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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be starting to resent buying kids gifts?

98 replies

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:14

I undoubtedly am but need to vent.

i don’t have children.

I do have a goddaughter who’s eight and buy for her every birthday and Christmas. I have been friends with her DM for many years but only see her a couple of times a year. At one point I began realising I only saw her when dropping off DGD’s gifts so now I keep them until I have lunch with her DM.

I have another friend who has two children. I also buy for them every Christmas and birthday. I assumed they bought for each other’s kids (the three of us are good friends with each other, meet up together etc). But they’re not, they’ve got an agreement not to.

I also have two nieces, another two goddaughters and a very close cousin has just had a baby.

Cousin has always been very good to my nieces, bought them gifts etc. so it’s established and expected that the cousins will buy for the children in the family.

Which I don’t begrudge, but I’ve also got three goddaughters plus best friend’s two.

So that’s now eight children I’m buying for with more on the way. I love spoiling my nieces and if anything their mother probably wishes I’d stop, but IABU to be starting to resent the cost of buying for the others? As I say, when cousin was childless she and her sister always spoiled my sister’s children so that expectation has been set and a token gift would look cheap.

Just a bit of a whinge really but it’s starting to cost a fortune and with the exception of nieces and BF’s two I hardly ever see the kids or parents!

OP posts:
Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:19

You love spoiling them
you resent spending money on them

so you’re in something of a dilemma u less you start spoiling them in other ways…. Like meeting up, playground? Theatre (although latter money)

Lavenderandbrown · 15/05/2025 17:20

Ahhh the dreaded gift giving. I would
stop gifting all of them in 2026 if not sooner. Let the parents know now that financially it’s grown to be too much and while they remain beloved nieces/ god children the gifting has ended (or is ceasing in 2026) IMO gifting is a tradition that has exceeded its natural life. Gifting is from a time when people rarely bought for themselves and gifts were truly appreciated and unique. Children ( of all ages) need for not one thing now. Gifts quickly join the pile of other possessions. gift yourself this year. They all will get over it.

RuxpinT · 15/05/2025 17:21

I get what you are saying... but perhaps you shouldn't have agreed to be a godparent to so many children?

I know that's probably v unhelpful and frustrating.

Also, maybe stop buying for your friends children? I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained to them that you have six children already to buy for and it's getting a bit much with your cousins child now on the way.

PeapodMcgee · 15/05/2025 17:21

Nobody really expects presents from their adult friends, or godmother past the age of 2, so just stop that.

And scale back the others.

The utter piles of shit children have these days is revolting.

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:22

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:19

You love spoiling them
you resent spending money on them

so you’re in something of a dilemma u less you start spoiling them in other ways…. Like meeting up, playground? Theatre (although latter money)

I love spoiling my nieces. I think that was clear.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 17:23

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:19

You love spoiling them
you resent spending money on them

so you’re in something of a dilemma u less you start spoiling them in other ways…. Like meeting up, playground? Theatre (although latter money)

I read it as loves spoiling her nieces and resents spending on best friends children and god children

Simple answer yanbu just buy for nieces

TinyTempest · 15/05/2025 17:24

You've got 3 Goddaughters?

Are you very religious?

Even if you are, you don't have to keep accepting every time you're asked to be a Godparent.

NancyGreens · 15/05/2025 17:24

As a pp suggested, maybe offer to take them somewhere cheap? Like a museum or have them over to you for lunch. If you barely see your godchildren, it's ok not to get them expensive gifts for their birthdays imo.

My niece and nephew just get £20 in a card now for every birthday and Christmas (they are 9 and 11). They love getting money and are far more grateful for that than they ever were for my well thought out gifts 😂🙄

justkeepswimingswiming · 15/05/2025 17:24

Just buy for your nieces and stop with the rest. Espically if you rarely see the godkids

yeesh · 15/05/2025 17:25

I would just buy for nieces.

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:25

RuxpinT · 15/05/2025 17:21

I get what you are saying... but perhaps you shouldn't have agreed to be a godparent to so many children?

I know that's probably v unhelpful and frustrating.

Also, maybe stop buying for your friends children? I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained to them that you have six children already to buy for and it's getting a bit much with your cousins child now on the way.

Only three godchildren. Two live abroad and I very rarely see any of them. The only kids I know well are two nieces and best friend’s two. So this would be continuing to buy for kids I rarely see whilst stopping for the kids I know (and whose mother gets token gifts for my nieces too).

I know I’m arguing with myself. It would be much easier if I had kids myself.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 17:26

RuxpinT · 15/05/2025 17:21

I get what you are saying... but perhaps you shouldn't have agreed to be a godparent to so many children?

I know that's probably v unhelpful and frustrating.

Also, maybe stop buying for your friends children? I'm sure your friend would understand if you explained to them that you have six children already to buy for and it's getting a bit much with your cousins child now on the way.

The expectation of a god parent is to love, support and guide the child, gifts are not expected (or shouldn’t be!)

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:26

PeapodMcgee · 15/05/2025 17:21

Nobody really expects presents from their adult friends, or godmother past the age of 2, so just stop that.

And scale back the others.

The utter piles of shit children have these days is revolting.

Edited

They definitely do expect it.

OP posts:
NancyGreens · 15/05/2025 17:28

Just buy for the kids you actually know well. You can let their parents know in advance if you think they'll be disappointed (they shouldn't be since you don't really see their kids)!

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:29

NancyGreens · 15/05/2025 17:28

Just buy for the kids you actually know well. You can let their parents know in advance if you think they'll be disappointed (they shouldn't be since you don't really see their kids)!

It would be a notable absence if I stopped. They would assume I meant offence I think.

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 15/05/2025 17:30

I would only buy for your nieces and Goddaughters- appreciate that is still a lot. Could you buy cheaper gifts?

Not all of my DCs godparents buy them gifts- I don't expect them but Aunts and Uncles do.

Purplebunnie · 15/05/2025 17:30

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:25

Only three godchildren. Two live abroad and I very rarely see any of them. The only kids I know well are two nieces and best friend’s two. So this would be continuing to buy for kids I rarely see whilst stopping for the kids I know (and whose mother gets token gifts for my nieces too).

I know I’m arguing with myself. It would be much easier if I had kids myself.

Show quote history

I bought Easter Eggs for all my nephews and nieces (excess of 10 kids) and my DGC got something from just 1 of the parents

There will be no Easter Eggs next year and to be honest with the imbalance I'd like to cut out Christmas and birthday as well and just spend more on my DGC

Edit for typo

RuxpinT · 15/05/2025 17:31

Coconutter24 · 15/05/2025 17:26

The expectation of a god parent is to love, support and guide the child, gifts are not expected (or shouldn’t be!)

Show quote history

I agree in principle ... but I think the reality is that a lot of people do expect gifts. Obviously not the children, but the parents. It certainly seems to be the case in this situation.

3678194b · 15/05/2025 17:33

It does become transaction like. I have nieces and nephews and all siblings and siblings in law have more children than me. I say say me because I'm on my own.

So I spend more on them than they do on mine, given they're all double income households as well. Often even for the youngest ones, 'money' is asked for birthdays etc, same as what mine wants. Every time we're just passing forward and back the same amount of money.

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:33

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:22

I love spoiling my nieces. I think that was clear.

Show quote history

So….

you love spoiling your nieces
your resent spending money on gifts for them

so find another way to spoil them
or
Suck up the resentment but you still get to love spoiling them
or stop buying gifts and no longer feel resentment but no longer get to love spoiling them

PeapodMcgee · 15/05/2025 17:33

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:29

It would be a notable absence if I stopped. They would assume I meant offence I think.

Show quote history

Then I think the parents must be particularly grabby and fucking rude? If they're so self centred to take offence, does it matter what they think? You're not trapped.

NancyGreens · 15/05/2025 17:33

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:29

It would be a notable absence if I stopped. They would assume I meant offence I think.

Show quote history

Can you just explain to them that you're trying to keep an eye on money and not buying gifts for everyone this year? I have children who have godparents and I am a godmother to two children. I only buy for the godchild I know well and only one out of five of my children's godparents buy for them (she buys for both children because she actually knows them well)

One of the other godparents is in their lives but doesn't do presents. It is completely fine

RuxpinT · 15/05/2025 17:34

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:29

It would be a notable absence if I stopped. They would assume I meant offence I think.

Show quote history

I think buy one more gift all normal for each of them, but explain to the parents that this will be the last year you will be doing so because money is tight, cost of living etc etc.

lalalalalady · 15/05/2025 17:34

Just stop buying a send a nice card instead? You could create a meaningful one on Moonpig with some nice pics of them / you both together and forget the gift.

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:37

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 17:33

So….

you love spoiling your nieces
your resent spending money on gifts for them

so find another way to spoil them
or
Suck up the resentment but you still get to love spoiling them
or stop buying gifts and no longer feel resentment but no longer get to love spoiling them

Show quote history

Oh my god. They’re not all my nieces.

OP posts:
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