people out for one's own birthday. She is a grown woman who is expecting a lot of fanfare. I'm not a grandmother, but when I am, I would never want my adult children to spend that kind of money to accommodate my birthday plans when it could be used toward my grandkids. Even if money isn't an object, it's just so selfish. I also can't imagine forcing my family members to take a camping holiday if they weren't campers--that alone is a price (non-monetary) she is asking you to pay. Not to mention the time...

Fair - we wouldn't have dreamed of going on a camping holiday when our DSs were children - but one of them did DofE, so needed camping stuff, and as adults they go off once a year together for a few days hiking and camping. So you never know!

Sorry @Topazbear no useful advice but just to say I sympathise completely with you. I would rather have a red hot poker up the bum than go camping 😂. I detest it! I totally agree with @MyLittleNest It was very inconsiderate especially if the IL’s know you haven’t got camping gear? What’s wrong with a nice celebratory meal somewhere? I would be furious at spending £700 on this.