Fed up with everyone assuming only boys have short hair

[Sailorchick14]

Feeling so frustrated and annoyed for my DD age 11.
She prefers her hair short. It was in a pixie cut from age 8 till she got fed up with being called a boy so tried growing it last year. We got to bob length and she'd had enough and had it cut back to pixie length last month.

Just dealt with tears and anger from her tonight. Hates her hair. She hates it long but again is fed up with the boy comments. It's kids and adults. Even teachers at her school.

I don't know how to help her with this one. I tell her to confidently correct anyone getting it wrong but why should she have too?.

I don't get this at all, what's wrong with not liking "girly" stuff? I've never liked girly stuff, I'm not traditionally feminine and it's not some sort of dysfunction that needs exploring!

I've often said that gender expectations are regressive

In the past, no one assumed that a girl with short hair was likely a boy, trans boy or lesbian. She was just a girl, with short hair. No big deal

But now, we're told that if a man wears a skirt, then he's a woman. Cos, obviously, men wear trousers and women wear skirts

So, this reinforces gender stereotypes and girls who don't want to be mistaken for boys feel they need to have long hair and skirts

This is not progress

And if that’s the case with the OP’s DD, that’s great. No harm in asking.

She might still be the girliest girl and still prefer short hair because it's more practical? Weird comment!

This is nothing to do with trans issues. It’s largely the homogenous nature of women’s fashion over the past decade which has featured long straight hair as the only really desirable look for women. Then we have the whole “ princessy “ promotion to little girls. My DD used to come home from school and make statements like “ boys can’t wear make up”… I don’t even know who spouts this shit to their children to begin with. Girls can’t wear be Tom boys - it’s fine.

How would you tell apart a boy and a girl wearing the same clothes with the same hairstyle at 11 years old? You couldn’t.

Short hair in the 80s was a bob, not a pixie cut, and if at school almost always accompanied by a skirt. A girl in the 80s with a pixie cut, trousers and a polo shirt could as easily have been mistaken for a boy then as now. Think of how often George in the Famous Five was mistaken for a boy.

Exactly.
I always wear my hair long but don’t think anything negative about short hair. I just… like it long.
I thought we’d got past all this.. it’s this shit that leads to kids thinking they’re in the wrong body

It’s the trans ideology that has directly led us to this, not “anti-trans”.

Children used to be able to be children, in the last 20 years gender stereotypes have become more and more rigid. To the point where a girl with short hair is now seen as wrong, must be a boy, must be rejecting her femininity. It’s so shit and regressive.

Every single trans story relies on gender stereotypes forced upon vulnerable children. Every single girl given a double mastectomy and sterilised by cross sex hormones has a background of gender stereotypes. It beggars belief that people are still holding onto “anti-trans” when it’s very clear that the stereotypes are the problem and not the solution!

Interesting. I would argue it's the other way round

It's the pro trans lobby who taught us that (1) long hair and skirt = woman and (2) short hair and trousers = man

In the 80s, we had plenty of girls with short hair and nen with long hair. And we knew what they were

She doesn't see girly as negative but she is a very practical kid. Doesn't want hair in her way. She is tall and slim and I'd say she has quite feminine features.
But she has no interest in make up etc. She wants to be able to do the activities she loves in comfortable clothes and no hair in the way.

Her little sister is very girly so it's definitely a personality thing. Don't think there's any reason she doesn't like girly things other than personal preference.

Yes I agree and was going to say the same.

if people know she is a girl and are calling her a boy or making unkind comments that’s unacceptable. But if it’s people who don’t know her, and they are seeing short hair and boyish clothes and assuming boy that’s different. There’s a kid at my daughter’s school in reception and I have no idea if it’s a boy or a girl. Long hair, but left quite unkempt and boyish clothes (shorts not summer dress), but sometimes a hairband or something which makes me think girl 🤷‍♀️

Your daughter is not far off puberty at which point her face will change and her body with change and it will be obvious she is a girl/woman. I have very short hair and have only been misgendered once, when I was standing in the dark in a footpath and a mum told her kid to ‘hurry up cos this man is waiting’ - as soon as she got nearer she realised an apologised profusely but I thought it was funny. It’s obvious with adult women in a way it isn’t with children.

With the best will in the world, if your daughter is choosing short hair and boyish clothes people who don’t know her may well make this mistake. If she doesn’t like it she may need to make some changes, or learn to live it.

Hard agree.

I guess there's a difference between genuinely being mistaken for a boy which, as PP have said us likely to happen less as she and her classmates get older and it becomes more obvious from body shape etc - or whether it's using "you look like a boy" as an insult - which needs dealing with as would any insulting /bullying.

I'm so cross on your daughter's behalf and wish her happiness with her cool and practical short hair

She's been at same school since year 3, the kids know she is a girl

They’re kids. How would you know? Girls with short hair and boyish clothes have always been mistaken for boys and boys with long hair wearing pink for girls. This happened decades before trans ideology. Would you know if this child of the 70s was a girl or boy?

I had cropped short hair. In school the teachers knew me so I was never mistaken for a boy.

If I was mistaken for a boy (not very often) I told them I was a girl and everyone moved on. No one was shocked, no one harped on about my short hair and brothers hand me downs, and how I must really be a boy, or any of the stuff that goes on now. It was the 80s, this was normal childhood stuff.

Are you from the 1950's?

But OP’s child doesn’t think she’s a boy so that’s irrelevant here.

It can just be a personal preference. My daughter has long hair but hates girly patterns, colours etc. Everything is black grey white or blue, shorts trousers tshirts jumpers, the most girly she will get is a jumpsuit for a special occasion, skirts and dresses are a definite no. There is no negative link to 'girly', just choices

She’s being bullied then and you need to speak to the school about it.

I don’t think anyone is telling OP’s child she must be a boy.

I’m completely gender critical, but this sounds like old fashioned teasing. Which was definitely around in the 80s.

No, but the people saying she looks like a boy, and a teacher saying she’s a boy are a part of this move that dictates that gender stereotypes are to be rigidly adhered to.

20+ years ago no one would bat an eyelid at a girl having short hair. Nowadays it’s all confusing and is a problem for lots of people used to children meeting those regressive stereotypes.

It really isn't irrelevant.

It's only since the gender ideology fiasco that short hair has been seen as masculine - for the first time since the 1950's anyway.

I had short hair in the 80's. Nobody thought I was a boy and nobody batted an eyelid.

Email the teacher OP, it's really not OK.
Would it help if you showed her pictures of women with short hair? Remember how popular the pixie cut was back in earlier 2000s, hopefully it makes a return, it's a brilliant style.

OP says her DD was literally confronted about toilets. It's IS a trans issue