School's punishment of all boys in year 6

[htdt]

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

OP hasn’t said what type of a school it is

You’re not be very specific. Did the girls actually get a treat or where they just getting on with normal activities while the boys were spoken too?

You keep saying there was a group punishment but I don’t really see a discussion about how to treat girls and women with respect and kindness as a punishment, just basic education.

You say it’s not fair for the boys to be singled out but imagine how you would feel if someone had been bullying or excluding you and you were made to sit next to them while a discussion with them about it happened?

Wouldn't it have been better to explain to your son and talk through with him about what has been going on in the year group rather than trying to make out that he is somehow the main victim in all this?

I agree that one of the big issues for OP's DS is that he missed out on a treat, but I think the collective responsibility issue - the fact it wasn't fair because he didn't behave poorly - is more fundamental and would have made the session inappropriate regardless of what the girls were doing.

In any case, I was was responding to the poster's question about parents being happy about their girls being held responsible as a sex class, not the bit about punishment.

We want our boys to be caring, emotionally intelligent, supportive of feminism and the issues that girls face daily.

So it isn't a good idea for the school to alienate the good examples like your son.

Reinforce the good example of masculinity that he is, reward him and watch him grow.

One day he will be the man that boys look up to and the world for women and girls will be better.

I agree.

Was it definitely a punishment or was it seen as such as they had to have a lesson while girls did not?

This was regarded as shitty practice when I trained as a teacher fifteen years ago. I’m appalled (but not entirely surprised) that some schools are still doing it. Collective punishment is a shoddy, lazy way of managing behaviour, and the only thing the children are learning is that adults are unfair and not to be trusted.

I hate collective punishment.. god knows it was a big thing back when I was in school

It's not a thing here now, I didn't start the revolution but it's a good thing

It’s surprising how young they still are at that age. And sometimes they experience emotions this simply. I don’t know if you have pre pubescent children but they act like mini teens whilst still holding onto element of child-likeness - and if yours is close to you then they will feel comfortable enough to express emotions or feelings such as the ones the OPs son has expressed.

I think it is wrong what the teacher has done and I also think that right now boys are getting such bad press that they must be thinking “I can’t do anything right as a boy” - I have a son and daughter and I fear for them both for different reasons, but I’m tired of this “all boys are bad” narrative - we really don’t need to drill this into young boys - they are not all bad just because a handful of them are.

If the teacher knew which boys were being sexist, or mean to the girls then she should have narrowed them down and punished them. Full class punishment is lazy in my opinion and I would complain.

At least we can use some of the posts on here on threads asking why boys/male teens and young men are looking up to people like tate.
Especially when some posters seem to think that its OK to punish people that haven't done anything wrong other than be male.

Meanwhile, back in the real world ....

That is incorrect. Girls and boys do not have the same responsibility to call out sexism. You’re victim blaming. That literally was your point. Your argument ignores that sexism is against women. The sex that has been and continues to be disadvantaged. The discussion with this boy is:

are the girls being excluded or disadvantaged because their girls?
and if yes what YOU done about that?

if the answer is I didn’t do it then this is a lesson. Now he knows how it feels to miss out for something because of group exclusion. They all do. And perhaps next time he will call it out.

It’s a consequence. And you can.

I don't think you do need to be diplomatic! My daughter's school did collective punishment and we (a lot of parents) brought it up as an issue and the teacher was rightfully corrected from that form of punishment

What do you think should be done then? Should all 100 boys in the year patrol the playground for sexism??
Why should a boy, who possibly would have called out blatant sexism, be in trouble for an event that likely happened the other side of the playground??

Yep. Absolutely correct. Collective punishment is not allowed. I'd be going to the UN and the Hague with this.

Pardon? How do you debate war on the teachers?

Who said there are 100 boys in the year group?

More likely he will think 'whats the point, I'm just going to get fucked over again.'

This doesn't teach anybody anything other than somebody is going to screw you over whatever you do.

The op.

Maybe an autocorrect of declare.

I’m still fine with it. In fact this further suggests a serious issue with the way the girls are being treated. A very harsh lesson in sexism is fine.

Girls don’t need that lesson.

Which is pretty much the existence of being a girl.

I'm also intrigued to note that posters are happy for boys to not only put themselves at risk but also get themselves in to trouble for this.

because I can pretty much guarantee that the school will give out punishments for policing other pupils actions and causing fights on the school playground.

Lazy teachers love a bit of collective punishment rather than having to do work to sort the issue out.

Take him out of school for the day soon and do something nice with him as his treat.

Wondered.