Parents hate the Childfree

[Youstolemygoddamnhouse]

Over the past few days there have been several post regarding children for example Our new Neighbours and my loud children and To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children. in both posts there are hateful comments about Childfree people. The second post in particular never mentioned anything about childfree people but then people started making comments about them. Plenty of parents hate other children despite having them. Why do parents care so much about Childfree people and their choices? Are you jealous? Need validation? Why all the hate? Most importantly will you own up to it?

YABU - I don’t hate the childfree
YANBU - yes I hate the childfree

As a parent I feel sorry for people who wanted children and couldn't have them, and I'm pleased for those who didn't want them and didn't have to have them. We're lucky to live at a time and in a country where women have reproductive choice so I'd rather celebrate that freedom - and the advent of fertility treatment for those who need it - than waste time being divisive.

I was going to dismiss your post as a ridiculous generalisation but actually now I think about it, I do think you're right about some parents at least. I thought I'd be childfree - DD was an unexpected joy - and so many parents were frankly rude to me about it, as though my life had no meaning as a woman without kids. I do think a lot of it is that sort of 'I've done it so I have to sell it to other people to justify my own choices' attitude, although I like to think some people are motivated more kindly by wanting you to share in something they've found special and meaningful. Still bloody annoying in either case.

I would also say that I do sometimes feel annoyed with my past child-free self a bit, and maybe elements of that get projected onto other child free people around me subconsciously? I'm annoyed with my past self for not 'getting' some of the challenged parents go through - I actually had the audacity as a young woman to think that some of my older parent colleagues were lazy because they didn't work evenings and weekends unpaid and I did. Frankly I had nothing more important to do and they did! I'm also annoyed that I didn't appreciate and make better use of the masses of free time and sleep opportunities that I had - I could have done so much more in terms of enjoying myself, pursyimg hobbies, volunteering, being a better person all round, and now I'm grateful for the chance of an uninterrupted 10 minute shower 😆.

But hate? No. Hopefully I and most parents respect other people as people most of the time at least and don't judge whatever choices or life circumstances have led them to have kids or not.

I would also say that one of the worst things about becoming a parent is being sometimes forced to spend time with other parents who you don't like. Some people are just assholes, regardless of whether they're parents or not (and I suspect having kids to show off about / exert power over / generally raise makes some assholes worse).

YABU and a bit silly

No of course parents don't hate the childfree. Like the childfree don't hate parents. (Most don't hate children! They are just always trying to defend their reasons for not having them/not wanting them, and often say/imply they hate children so that people will leave them alone!) Some mums feel attacked by the childfree because they're (seemingly) anti-child.

It's such a mess! 😬 Upshot is, that no-one should be hating anyone, and no-one should be defending their life choices, and everyone should just chill the fuk out! 😆

I have two children. I dont hate child free people. I feel sorry for those who want children and cant have them. For those that choose not to have children, good for them, its none of my business. I have a very nice life with my children, they are very well behaved, love to travel etc I enjoy my time with them vety much. I also make time for myself and spending time with my own mother, extended family and friends independent of the children. Currently at an adult only hotel with DH on holiday for a few days while my Mum minds the children. I understand I'm very lucky in this regard.

Its short sighted to say all child free people are living an awesome carefree life and all parents are depressed, burnt out, jealous of childfree.

Life is about choices. You might love to join a golf club and also a sailing club but can only afford one. Just because you join the golf club doesn't mean you hate or resent the people at the sailing club!

I dont hate children, some can be very annoying, so can many, many adults!

Exactly. I often wonder why they are on this forum . It's pointless to hate any section of society surely

I couldn't care less if people have children or not. It doesn't even cross my mind. I do think sometimes child free people are paranoid about it though - maybe bc they feel others are judging them - and convince themselves "parents hate the child free" as you put it.

Because there are loads of boards here that you don’t need to be a parent to be able to enjoy or find useful. There’s also an infertility board and a Mumsnetters without children board.

Quite frankly I don't think anyone is required to own that distinction. This is a very painful subject to some.

There are always pros and cons to every choice. It's human nature to wonder 'what if?', had an alternative decision been made.

As to whether others do or don't have children: I don't care. I concern myself with my own lifestyle choices, not other people's.

I don't think anything about child free people let alone hate them. I'm very happy with my choice to have children and I'm too busy living my life to think about other people's choices. Having said that iv never heard anyone having a conversation about child free people either. Really odd.

I think most people are too busy getting on with their lives to give a shit but the voices of the selfish and the jealous get a disproportionate amount of airtime

Are you jealous?

Jealous of what, @Youstolemygoddamnhouse? We made the decision to be parents. You forget that we were also childfree, some of us longer than others. You’re very confident that you’ve got something to be jealous of, considering you haven’t experienced both options.
What I always think is super weird is when people who are childfree by choice come onto a parenting forum (yes, I know that it’s ’open to everyone’, not just about parenting etc yada yada yada) and take a pop at parents for enjoying having kids.

Beyond a few snipes due to jealously (I presume), I've not really experienced this. The other way around... the "aggressively childfree", I heard plenty from. At worst they despise children and wish harm on them, but mainly they strongly dislike children and parents and set up Facebook pages about the topic.

I never wanted children, and I didn't really like them either. Until I had my own (an accident, but a really good one as it turned out), I never held a baby, nor was I even slightly interested in them. I found parents really annoying - they always managed to book the holidays off work, and nobody could possibly be more tired and stressed than they were.

Obviously I have mellowed out now, but I don't hate the childfree. I don't believe a woman's worth is determined by whether or not she has children. I do get a bit envious of their freedom and flexibility, because I really do miss that. But no, I don't hate the childfree.

Quite a few parents come on to the Mumsnetters Without Children Board and take a pop at us for enjoying not having kids!

Being childfree doesn’t naturally mean disliking children.

I don’t think parents hate the childfree. Most parents chose to have children (not all) so would have no reason to resent them. And those who do are being a bit ridiculous.

The odd rueful “that sounds nice” isn’t the same as hating the childfree, and is usually lighthearted.

This is true re many topics!

Mm. I'm not sure this is as much hate for the child free as yet another example of hate for older women. The ageist misogynists are typically kept busy yapping on about older mothers, out of touch, judgemental, controlling, possessive, selfish, demanding, mothers in law from hell etc. Looks like it's accured to them this leaves a whole pool of older women they haven't maligned. So enter a new trope - the child free older woman bitter because she always secretly wanted children. Do child free men get a mention at all...?

Parent here, and a lot of my very close friends are childfree by choice, including my sister whom I am very close to. I do not care who has kids or not and why. I do find the lack of tolerance towards children pretty obnoxious at times, and I do find the lack of consideration of some parents when it comes to their kids' bad behaviour really shitty at times.

Being childfree doesn’t naturally mean disliking children

Oh yes I've had lots of comments from people assuming I don't like kids. Admittedly I didn't used to dislike kids but think it was because I didn't have much experience with them. Totally changed my mind when I became an aunty 26 years ago. I was in love with my first niece as soon as I saw her. And when played with other people's kids they've said you're so good with kids considering you don't like them. I do like them! But the assumption is that I don't because I chose not to have them.

What a load of baloney OP, about 75% of my friends are childfree. It makes no difference to our friendship at all! They are all absolutely delightful to my child. In fact the only people who have made downright rude comments about kids/having kids have been parents themselves, which is quite sad tbh.

And more often than not people don’t have kids because they like children but because they want their own child.

Couldn't care less if someone is childfree.

Some childfree people seem to need to constantly remind people how awful they'd find parenting as if to justify it which is slightly annoying. If they're happy with their choice i'm not sure why they care.

It seems pretty obvious that the OP’s post doesn’t refer to people who wanted children, or wanted them under certain circumstances, and are in pain about not having them. Those people aren’t threatening to parents because they allow parents to feel superior and think of themselves as ‘the lucky ones’. OP is referring to people who didn’t have children because they didn’t want them. Yes it’s more complex or ambivalent to some, but some of this quibbling smacks of ‘I don’t believe anyone is genuinely childfree, they’re all hiding some pain about not having kids’. I can see why it suits parents to believe that, but that doesn’t automatically mean it’s the case.

This is so dumb. Substitute another group of people - the elderly, husbands, people with disabilities. You don't have the option to "only tolerate your own" because kids aren't pets or a lifestyle choice, they are human beings with the same rights as any other. Slightly different needs, as many groups have, but still human.

The UK is so child-intolerant it's unreal. Most of the world is not like that. I sometimes get the message from childfree people that they think the world is organised around families with kids when actually they are so judged and policed in public places.

I don't hate the childfree but since OP's stupid poll makes it a dichotomy, yeah I hear plenty of stuff on here and IRL sometimes from childfree people about kids that makes my blood boil so if there's only two choices then sure, I hate them.

Oh yes. There's no one more judgemental than other parents. I went out a while ago with a group of friends who mostly had kids. One was discussing their brothers new girlfriend and were being so judgemental about her parenting. I sat there and said nothing.