Are his messages to 'work friends' crossing a line or AIBU?

[Whyonearthwouldyou]

This may seem super petty, I don't know, I feel super gaslit and I'm really struggling here.

DP of 10 years has been super cagey with his phone lately, very noticeably. I haven't said anything but same vibes as when I caught him texting another woman many years ago (admittedly the messages were far worse than these). Anyway Friday he forgot his phone when picking up DC, first time he's let it out of his sight in as long as I can remember. I looked through it and saw a couple of messages that made me uncomfortable so I took it and drove off to read through it all properly (I appreciate I sound crazy here)

Anyway I found evidence of huge debts and messages to other women. Funnily enough the same women who I don't know but keep appearing in my 'suggested friends' on FB.

I've attached pictures of the messages and each different woman is a different colour. Obviously I've not seen any evidence of him trying to meet up with these women or anything but these messages really really hurt. I know he's not attracted to me anymore but I can't remember him ever calling me 'beautiful' or 'pretty'.

I told him how much this hurt me but he says it's work banter and he's a bit of a lad at work and he calls all women beautiful etc even in person. It's my insecurities and I'm controlling for taking his phone (I do accept I shouldn't have taken his phone).

I asked him how he'd feel if I'd sent messages like that to make colleagues/friends and he said it would not bother him in the slightest. I said that's where I don't think we're compatible then because I think it crosses a line in my eyes.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting because I'm highly stressed and on my period at the moment so probably more sensitive than usual.

Thank you

Scumbag

He must be really handsome or rich if these women are responding well to such crap lines. I don't think that makes him worth keeping though. Of course these messages are inappropriate and if he hasn't cheated yet it's only for lack of opportunity.

I'm thinking some of the women may be sex workers tbh

Seems unlikely if they're popping up as suggested friends on FB.

The last screenshot doesn't seem to be a co worker... "are you in the same job", her replying with "... I'm in That job"... 🤢

And she didn't know what his job was but seems like he did. Scummo

He's in debt!

You said hes not attracted to you anymore...leave.

He’s a bit of a sleaze.

His messages are so cringe ekkkkk

He isn't cheating but he's definitely trying to!

My take on the messages: he definitely isn’t cheating.

Those women sound for the most part like they are humouring him. It took a couple a while to reply. I bet they were thinking ‘Oh God, it’s Roy again”. Messages like that from a man I worked with would make everything clamp shut.

But I agree he sounds desperate and I think he thinks he sounds smooth. It’s incredibly embarrassing. I think he’d cheat given the opportunity and he’s is 100% crossing acceptable marital boundaries.

I’m sorry he’s behaving this way. What a bell end.

Have you posted about him before? The thing about him blaming stuff being the wrong time of the month seems familiar. If so, I think the consensus was to get rid and I'd say the same on this thread.

Yuck!! He’s a creep.

Entirely inappropriate messaging!! Agree, he isn’t cheating, but not from lack of trying!!