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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unacceptable to say you don't like children?

584 replies

BirdPlanet · 17/05/2025 09:23

Increasingly I've heard people saying some variation of the statement 'I don't like children'. I don't see why this is in any way acceptable. You wouldn't say that you 'don't like' any other category of person. If I said I didn't like the elderly or middle-aged women as a group, I'd get slapped down, yet somehow people think it's okay to talk about children as if they aren't human beings. Is it because they can't speak or advocate for themselves? Children aren't some kind of homogeneous entity. They have personalities and different temperaments, just as adults do.

Inevitably people will say that it's used as a shorthand for disliking the behaviour of some children, but even so, that’s more of a reflection of poor parenting than anything else.

OP posts:
Persianpaws · 18/05/2025 05:29

This has been an interesting thread to read.

People who don’t like children have (mostly) given valid, well thought out and considered arguments. The people who are offended by this choice of opinion seem to parrot the same old cliches.

You were a child once,
Would you say that about old people?
People who say they don’t like kids are protesting too much and must be bitter because they didn’t/couldn’t have any,
People who say this must be lacking in intelligence
and my favourite - all kids are different you haven’t met them all so how can you say you dislike them all?

I don’t really like kids - or should I say I don’t like being around them. I haven’t met them all but they all have various things in in common that have been mentioned a few times on this thread.

Kids haven’t been fully socialised, they ALL need constant supervision and attention under a certain age.
Children are noisy, over emotional and needy, you can’t sit in a room and have a intelligent conversation with them or read a book and expect them to do their own thing, you have to put them first and they often need help with personal care.
If you aren’t in charge of the child you still have to accept they will interrupt, likely cry about something or have an opinion about something they know absolutely nothing about.

I prefer adult only spaces and to spend time with friends without their children, I have nieces and nephews who I have no choice to spend time with but they haven’t been brought up well and are spoilt so I only spend time with them when necessary. When they were babies and toddlers before their personality started to emerge I was bored to tears with them, I hated playing the same games and answering the same questions over and over, I got frustrated by the repetitiveness engaging with them.
Children have awful hygiene as they know no better when they are young. They often have snotty noses, are sticky, scratch their bums and touch things, they are very often incontinent.

I haven’t met ALL children but I imagine the reasons I prefer not to be around them applies to most - if not all of them.
I don’t wish harm on them, I would help a child if needed and if I have to spend time with them I’d be kind. I don’t tell people I don’t like children for no reason but I do if people keep asking why I don’t have any. I find it amusing that if I do mention that I’m not keen on them that it appears to offend some people and yet I’ve heard many people say they only like their own and not other peoples and that seems to be acceptable.

Everyone has been a child - old people, ginger people, Jewish people, black and disabled people, it’s not the same to say disliking children is the same as other groups as it’s not singling out anyone - including myself.
Yes I was a child once but I don’t think that is a valid argument as I don’t take offence that people might have disliked me just because I wasn’t an adult, I’d expect that I’ve matured since then and people feel differently, I’m not always convinced but I do hope so 😂.

As for the people who assume all childfree people use this to hide our jealousy and cover up our longing and desperation for not having reproduced, do you not think childfree people actively prevent having kids? I have friends who have been sterilised to prevent pregnancy, have had abortions or are obsessive about contraception. It’s not every woman's desperate desire to have babies, some of us really mean it when we say we don’t like kids and don’t want them.

I wonder why the some of the people on this thread are so offended by people by people not liking kids? how does it affect them? You like yours and that’s all that matters. There isn’t a single person who said they would be nasty to a child, they just don’t want to be around them.
I have heard some of my friends with children bemoan the lack of a “village” in raising their kids and expecting more help from people, I have been expected to be part of this “village” in the past. What they don’t seem to understand is you get out of the village what you put in, you can’t just expect strangers to want to help raise your child for nothing in return - especially when you get angry when they stop asking little Jonny to stop kicking your plane seat or to sit round and stop running round in a busy restaurant so they don’t get scalded.

I read most of the comments on this thread (bad case of insomnia) I was mainly waiting for a good reason as to why it’s so wrong to dislike children without it just offending people personally because it’s not the same as what they think. I haven’t seen a single good reason that someone else hasn’t had a better argument for.
This of course is only my opinion, I’m entitled to that opinion though and i’m not going to call anyone bitter, stupid, bigoted, a narcissist, ageist or a psychopath in return.

BonBon20 · 18/05/2025 06:38

Persianpaws · 18/05/2025 05:29

This has been an interesting thread to read.

People who don’t like children have (mostly) given valid, well thought out and considered arguments. The people who are offended by this choice of opinion seem to parrot the same old cliches.

You were a child once,
Would you say that about old people?
People who say they don’t like kids are protesting too much and must be bitter because they didn’t/couldn’t have any,
People who say this must be lacking in intelligence
and my favourite - all kids are different you haven’t met them all so how can you say you dislike them all?

I don’t really like kids - or should I say I don’t like being around them. I haven’t met them all but they all have various things in in common that have been mentioned a few times on this thread.

Kids haven’t been fully socialised, they ALL need constant supervision and attention under a certain age.
Children are noisy, over emotional and needy, you can’t sit in a room and have a intelligent conversation with them or read a book and expect them to do their own thing, you have to put them first and they often need help with personal care.
If you aren’t in charge of the child you still have to accept they will interrupt, likely cry about something or have an opinion about something they know absolutely nothing about.

I prefer adult only spaces and to spend time with friends without their children, I have nieces and nephews who I have no choice to spend time with but they haven’t been brought up well and are spoilt so I only spend time with them when necessary. When they were babies and toddlers before their personality started to emerge I was bored to tears with them, I hated playing the same games and answering the same questions over and over, I got frustrated by the repetitiveness engaging with them.
Children have awful hygiene as they know no better when they are young. They often have snotty noses, are sticky, scratch their bums and touch things, they are very often incontinent.

I haven’t met ALL children but I imagine the reasons I prefer not to be around them applies to most - if not all of them.
I don’t wish harm on them, I would help a child if needed and if I have to spend time with them I’d be kind. I don’t tell people I don’t like children for no reason but I do if people keep asking why I don’t have any. I find it amusing that if I do mention that I’m not keen on them that it appears to offend some people and yet I’ve heard many people say they only like their own and not other peoples and that seems to be acceptable.

Everyone has been a child - old people, ginger people, Jewish people, black and disabled people, it’s not the same to say disliking children is the same as other groups as it’s not singling out anyone - including myself.
Yes I was a child once but I don’t think that is a valid argument as I don’t take offence that people might have disliked me just because I wasn’t an adult, I’d expect that I’ve matured since then and people feel differently, I’m not always convinced but I do hope so 😂.

As for the people who assume all childfree people use this to hide our jealousy and cover up our longing and desperation for not having reproduced, do you not think childfree people actively prevent having kids? I have friends who have been sterilised to prevent pregnancy, have had abortions or are obsessive about contraception. It’s not every woman's desperate desire to have babies, some of us really mean it when we say we don’t like kids and don’t want them.

I wonder why the some of the people on this thread are so offended by people by people not liking kids? how does it affect them? You like yours and that’s all that matters. There isn’t a single person who said they would be nasty to a child, they just don’t want to be around them.
I have heard some of my friends with children bemoan the lack of a “village” in raising their kids and expecting more help from people, I have been expected to be part of this “village” in the past. What they don’t seem to understand is you get out of the village what you put in, you can’t just expect strangers to want to help raise your child for nothing in return - especially when you get angry when they stop asking little Jonny to stop kicking your plane seat or to sit round and stop running round in a busy restaurant so they don’t get scalded.

I read most of the comments on this thread (bad case of insomnia) I was mainly waiting for a good reason as to why it’s so wrong to dislike children without it just offending people personally because it’s not the same as what they think. I haven’t seen a single good reason that someone else hasn’t had a better argument for.
This of course is only my opinion, I’m entitled to that opinion though and i’m not going to call anyone bitter, stupid, bigoted, a narcissist, ageist or a psychopath in return.

Agreed! A genuinely useful addition to the thread. Sorry about your insomnia x

Dingalingalong · 18/05/2025 06:39

TheHerboriste · 18/05/2025 03:51

I’m talking socially, not legally.

Normal people understand the difference.

'Normal people'. 🙄

In 2 posts you have shown so awful personality traits, if im honest with you. Completely disregarding children's rights (they are legal AND social) and making assumptions that I'm not normal for pointing out your blatant ignorance.

Agix · 18/05/2025 06:46

I've come to realise that it's not children I don't like, it's bad parenting.

Well behaved, polite children are fine. Just as fine to me as any other stranger.

Dirty, slimy, germy, misbehaved loud demanding children who don't respect you or your personal boundaries are horrible, and I'd dislike anyone at any age who acts like that - not just children - they don't get a free pass for being shits just because of their age. They can be taught or removed from the scene due to misbehaviour (but are often not).

So it's often not the kids fault at all, it's the parents. Parents slack off parenting because "Oh they're just kids, and kids will be kids!" missing the point that as a parent, you teach the kids, and when the kids can't be taught, you take responsibility for them... Not fob off responsibility completely.

And I think that's why people get defensive, because they know it's their fault that their kids are unlikeable. They want you to change or mind or shut up without them having to actually put any effort into being better parents.

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 06:49

user1476613140 · 17/05/2025 21:40

DH's sister doesn't like children. She doesn't have any herself. And is single.

And? What is your point?

chatgptsbestmate · 18/05/2025 06:53

Agix · 18/05/2025 06:46

I've come to realise that it's not children I don't like, it's bad parenting.

Well behaved, polite children are fine. Just as fine to me as any other stranger.

Dirty, slimy, germy, misbehaved loud demanding children who don't respect you or your personal boundaries are horrible, and I'd dislike anyone at any age who acts like that - not just children - they don't get a free pass for being shits just because of their age. They can be taught or removed from the scene due to misbehaviour (but are often not).

So it's often not the kids fault at all, it's the parents. Parents slack off parenting because "Oh they're just kids, and kids will be kids!" missing the point that as a parent, you teach the kids, and when the kids can't be taught, you take responsibility for them... Not fob off responsibility completely.

And I think that's why people get defensive, because they know it's their fault that their kids are unlikeable. They want you to change or mind or shut up without them having to actually put any effort into being better parents.

I agree with this completely

I know it can be difficult to get our children to behave well in public (tiredness, boredom etc can affect how they behave) but I do dislike screaming yelling badly behaved children.....therefore it probably IS their parents that I actually dislike

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:03

There is a particular kind of loud,piercing screaming that some children do when playing that I cannot tolerate. It makes my head hurt. So I will get away from it if I possibly can.

user1476613140 · 18/05/2025 07:04

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 06:49

And? What is your point?

She has no desire to have any herself. Has showed no interest in my children over the years, but has given them all birthday and Christmas gifts. But not interested in hearing about them.

user1476613140 · 18/05/2025 07:05

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:03

There is a particular kind of loud,piercing screaming that some children do when playing that I cannot tolerate. It makes my head hurt. So I will get away from it if I possibly can.

That's a normal day in my household with 4 of them🤣

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 07:10

Dingalingalong · 18/05/2025 02:54

Hating things or hating people are not the same, which is the OP's point. It is actually illegal to encourage the hatred of others, hate speech and discrimination against people. It isn't illegal to hate things.

I thought ops point as posted in her original thread was “ to say it’s unacceptable to say you hate children” don’t think it’s illegal to say you hate children. It’s not covered in the hate speech act. You can hate what you want. That’s your opinion babes.

ArtTheClown · 18/05/2025 07:18

Personally, I think it comes from a place of older women pretending they never wanted children but deep down they would have liked it, it just never happened for them for one reason or another and they become inbittered.

This is the silliest thing I've ever read 😂

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 07:22

Op’s original thread was about “to think it’s unacceptable to say you hate children” nothing was mentioned about Childfree people which I suspect op was referring too. Then all the comments about how Childfree people hate children. Plenty of parents hate children. Look at the research which shows its parents who are abusing and killing their own children, not Childfree people. Such a troll post.

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:24

user1476613140 · 18/05/2025 07:04

She has no desire to have any herself. Has showed no interest in my children over the years, but has given them all birthday and Christmas gifts. But not interested in hearing about them.

Well you can’t force her to. She doesn’t owe you anything because you chose to have children.

Grunochre · 18/05/2025 07:25

LimitedBrightSpots · 17/05/2025 21:27

I feel the same about old people.

I enjoy being around old people but that’s probably because I’m becoming one!

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:28

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 07:22

Op’s original thread was about “to think it’s unacceptable to say you hate children” nothing was mentioned about Childfree people which I suspect op was referring too. Then all the comments about how Childfree people hate children. Plenty of parents hate children. Look at the research which shows its parents who are abusing and killing their own children, not Childfree people. Such a troll post.

I asked OP if she thought it was unacceptable for parents to say they don’t like other people’s children, only their own,and I don’t think she ever replied. So yes I do suspect she was referring to childfree people.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 07:35

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:28

I asked OP if she thought it was unacceptable for parents to say they don’t like other people’s children, only their own,and I don’t think she ever replied. So yes I do suspect she was referring to childfree people.

This. So much hate towards the Childfree but can’t understand that some parents don’t like other children

HerNeighbourTotoro · 18/05/2025 07:37

It's a shorthand and it's very daft to take issued with it, I hate people policing what other people say or think.

chatgptsbestmate · 18/05/2025 07:52

BirdPlanet · 17/05/2025 23:46

People are also not engaging with how socially acceptable it is to say you dislike children. There may be those who dislike women or the elderly or gay people etc etc, but this is not socially acceptable to say. When it comes to children though, it seems perfectly fine to say you dislike them, as if they're not even humans (they've been compared to animals and inanimate objects quite a few times on this thread) - look how many people have said it on this thread!

I'm very happy to say I dislike many men.

I have children and I dislike some children but as discussed upthread it's their BEHAVIOUR that I dislike and therefore its the parents that I actually dislike

When my children were younger I did find some of the repetitive day to day things boring. But that wasn't the CHILDREN who were boring.

I find many older people frustrating because many of those that I meet are Reform voters. I find that i dislike most people who vote Reform (of whatever age)

GeorgianaM · 18/05/2025 09:10

The thread is a bit ironic when there are lots of posts about hating men, a generalisation that is widely accepted on here!

Shwish · 18/05/2025 09:24

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 00:38

But why do you care? It doesn’t affect your life whatsoever. Would you feel the same way if someone said they don’t like birds? Or red cars? Other people’s opinions do not invalidated your choices if you have children?

No obviously I wouldn't be bothered if someone said they don't like red cars. But children are humans not cars so its a lot more like someone saying they don't like gay or black people. Both of which I WOULD be bothered about.

PointsSouth · 18/05/2025 09:41

It’s okay. I don’t like people who don’t like children. Also don’t like people who prefer dogs to people. Also don’t like people who play golf. Also don’t like people who are 46.

I mean, you know, can’t like everyone.

Shwish · 18/05/2025 10:01

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 18/05/2025 01:00

Depends on what people find offensive. People say they hate teenagers, which I suppose legally they are children. But people hate lots of things. You can’t police other people’s opinions.

I mean you can. Why not try posting loads of offensive comments online about a protected group without anonymity. Reckon that'd get policed.
And the things that people say they don't like about kids often apply to disabled people too. There are plenty of disabled adults with a mental age of a child. Is it ok to say you don't like disabled people? (Clue. No!) I mean you can hold whatever opinions you like. But voicing that you don't like disabled people or gay people or Jewish people or whatever is absolutely unacceptable. This is the same thing.

MyUmberSeal · 18/05/2025 10:01

I don’t like the man on the pepto-bismal advert. Annoys the fuck out of me, and I would actually like to tell him in real life.

Sassoon · 18/05/2025 10:08

Why is it okay to say you really like children then? An equally ridiculous generalisation surely?

BirdPlanet · 18/05/2025 10:51

KimberleyClark · 18/05/2025 07:28

I asked OP if she thought it was unacceptable for parents to say they don’t like other people’s children, only their own,and I don’t think she ever replied. So yes I do suspect she was referring to childfree people.

There are almost 500 comments on this thread so it's almost impossible to read every single one. I made no distinction between people with children and those without - it's the attitude I was discussing. In fact, I find it sadder that people with children hold this attitude, as I'd have hoped that having children would've made them more understanding of children at large instead of just their own precious little darlings. And no, I don't think everyone secretly wants to have children or anything ridiculous like that, nor do I think everyone should by default like children, only that they shouldn't dislike them, just as they shouldn't dislike any other group of people.

OP posts:
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