Are his messages to 'work friends' crossing a line or AIBU?

[Whyonearthwouldyou]

This may seem super petty, I don't know, I feel super gaslit and I'm really struggling here.

DP of 10 years has been super cagey with his phone lately, very noticeably. I haven't said anything but same vibes as when I caught him texting another woman many years ago (admittedly the messages were far worse than these). Anyway Friday he forgot his phone when picking up DC, first time he's let it out of his sight in as long as I can remember. I looked through it and saw a couple of messages that made me uncomfortable so I took it and drove off to read through it all properly (I appreciate I sound crazy here)

Anyway I found evidence of huge debts and messages to other women. Funnily enough the same women who I don't know but keep appearing in my 'suggested friends' on FB.

I've attached pictures of the messages and each different woman is a different colour. Obviously I've not seen any evidence of him trying to meet up with these women or anything but these messages really really hurt. I know he's not attracted to me anymore but I can't remember him ever calling me 'beautiful' or 'pretty'.

I told him how much this hurt me but he says it's work banter and he's a bit of a lad at work and he calls all women beautiful etc even in person. It's my insecurities and I'm controlling for taking his phone (I do accept I shouldn't have taken his phone).

I asked him how he'd feel if I'd sent messages like that to make colleagues/friends and he said it would not bother him in the slightest. I said that's where I don't think we're compatible then because I think it crosses a line in my eyes.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting because I'm highly stressed and on my period at the moment so probably more sensitive than usual.

Thank you

I’d leave he seems absolutely desperate for these women almost like he doesn’t care which one. Cringe.

God what an attention seeking, cringy little man child. "Miss me" <vomit>
You are absolutely not over reacting. This man is desperate.
What are you going to do?

He's cheating, or if he isn't physically cheating yet, he's trying his fucking hardest to. Gross. Vomit inducing.
His messages are desperate and cringeworthy. 100% LTB there's no way back from this. Appreciate not that easy when married and have Kids together but I don't see how a relationship can ever come back from this.

He looks desperate tbh op, its not a good look for a single man let alone one in a relationship. This would be more hurtful to me than finding my partner texting one woman, as honestly he just seems to want to flirt with multiple women and doesn't care who they are 😑😑

He has literally put the aubergine emoji there to say he's got a hard on from looking at her lips and he's trying to meet up with her.
Fucking horrible cunt how date he downplay this.

I'm astonished and concerned that you need help on this one. Of course he's cheating and it's never the first time. He's an asshole.

He is obviously messaging anyone he remotely liked to see if anyone is interested at all.

Forget the cheating or not, he needs to come clean about the debts.

Some of these are from a year ago too, what a gross creep

Oh yes missed that bit.
Either escorts or only fans or both.
I'd do some secret digging.

…as soon as you start checking your partners phone, your relationship is doomed.

You don’t trust him, so what’s the point

What a pervy, lecherous little man. He’s dripping in desperation. The women don’t seem that interested at all. The conversations just go nowhere, they’re pointless. These messages are the modern day equivalent of a pervy bloke in his forties sidling up to young teenage girls in nightclubs and trying it on. The girls look at their mates and just laugh because he’s too old, dressed in the wrong clothes, has no money and screams ‘village idiot’.

Get rid OP. He’s a loser.

This. And then trying to make out that YOU'RE the unreasonable one. Please say you're making plans to leave this prick.

I wouldn’t waste any time secret digging, just get rid, you’re not married, just leave.

Really good point. I misread and thought They were married.
Yeah don't even give it the heads pace he's a horrible cheating slimy fuck who has no respect.
Saying he calls all women beautiful? But doesn't call op beautiful. Full of shit.
Aside from that even if he did call op beautiful and love bomb her with compliments his msgs are still way way way over the line.

Shocking I'd be furious the whole it wouldn't bother me if you did it is a lie to cover himself. He clearly can't be trusted.

Oh OP 😞

If he’s not cheating it’s only because the women he’s desperately messaging can see what a creep his is and are (rightly) giving him a wide berth.

Do yourself a favour and get rid.

ASAP.

If it's crossed a line in your eyes then it's not acceptable. You can set whatever standards you want in your relationship, he is free to go if he disagrees with them. I wouldn't like my partner messaging women like that, even if he insisted it was just friendly banter.
The women don't seem interested in progressing things so I doubt it's gone further, but what if he found someone who was keen?
And the secret debts are worse imo.

What an inane creep.

you menstruating is irrelevant here.

Shame you didn’t send screenshots to the other women. You could have caused fabulous chaos. Maybe there is still time.

Oh my gosh! You are not being unreasonable! Those messages are all gross! Can’t believe he’s trying do hard with DIFFERENT women!

God, he sounds like a total sleaze. He's fishing.

Yes absolutely horrible. And has audacity to try and turn it around on his wife taking phone!!!

Think it was doomed before she checked the phone ffs

You have been really beaten dien by this man. The debts alone are enough to leave but the (craptacular stupidity) of these messages would put me off him for life.

He must lie to you all the time for you to look at these messages and think that your hirmines are the problem.

Please save yourself and dump this tiny little loser of a man.