School's punishment of all boys in year 6

[htdt]

My son is in Year 6 and has done SATS this week, today was meant to be a fun day for them as they've finished all the papers.

But my son came back from school really upset as the teachers had separated the girls and boys and he says the girls got to do fun activities and given treats but the boys got told off and given a lesson on respect.

He's taken this badly and has said things like 'I must be bad because I'm a boy'.

It's such a shame because he's worked really hard and was otherwise enjoying SATS week, but now feels horrible about himself, the teachers who told them off and the girls getting rewarded when all the boys were punished.

I feel like I need to speak to the school next week and find out what's gone on and why. I also feel like making a complaint. But I'm not sure what they are going to do to make things better even if they did agree with me that it was not a great way to deal with some boy's bad behaviour and also very bad timing so should I just forget about it...?

I agree that if it was a very serious ongoing issue, the school should have done a mail-out to parents. However, there’s no onus on schools to write to parents every time there’s is a disciplinary issue or punishment or they’d never have time for teaching. Day-to-day discipline is for the school to enforce as it sees fit.

We don’t know that the TA was ‘sent out’ to face the OP. It sounds like she took it upon herself. I have worked with many TAs over 20 years, many are wonderful, some are mediocre and some are a nightmare, and love to insert themselves in a drama. (This is my extensive experience before anyone piles on.) Whichever type of TA this lady was, she has no authority to discuss disciplinary matters with a parent and could cause more problems by doing this.

The OP needs to discuss this with someone of authority at the school, rather than take the word of a 10 year old or a TA as the gospel truth.

Not at the end of SATs week in place of a treat. They have put it off purposefully so as not to affect the school's results which is unfair to the girls being bullied and the good boys.

It is in secondary. It is not in primary the required extent. And the fact that some parents think the majority of kids get phones in secondary says a lot.

If it was really a punishment then yes it should have been the boys who did something wrong. If it was a lesson about respect then I think it would be better to actually talk it through rather than react to "I must be bad because I'm a boy" by complaining to school.

So I’ve reread the ops first posts. Apparantly it was about SOME boys behaviour to girls and SOME boys ( so those boys have had a double whammy) and football( many,many boys don’t like or play football).

There was nobody else available at the end of the day.

For something as serious as this the teacher or other senior staff should have been available and the boys not involved and most definitely those on the end of behaviour the same as girls should not have been included. There should have been correspondence previously if this was an ongoing problem, it should have been sorted prior to SATS and there most definitely should have been correspondence for such a serious punishment as no involvement in post SATS fun activities.

Let’s rephrase that. Do I think white girls should be included in lessons about exclusion if along side white boys they’re actively excluding children based on race? Yes. If they’re actively excluding disabled children? Yes?

It will be a culmination of unkind behaviour by multiple boys over a long period.

Multiple boys is not the same as all boys.

You do not know that your son wasn’t involved, either as a culprit or by encouraging or being complicit with others.

Except that the TA who meted out the punishment admitted that OP's son wasn't one of the culprits...

If OP knows that her son has no interest at all in football, why on earth would he care about telling girls that they could or couldn't play?

How do you automatically know that none of the girls were guilty or complicit in the actions of others? What if some of them were on the sidelines, sneering at and bullying the girls who did want to play football for 'doing boy things'?

What if half of the boys were playing football and refusing to allow the half of the girls who wanted to play from joining in? Would you have randomly punished the half of the girls at the other side of the playground, with no interest in either playing football or from stopping anybody else from playing? If not, then why do the equally uninvolved half of the boys deserve punishment or are 'probably' guilty?

Are you? Because you’ve assumed that what happened is as described without any context or understanding from the perspective of the school.

Or maybe it relates to behaviour that’s happened during the sats?

My child was subjected to a group telling off in year 6 which was way over the top. It really affected her. She mentioned to me this week that it was the 1 year anniversary of such event :(
I didn't complain as she was technically implicated in a very minor way (complicated). However, I did email to say it had affected her and asked if the punishment had ended. She didn't want to go back to school.

No, I most certainly am not.

Is the TA not part of the school staff, then, and thus unable to have any understanding from the perspective of the school for which she works?

Even if your answer to that is somehow "No", you still seem to be going from the assumption that guilty until proven innocent is a good thing.

This has turned into a silly point scoring thread mainly based on semantics now.

I think there is a genuine problem at the moment that everything that happens in children's lives is being overblown and dramatised by adults.
Consequently we are creating a generation of confused, insecure, anxious children who lack resilience.
This thread is an example of that.

I honestly think we need to calm down with our "outrage" at things like this and help our children view things with perspective and roll with the punches.
Life is getting harder out there and this current young generation are going to face tough situations going forward.

I think we are constantly getting side tracked from what should be our purpose which is encouraging children to be strong, resilient and ready to face the future.

If this boy didn't like what happened, maybe he and his fellow pupils need to speak to the teacher or Head & express their feelings themselves. And they should ask for an explanation for the school's actions themselves. They are 10/11, not 6.

That's the lesson here, surely?

Well unless they’ve got proof that every boy out of 100 was involved when many don’t play football and some of those that do were on the receiving end of the same behaviour but apparantly don’t count I’d love to hear what “ context” they can come up with. They had their chance at the end of the school day to give their context but chose to send a TA out.

You contact parents for serious behaviour when it happens. SATS have been running all week.

Totally agree and that was my first thought. No 10/11 yea told would say this and not have more context.

There is more to this story OP and we aren’t hearing it.

A one off girls can’t play isn’t what caused this.

If it does, it's an extremely poor school ethos if they give out punishments without making it clear to those being punished what it is for.

How can you possibly hope to discourage bad behaviour in children if you don't make the link with their punishment clear? That's Disciplining Children 101.

Even the worst serial killers who are sentenced to life in prison are told in no uncertain terms by the judge exactly why they are receiving that punishment!

So parents should have been contacted before. It wasn’t just girls that the behaviour was aimed at.

No. I assumed nothing. I kno the following:

That unless the staff member spoken to delivered and decided the consequence she should not have commented.

That the OP should not have spoken to the TA about it at all. The TA should not have made any comment but I also understand why when confronted by a parent they did.

Sexism starts incredibly young and it must be addressed firmly and timely. Sexism can be passive.

Girls cannot be sexist against girls.

It is not the responsibility of girls to challenge sexism. They can choose to but it is not their job as victims.

We have one side.

This is the kind of consequence that will invite complaint on mass so something serious is going on for the teacher to do it. It’s a long shot off lazy teaching

The TAs in my school are well trained in behaviour and it's their job to keep parents informed. They call them daily. However I totally agree that the teacher who meted out the punishment should have been the one to speak to OP. Very lazy.

No it isn’t, it is lazy teaching. It wasn’t all boys doing it, it was some and was re football. Some boys were on the receiving end of the same behaviour too.

So the boys who received the same behaviour from the culprits don’t matter and should just suck up punishment on top?

Some schools use TAs as meet and greet with teachers coming out for serious issues. This was a serious issue. The teacher wasnt there and hadn’t arranged for senior staff to be there instead.

Lazy teaching all round.

That's exactly what's so concerning. You don't deliver punishment without being able to explain why.

That’s wrong and no explanation either. Do contact the school for a full explanation and apology to your son. Involve your son in the process so he can see that you support him and how to deal with unreasonable people who are in charge.

We don’t know they didn’t. We only have the OPs perspective.

I think it is very reasonable to email in asking for a meeting with the HT to explain what happened and was your son in any way involved in the behaviour that warranted the whole male student punishment.

I am very unhappy with group punishments.
Invariably a small number of students behave badly and if is convenient to the teacher the whole group get denied.

I have firmly pushed back on this several times when it occurred to my children years ago.

It is not acceptable IMO.

This, to start with! ⬆️

I'm a yr6 Teacher & I hate the whole 'punishment them all' approach when in reality it's usually just a few. So unfair.