To think life is a lot easier & more relaxed if there’s one Sahp?

[Boredofwatchingthisonthebox]

Worked all my life, part time as a teen, through college, then Uni, then full time and some weekends.
Had Dc a little later in life and stayed at home for the first five years (worked three hours per week when Dh got home)
It wasn’t always easy, I was tired a lot, but grateful to be home. Life seemed to run a lot more smoothly. I was able to get any chores done during the day/week, there was no washing or cleaning the house or food shopping needing to be done at the weekends.
Now it’s back to full time, it’s all a juggle, we all barely see each other for long in the evenings, weekends are full of chores for one of the days, it’s all rushed etc

Aibu to think that having one Sahp (be it the mum or dad (if the dad were to do everything as efficiently 😆) is a better model?

My mum always worked . Not out at an office 9-5 but I had a childminder, occasional wrap around school care then various combinations and going to friends houses after school. I don't remember ever having an issue with it and as an adult I value and admire my mum keeping her independence and the better quality of life we had.

Kids don't get to choose this kind of stuff. They have no input in to family finances, they can't comprehend the impact on SAHPs pension, career prospects, mental health etc.

But you have not answered my question.
What if the working parent dies- it does happen. How easy is it for the stay at home parent with zero experience or ancient experience and a 6 year gap in a CV and two-three kids to make ends meet, unless they just happen to be very wealthy?
How many posts do we have daily on Mumsnet about women trapped in loveless relationshiprs and/or with cheating dickeahds and who cant move out because they have nothing to their name while their partners are the only breadwinners?

Im not saying every man is out there to get you, but statistically around 40% of marriages in the UK end in divorce, I kind of think you'd have to be an idiot to not be working at least part-time, unless you happen to be incredibly wealthy or have wealthy supportive family to pick up the pieces for you.

There are many what ifs in life. I am talking about my experience and the people I know

Absolutely this!

Majority of time it’s the woman who gives up working to be SAHP. Loses career development, pension etc. WOHP does even less around the house as it’s SAHP’s “job”. SAHP ends up with no “me” time and needs a break from housework and DC. Life is monotonous and Groundhog Day for SAHP. WOHP
is going on work nights out, lunches, team building days etc, and has no home responsibilities as SAHP is there to do that shit stuff. SAHP becomes resentful and WOHP says “well you wanted this”. Both become bitter and resentful. WOHP seeks solace in the company of younger single parent at work. Marriage ends and SAHP starts a thread on MN telling a story as old as time…….

So no, I don’t think it’s better 😄

I think one full time, one part time is a good balance. You have the mental security of 2 incomes, but one has some time to do the life admin.

I've actually found this more true with a primary age child because nursery ran from 8 until 6, but finding part time within school hours as opposed to doing, say, 4 longer days was harder. Breakfast club at school has been full for 2 years.

I think this is dependent on the child, my mam was a SAHM for half our childhood then went to work for the rest. My DB and DSis preferred her working but I suffered with mental health and undiagnosed autism and really struggled losing that. It still bothers me to this day. I had extra needs and felt abandoned, which sounds ridiculous I know. But having that security of someone there was very important to me.

And I am talking about mine and many experiences I have seen where something in the marriage has not worked out- I suppose planning just in case is always a good thing, so you dont get caught with your pants down (but with a satisfaction you didnt work for 10 years).

I think it's bloody brilliant for the full time working person indeed. Second income, but you can still insist the part time worker does the majority of housework and childcare, and the full time worker's career is always prioritised.

Or you can just not have children with a dickhead who insists their 9-5 is their only responsibility?

Indeed. It’s not that complicated.

They seem to be in short supply according to MN posts on that topic, as this dynamic is very common. I personally find that 2 full time careers and outsorcing the boring bits instead is a better balance for our family.