Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be starting to resent buying kids gifts?

98 replies

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:14

I undoubtedly am but need to vent.

i don’t have children.

I do have a goddaughter who’s eight and buy for her every birthday and Christmas. I have been friends with her DM for many years but only see her a couple of times a year. At one point I began realising I only saw her when dropping off DGD’s gifts so now I keep them until I have lunch with her DM.

I have another friend who has two children. I also buy for them every Christmas and birthday. I assumed they bought for each other’s kids (the three of us are good friends with each other, meet up together etc). But they’re not, they’ve got an agreement not to.

I also have two nieces, another two goddaughters and a very close cousin has just had a baby.

Cousin has always been very good to my nieces, bought them gifts etc. so it’s established and expected that the cousins will buy for the children in the family.

Which I don’t begrudge, but I’ve also got three goddaughters plus best friend’s two.

So that’s now eight children I’m buying for with more on the way. I love spoiling my nieces and if anything their mother probably wishes I’d stop, but IABU to be starting to resent the cost of buying for the others? As I say, when cousin was childless she and her sister always spoiled my sister’s children so that expectation has been set and a token gift would look cheap.

Just a bit of a whinge really but it’s starting to cost a fortune and with the exception of nieces and BF’s two I hardly ever see the kids or parents!

OP posts:
Pinkmoonshine · 15/05/2025 18:25

I think you can scale presents down and get to the point where you just send a card or a little token present.

i feel the same. If I’m not thanked properly / never see the children / start to feel like I’m a slot machine then I stop wanting to do presents altogether. YANBU

Aimtodobetter · 15/05/2025 18:30

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:26

They definitely do expect it.

Show quote history

Unfortunately if they expect it your choice is to fulfil the expectation or disappoint them. Personally, I encourage family and godparents NOT to buy presents as we have too much stuff.

Catsandcannedbeans · 15/05/2025 18:33

The only one of my friend’s kids I buy for is because my friend and her partner are both only children, so her DD doesn’t have any aunts, uncles or cousins and it results in her being a bit thin on the present department. If I were you and I didn’t want to do it anymore, I’d just stop.

Hdjdb42 · 15/05/2025 18:42

Could you replace gifts with token gifts e.g. box of chocolates and a card?

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 18:44

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 17:37

Oh my god. They’re not all my nieces.

Show quote history

Whatever
the kids that you’re getting your pants in a twist about

C152 · 15/05/2025 18:47

There are no rules here, OP. Buy for your nieces and stop buying for everyone else. Godparents aren't there to supply regular presents, they are there to provide guidance/mentorship. Send a card (if you wish), but don't feel you have to keep buying presents. If the parents take offence at this, I think that speaks volumes about their values...which isn't your problem.

bnmshortcut · 15/05/2025 18:54

Honestly stop buying gifts. I have 3 kids and I’m about to have a 4th, it’s so expensive for family/friends to buy them all presents so I’ve put a stop to it. The kids don’t need presents, I ask that people buy cheap token gifts if they REALLY want to get them something, but I much prefer for family just to spend time making memories with the kids. Growing up I remember my auntie coming over to my house to make jewellery with me, I have no idea what she got me for any birthday or Christmas.

arcticpandas · 15/05/2025 18:55

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 18:01

Yes, it does to me too. But I’ve raised it with another friend who felt quite strongly that their arrangements between themselves are nothing to do with me.

Show quote history

Well, time for you to arrange then. You don't have kids so it's all one-sided.
Talk to everyone and say with all kids everyone has you can't keep up with christmas, birthdays etc so you will have to stop.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 19:00

arcticpandas · 15/05/2025 18:55

Well, time for you to arrange then. You don't have kids so it's all one-sided.
Talk to everyone and say with all kids everyone has you can't keep up with christmas, birthdays etc so you will have to stop.

Show quote history

This.
Both they and you have a mug made of yourself.

Your friends sound "grabby".

Toootss · 15/05/2025 19:13

Do you ever see how many toys, hair clips, books these children have. I’m a DGM and it’s impossible to buy as DGCs have everything -either new, second hand,at nursery,at childminders. They’ve got everything.

Blobbitymacblob · 15/05/2025 19:18

Put a feeler out to each of the parents of these dc, because in all likelihood they’re not as keen on more stuff arriving in their house, even if they’re politely expressing gratitude.

Yeoldlondoncheese · 15/05/2025 19:22

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 18:01

Yes, it does to me too. But I’ve raised it with another friend who felt quite strongly that their arrangements between themselves are nothing to do with me.

Show quote history

They’re using you and taking you for a mug

Original poster
Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 19:25

Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 18:44

Whatever
the kids that you’re getting your pants in a twist about

Show quote history

This isn’t hard. I like buying for my nieces - two of them.

There are another six children.

OP posts:
Soyfinger · 15/05/2025 19:26

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 18:01

Yes, it does to me too. But I’ve raised it with another friend who felt quite strongly that their arrangements between themselves are nothing to do with me.

Show quote history

Well she’s right on that

but seriously, another mumsnet friendship that leaves me thinking WTF… is this how some people engage in friendships?!

BatchCookBabe · 15/05/2025 19:37

See it's stuff like this that makes me think Godparents should be family - an aunt, or a niece, or an uncle, or a nephew, or a cousin you're close to. Not 'a friend.'

I know soooooooooo many people who had friends - for Godparents - for their child(ren) who they had nothing to do with by the time the child started school. The Godparents have nothing to do with the child anymore and nothing to do with the parents of the child. Friendships drift, fracture, go sour, die... Blood ties don't (well not as much/as often...)

Probably time the whole Godparents thing was binned actually. It's outdated and pointless now. Is anyone - especially someone who isn't related to the child - really going to adopt that child/raise them as their own, if the parents die? (And no other family members could take them on?) Most people wouldn't want to do that.

@Poiuytrewqa Seriously, just stop buying stuff for children you have no connection with/aren't related to!

NancyGreens · 15/05/2025 19:43

BatchCookBabe · 15/05/2025 19:37

See it's stuff like this that makes me think Godparents should be family - an aunt, or a niece, or an uncle, or a nephew, or a cousin you're close to. Not 'a friend.'

I know soooooooooo many people who had friends - for Godparents - for their child(ren) who they had nothing to do with by the time the child started school. The Godparents have nothing to do with the child anymore and nothing to do with the parents of the child. Friendships drift, fracture, go sour, die... Blood ties don't (well not as much/as often...)

Probably time the whole Godparents thing was binned actually. It's outdated and pointless now. Is anyone - especially someone who isn't related to the child - really going to adopt that child/raise them as their own, if the parents die? (And no other family members could take them on?) Most people wouldn't want to do that.

@Poiuytrewqa Seriously, just stop buying stuff for children you have no connection with/aren't related to!

I disagree that the idea of godparents should be binned. But I do think people do it when they aren't at all religious, which I don't really get tbh, but to each their own etc

Mauvehoodie · 15/05/2025 20:11

I think I'd stop buying for friend's 2 and let her know you're sorry but need to cut down on present buying. Set the standard early with cousins baby and buy a book or other token gift each time. Switch godchildren to only buy on their birthday or christmas (or anniversary of christening?) rather than twice a year and change to buying a small but meaningful gift.

Or switch all to just Christmas and a card and chocolate on their birthday (or vice versa).

financialmuddle · 15/05/2025 21:16

Catsandcannedbeans · 15/05/2025 18:33

The only one of my friend’s kids I buy for is because my friend and her partner are both only children, so her DD doesn’t have any aunts, uncles or cousins and it results in her being a bit thin on the present department. If I were you and I didn’t want to do it anymore, I’d just stop.

I think that's really nice, and is where the child's wider community can make a difference.

Soyfinger · 16/05/2025 06:36

See it's stuff like this that makes me think Godparents should be family - an aunt, or a niece, or an uncle, or a nephew, or a cousin you're close to. Not 'a friend.'

There is no “should” about it.

my God parents were friends of my parents and are wonderful, loving and supportive. I can’t recall them buying me a gift since I was a child and I know my parents wouldn’t have given a fig either way.

my children have my friends as god parents. My closest friends. Yes they buy gifts but if they never bought another gift again, I wouldn’t blink.

i just bung my god children a tenner at Christmas, they seem happy enough. And as for their parents, my oldest chums from primary school, I think fact they’re coming over to mine for lunch tomorrow, and then to help paint my lounge would indicate they don’t harbour any simmering resentment!

PurpleThistle7 · 16/05/2025 06:56

It sounds like the whole thing is a problem really ‘I like spoiling my nieces but their mother wishes I’d stop’ is also a problem. The two friends using their childfree friend for non reciprocated gifts is a problem. The 3 godchildren (why agree three times!) is a problem. It’s all wrong.

if you can’t afford this then just stop. No need to make a drama about it. Send a card and be done. If it’s more about the logistics annoyance then you can send money for them to buy some sweets or whatever they like.

RobinEllacotStrike · 16/05/2025 07:07

£10 in a card. Stop with all the gifts.

we are all drowning in too much stuff. Gifts for children hugely contribute to this.

Absolutenonsense · 16/05/2025 07:13

Poiuytrewqa · 15/05/2025 18:01

Yes, it does to me too. But I’ve raised it with another friend who felt quite strongly that their arrangements between themselves are nothing to do with me.

Show quote history

It’s really very simple. Just have a nice chat with the parents of the children you don’t want to buy for and explain you’re starting to find it a bit much to buy for so many children, you’re very fond of them but are going to stop now. Be pleasant but keep
a blumdary. There really isn’t anything else to
day. Yanbu at all

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 16/05/2025 08:23

My friend is like you OP, buys gifts for all her friends children (including mine!) and I asked her to stop. Because my child doesn't need things, and it wasn't fair for her to be spending so much money all the time. She has since sent out a message saying she won't be buying gifts at Xmas etc as its just become too much for her. To my knowledge not one friend has responded in a negative way.

specialsauce · 16/05/2025 08:43

Now that all the children of friends and family are at secondary school I have begun giving a 'family gift' at Christmas, instead of separate things for adults and each child.
So now I give a tub of chocolates, or a game, or a Christmas nice decoration for the tree/mantlepiece - to each family I know - friends and actual relations too.

Birthdays are a card with £20 in it and some nice chocolate.

My life is a lot easier since sticking to this!

Calling · 16/05/2025 08:55

In my niece's bedroom was a very large pile of cuddly toys, probably 40 of them, given as gifts. She didn't even like them!