I have a 6 year old DD, my sister has a 4 year old DD and lives a 2 hour drive away. We were always very close but in the past few years the relationship has broken down. She's made it clear she tolerates me just so she can see DD.
A few months ago my Mum asked if she could take my DD to my sisters for the weekend, I kindly explained that me and DH wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Mum has DD for overnight visits a few times a year and she's welcome to have her whenever she wants but I have my concerns about the way my sister parents and I can't expect her to police that. Sister has a knack of disappearing whenever there's another adult, one time I was at hers and she was gone for an hour - it turned out shed gone to her friends next door for a coffee and not told anyone! So its likely mum will be left doing most of the childcare. Mum agrees with my concerns but refuses to raise them with my sister (she says its none of her business how sister parents her child) Mum was very annoyed but left it.
I actually posted on here at the time as I was so annoyed but during October half term Sister invited herself to stay for the week and it was awful, she was largely disinterested in both girls to the point where me and DH did most of the child care, even basics such as making DN had brushed her teeth and had a wash. DN was constantly asking where her mum was. There were also a few instances which troubled me on the few occasions she actually did interact with them
- I found her upstairs with both girls and all her medication scattered over the bed and she was explaining what each one was for "this makes me feel less anxious, this makes me feel less sad, this helps my pain etc etc" Sister has a chronic condition so does need medication but I suspect she's topping up the prescription tramadol & codeine with co-codamol from the chemist as there was a huge amount and only some had prescription stickers. The bag of medication is always on display and certainly not out of reach, I was constantly putting it away in a cupboard much to her annoyance.
- Caught her having a conversation with both girls about anxiety, how it presents in different ways, tummy ache, feeling nervous etc. and how she manages her anxiety - I can't think of any reason why this would have come up in conversation and it was one of the few times she actually sat and chatted with them both which made it stranger.
- She's told DN that Father Christmas and the tooth fairy aren't real as she doesn’t believe in lying to children.
- DN never wears clothes at home, not even underwear, the week they stayed I was constantly asking my DD to get dressed as obviously she wanted to copy her cousin. At her house DN is allowed to play in the garden and out the front of the house (it’s a cul-de-sack) completely naked, she also doesn’t make the child wear shoes when they go out, so she walks barefoot to the shop, on the bus, even in public toilets - sister just says DN has sensory issues and if she wants the leave the house she has to let her be barefoot.
DD came back from my mums this weekend asking when is she going to stay over at cousins house as Nanny was telling her about it. Next time I see Mum I'll make it very clear again that DD won't be going there without me and I'm annoyed she's mentioned it to DD as I now have to explain that she won't be going and DD is going to think it's my fault she can't go. Mum and sister have a history of guilt tripping and manipulating to get what they want and since having DD I've grown a bit of a back bone and they seem to be struggling with no getting what they want I suspect…
How can I explain to 6 year old DD that she can't go and stay with her cousin because her auntie's lazy and I don’t trust her Nanny to keep her safe? Do I just brush it off and hope she forgets? She loves her cousin so much and misses her :(