AIBU to say that not everything can be inclusive all the time?

[Summeriscumin]

A former student has asked for advice and I'm a bit stumped.

She has been running a drama club for 11 - 16 year olds in the village hall. The aim is an introduction to various theatre and circus skills.

These include vocal skills, breathing exercises, trust exercises, mime, juggling, acro, improvisation, script reading aloud, devising scenes and basic contemporary dance skills. It's been going very well and the subs are paying for the hall hire, so she isn't out of pocket.

But she's afraid she's going to have to give it up. A mum came along her son, a wheelchair user, asking to join and he was welcomed. My friend (C) explained what the sessions entailed and said there may be some that her son may not be able to participate in. Specifically she meant the energetic dance stuff and some circus skills and there was an issue with some trust exercises. - DCs have their eyes closed and move around and the wheelchair could prove dangerous.

The lad came for a couple of weeks and seemed to really enjoy it and C tried to make it as inclusive as possible without depriving the others of their skills training. They work in small groups so she always made sure there was a group he could work with.

However, this week the mother has said that her son must be included in everything or it's discrimination and that she should stop the exercises that he cannot participate in.

C says she may as well just give it up as that's just not fair on the others.

AIBU in thinking this mother is BU? I feel so sorry for C who has done her best to include the lad.

Having taught multiple groups of students on 'Equality and Diversity' units some discrimination is legal and that is OK. In fact it is a bloody good idea, I don't want to be on a plane with a blind pilot, or a deaf pilot who cannot talk to air traffic control. Oh and you can't work in ATC if you have IBS.

She needs to make reasonable adjustments as a PP said, and that is it.

The parent is batshit, I know it is extra hard to be a parent of a child with special needs but think about it this way, if the child was blind would everyone else have to wear a blindfold?

It would be ridiculous.

If a child turned up with their arm in a pot they would not be able to juggle. That doesn't mean they couldn't watch others and listen to how to juggle.

YANBU. At all.

Thanks to everyone for their contributions. I think some seem to have missed the fact that I am a wheelchair user myself these days.

i’ll send C a link to this thread.

To address one misunderstanding most of the sessions involve kids working in groups. So the lad is not sitting on the sidelines for ages. A few specific whole group warm ups do exclude him but there are other trust exercises he can actively be part of without risk of injury.

He Can participate in most movement exercises but not all. The point of one they do is to devise a dance the small group do in unison. Sometimes they could do it sitting and just using arms but mostly the challenge is to involve the whole body and work in unison. Good training for involvement in musical theatre.

Thanks again.

Oh ffs the poor lady is doing all the adaptations she can whereit's possible. People like you and the mother don't make inclusivity easier by just being entitled. Plenty of activities my son can't do. As long as he's happy and can join where it's possible I'm not going to start a fight with Nice people who do everything they can without being paid for it.

I didn’t say anything about starting a fight. If it was my child I would be offering to work with the instructor to find ways to make it more inclusive. And if I was the OP I’d advise her to be honest with the mother that you don’t know how else to help, and ask her to work with you.
However the fact she’s doing it for free doesn’t have anything to do with it. I won’t stop advocating for myself or my child.

She needs to politely tell them to leave. They sound like those difficult one who like to throw their‘rights’ about. Your friend does this to give back to the community and now everyone needs to suffer because of one person.

@TheOriginalEmu the key word in the EA 2010 is reasonable. It could, for exsmple, be unreasonable to expect a sole volunteer run free class to make the same adjustments as say drama school or large commercial event, especially if there were large costs invovled.

Totally agree. This mother is just being ridiculous and there is a good chance the classes will end up being cancelled totally. I guess she will be happy then

So double cleansing is, in essence, the same as cleansing and toning, which has been around for decades?

I like this. And I am glad that you advocate so fiercely for your DC. I am with you on this.

what a cruel world we live in if we can’t be creative enough to get a child in a wheelchair involved in a dance class.

I think the mum is being unreasonable, however understandably.

Imagine if C did actually do as the mum says, and responded to other confused parents' queries with "Sorry, we can't do that exercise as we have a wheelchair user in the class". In many people's minds that turns into "Let's blame Dave" (or whatever the young wheelchair user's name is). That's not inclusive - ultimately it would be the opposite :(

what a cruel world we live in if we can’t be creative enough to get a child in a wheelchair involved in a dance class.

Except that's not what happens. He is involved in most movement/dance exercises but is not physically able to do a few. Hardly a "cruel world". But don't let the truth get in the way of you virtue signalling.

If he’s doing it then what’s the issue?
Well actually the mum is the issue here if he’s doing it and enjoying it. Does the mum watch the class?

Maybe she could get in touch with somewhere like Chickenshed or any of the numerous inclusive theatre clubs around the country and ask for advice? These companies have done all the legal and practical legwork and are probably a better source of information that mumsnet.

She is being unreasonable. Your friend is fine. She’s doing great.

Yes and no. She could, but actually that can be quite demeaning for the child. Like being the only child with your mum there, definately might give the other children the impression he is a baby who can't be independent.

Well the way to include him in that exercise would be for him to join in but do the arm portion of the dance, and for you, he, and the other kids to help him figure out what moves he could do in his wheelchair for the elements of the dance that involve his lower body...so, for example, if the dance involves a few steps to the right - he can wheel to the right...if the dance involves some kicks, he can do whatever quick moves in his chair he is comfortable doing...or do some extra upper body movements instead. This isn't about an EXACT replication of what the able bodied kids are doing, Plus, if the kids have to contemplate how to alter their dance moves to be accessible for someone in a wheelchair that is really good training for roles that might require them to be similarly restricted as part of a role, or to have to use other objects to "dance" or express themselves. If they need a visual understanding then no doubt there are LOADS of examples online of professional dancers who happen to need to use a wheelchair

If C is making an effort to alter or tweak things so that someone with mobility issues of any kind can participate then fair enough. The words "reasonable adjustment" are key. If she can honestly answer that then she can explain that to the parent..

There are so many instances that this doesn't happen though and generally it's because people just don't make the effort.

Thing is though there has to be some proportionality to the size of the organisation running the class. In this case it’s an individual trying to do something nice for the kids. I just don’t think it’s a reasonable adjustment to change the nature of a singular individual volunteering in this way. Now if this was a national chain I’d absolutely expect them to accommodate reasonable adjustments but I think the bar has to be different depending on the infrastructure sitting behind it.

"The point of one they do is to devise a dance the small group do in unison. Sometimes they could do it sitting and just using arms but mostly the challenge is to involve the whole body and work in unison."

This bit specifically is unreasonable not to adapt - he should be included as far as possible, which, as someone else has suggested, should involve moving in a similar way to others in his group. It is unreasonable to say 'Bob you can't do the moves exactly like everyone else, so you can't do this bit at all'.
If you had a child with another physical disability, for example an amputated hand, would you also expect them to sit out of the whole dance because they couldn't point a finger in the same way other children in the group could?
She can check out Kaylee Bays online for way wheelchair dancers can move in sync with others, and ways to adapt a dance for a wheelchair.

You are missing the point. He can do that in some of the other movement exercises and does. But this specific one is about whole body involvement and keeping together as a chorus line. All doing exactly the same.

An important skill if kids want to try musical theatre and no reason for them to miss out. Why on earth do you want them to?

Some of you seem to expect C to devote even more of her limited free time to accommodate just one child, when she feels she is doing all she can. In life not everyone can do everything.

@Summeriscumin is the boy a full time wheel chair user? Very few people are completely unable to not move independently in some ways.

David Toole didn't have a lower body at all and danced.

Candoco are probably the go to for incorporating a wheelchair user in to dance

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m0dkwR8lZ0I?feature=share

https://candoco.co.uk/

But I repeat, the mother is batshit.

Having said that, I think I would throw it open the the group the boy is working in, not looking at it being a solving a problem but as an opportunity to integrate this boy in to the chorus line.

I wouldn’t - it’s quite possible she’ll never be able to offer classes specific to the needs of disabled children. This answer also won’t shut the mother down.

What your student is offering - to make adaptions so he always does a version of what the other kids are doing is very reasonable.

She does need to protect herself here, so I’d suggest she talks to citizens advice. They should have someone familiar with equality legislation and can help her craft a reply to
the mother.

@stichguru I meant more that his Mum can help come up with suitable adaptations if what C. is currently doing isn’t adequate. She can discuss possibilities with her.

It sounds as if she’s expecting C. to do everything. 🤷

I agree. This is one, presumably young (‘ex student’ ) person doing something nice for her community.