Fed up with everyone assuming only boys have short hair

Sailorchick14 · 2025-05-14T20:26:17+00:00

Feeling so frustrated and annoyed for my DD age 11. She prefers her hair short. It was in a pixie cut from age 8 till she got fed up with being called a boy so tried growing it last year. We got to bob length and she'd had enough and had it cut back to pixie length last month. Just dealt with tears and anger from her tonight. Hates her hair. She hates it long but again is fed up with the boy comments. It's kids and adults. Even teachers at her school. I don't know how to help her with this one. I tell her to confidently correct anyone getting it wrong but why should she have too?.

FireAndButtons · 14/05/2025 21:29

I find it so strange these days that all the girls have long hair. In the 80s we all had short hair, well in between the huge perms.
What have her teachers said?

Just to add in these days where everyone is obsessed with gender, you’d think it wouldn’t matter. I think we’ve gone backwards in that department.

GenderFluid90 · 14/05/2025 21:30

She shouldn't have to. I'm glad she has confidence in herself to wear her hair how she wants.

You sound lovely OP. Just keep reminding everyone who comments. Hairstyles have no gender

Hayley1256 · 14/05/2025 21:30

She shouldn't have to deal with it and should be able to have her hair how she wants. However, most kids at that age are brutal to each other.

Could you put any accessories in or use hair chalks to add colour?

Original poster

Sailorchick14 · 14/05/2025 21:45

Her teachers have told her off for being in girls toilets before!

I don't think we are going to get accessories in her hair. She doesn't like anything she perceives as girly. So her clothes can be quite boyish. For school she wears trousers or shorts as she won't wear skirts or dresses.

Think I am going to email her class teacher. She was soo happy when she first had it cut back short so it's really sad that others opinions are bringing her down

OP posts:

Divebar2021 · 14/05/2025 21:55

I have short hair OP and the amount of derogatory comments I read online about no one looking good with short hair… it’s a very persistent issue. In the 80’s the trends were for quite short hair and actresses like Demi Moore in Ghosts and later Gwynth Paltrow in Sliding doors were seen as really chic. Does your daughter have a good hairdresser? Mine is in his 40’s so he’s got the technical skills to produce a short cut that’s still feminine. A lot of younger hairdressers just don’t have those skills
As a PP stated kids that age can be brutal and have very fixed views of what’s suitable for boys & girls. There were barely any girls at my daughters schools that would wear trousers even though they all wore them outside of school. The need to fit in is really strong so your DD is clearly an independent thinker. I hope she doesn’t lose that.

GingerBeverage · 14/05/2025 22:01

Can you take her for a walk around Shoreditch? All the cool girls have short hair, bermuda jorts, and cropped tees.

Hayley1256 · 14/05/2025 22:06

I'm not sure how to do this but I would try and find ways of increasing her confidence so the comments don't affect her.

Definitely talk to the eacher too. Give some comebacks for when people bring it up, does she have a good group of friends at school?

Motomum23 · 14/05/2025 22:08

My sons have long hair - they've learnt to say 'my hair has no bearing on my gender' ... its a case of needing a thick skin to deal with morons unfortunately

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 14/05/2025 22:10

My dd, now 17, hates long hair with a passion, she's had every style from long to a skinhead, and the last maybe 10 years she has far preferred it shorter.

I gave her some phrases use that were to the point, we rehearsed at home, and she got confident when replying to people, and now doesn't give a shit.

One of my younger dds is going the same way, and also wears clothes and shoes from the boys section, so I've done the same with her, and she gets very little bother now.

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:11

Well - the reality is, rightly or wrongly, that long hair for girls has been a thing for quite a while now. Doesn’t matter that’s not how it was for us in the 80s.

But why is she so averse to anything being girly? Does she see feminine as being lesser? Why? I would address that - not because there’s anything wrong with a girl having short hair, but the reality is that she is a girl and perceiving feminine things as bad or lesser is just as bad as perceiving those things as essential to being a proper girl, IYSWIM.

Alpacacaca · 14/05/2025 22:13

YANBU.
The whole gender ideology has done a number on anyone who doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes that should be seen as harmful and outdated.

It’s now as if certain people cannot recognise people’s sex any more because they’ve been so brainwashed. It’s terrifying, and such a safeguarding failure.

Oystersandchampagne · 14/05/2025 22:14

Cannot understand this obsession with long hair . When my children were school age the girls had different styles and my daughter had a bob ..can understand a crop maybe 🤷‍♀️

justmeandmyselfandi · 14/05/2025 22:16

Agree with you completely, had the same with my DS with longish hair and everyone assuming he was a girl even when he obviously looks like a boy. Frustrating.

Serencwtch · 14/05/2025 22:17

Kids & young people have become so obsessed with gender stereotypes & finding their 'true self' that we have regressed back into strict gender stereotypes.
Girls have to have long hair & like 'girly' things, a girl who prefers short hair & hates her hair long isn't living her 'true self' until she fully identifies as a boy. It's complete madness.

If OPs DD was a child in the 90s she would be free to have her hair how she wanted but unfortunately in current times she either needs to be very resilient or perhaps hair bows, clips, make sure her other stuff is obviously 'girly' eg her school bag, skirt rather than trousers would obviously help if that's allowed. It's sad & regressive that is what we have come to in society.

Givesoner · 14/05/2025 22:17

If she’s 11, wearing boyish clothes and a boyish hairstyle then she’s going to be mistaken for a boy. Unless you mean they’re teasing her for looking like a boy when they know she’s a girl?

HuffleMyPuffle · 14/05/2025 22:18

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:11

Well - the reality is, rightly or wrongly, that long hair for girls has been a thing for quite a while now. Doesn’t matter that’s not how it was for us in the 80s.

But why is she so averse to anything being girly? Does she see feminine as being lesser? Why? I would address that - not because there’s anything wrong with a girl having short hair, but the reality is that she is a girl and perceiving feminine things as bad or lesser is just as bad as perceiving those things as essential to being a proper girl, IYSWIM.

Or she just doesn't like girly things....

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:19

HuffleMyPuffle · 14/05/2025 22:18

Or she just doesn't like girly things....

Show quote history

But usually that happens due to a negative connotation with “girly” things. And I would want to get to the bottom of that.

Alpacacaca · 14/05/2025 22:20

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:11

Well - the reality is, rightly or wrongly, that long hair for girls has been a thing for quite a while now. Doesn’t matter that’s not how it was for us in the 80s.

But why is she so averse to anything being girly? Does she see feminine as being lesser? Why? I would address that - not because there’s anything wrong with a girl having short hair, but the reality is that she is a girl and perceiving feminine things as bad or lesser is just as bad as perceiving those things as essential to being a proper girl, IYSWIM.

WTF?
Surely femininity plays straight into the stereotype playbook, why would any of us want to stick to any of that nonsense, for ourselves or our children? It’s bonkers.

Short hair for girls isn’t about feminine being lesser, it’s about personal preferences, what is comfortable, or practical, or whatever reason they choose. Let’s stop assigning these stupid gender rules to our children. Carrying on in this way persuades too many girls that they should be boys, when in reality they should be able to cut their bloody hair however they want.

Sorry for the rant, just so fucking sick of “gender” and the shit it’s brought into the world!

Givesoner · 14/05/2025 22:20

justmeandmyselfandi · 14/05/2025 22:16

Agree with you completely, had the same with my DS with longish hair and everyone assuming he was a girl even when he obviously looks like a boy. Frustrating.

Before puberty there is very little difference in a girl or boy’s facial features. Maybe your son is older but for OP’s 11 year old, there is nothing to differentiate the sexes other than hair, clothes, toys. Once they hit puberty it changes.

Handbagcuriosity · 14/05/2025 22:21

Aww OP I feel for her!

I think it is about learning how to not give a shit about other people’s stupid comments which isn’t immediately easy. But if she’s comfortable as she is then that’s what she should stick with

I went very short last year and love it, have it almost shaved round the sides and longer on top.

Would she try hair wax? I use it to mess the top, makes it look a little bit funkier

I also am a big Pink fan. Have seen a few videos of her talking about how to be true to yourself and her being a role model for her daughter. She’s great at explaining it. Might be one to look up and watch with your daughter?

I think it’s brilliant she wants to have her own style at her age

HuffleMyPuffle · 14/05/2025 22:21

This is where anti-trans ideology gets us

Anyone perceived not to fit gender norms is scorned and attacked...

Pamspeople · 14/05/2025 22:21

I'm remembering the speech that Pink gave at an awards ceremony about her beautiful daughter - it won't let me include a link but if you Google you'll find it.

And you can tell your beautiful daughter from me that all the cool girls have short hair, we're too busy kicking ass and having fun to be bothered with long!

HuffleMyPuffle · 14/05/2025 22:21

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:19

But usually that happens due to a negative connotation with “girly” things. And I would want to get to the bottom of that.

Show quote history

I didn't like girly things growing up because they didn't interst me

That was all

Alpacacaca · 14/05/2025 22:22

Givesoner · 14/05/2025 22:17

If she’s 11, wearing boyish clothes and a boyish hairstyle then she’s going to be mistaken for a boy. Unless you mean they’re teasing her for looking like a boy when they know she’s a girl?

Which is a very now thing.
I was that child in the 80s, people seemed to understand that short hair == boy back then.
Clearly the world has dumbed down more than I realised.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 14/05/2025 22:22

Ddakji · 14/05/2025 22:19

But usually that happens due to a negative connotation with “girly” things. And I would want to get to the bottom of that.

Show quote history

No it doesn't 'usually' happen due to negativity surrounding 'girly' things at all.

Short hair is more practical.

As for the rest of it, it's just stuff. People have different tastes.