Fed up with everyone assuming only boys have short hair

[Sailorchick14]

Feeling so frustrated and annoyed for my DD age 11.
She prefers her hair short. It was in a pixie cut from age 8 till she got fed up with being called a boy so tried growing it last year. We got to bob length and she'd had enough and had it cut back to pixie length last month.

Just dealt with tears and anger from her tonight. Hates her hair. She hates it long but again is fed up with the boy comments. It's kids and adults. Even teachers at her school.

I don't know how to help her with this one. I tell her to confidently correct anyone getting it wrong but why should she have too?.

The Famous Five was written in the 40s and featured a short haired, boyishly dressed girl who was always being mistaken for a boy. If you never were, then you had other giveaways - the colour of your clothes, the style of your clothes, your shoes, what you were playing with, who you were playing with, your name.

Girls and boys cannot be told apart if they’re dressed the same with the same hairstyle by a stranger.

But anyway, the kids in this case know that OP’s daughter is a girl so they’re not confused, they’re just little bullies.

That looks like Jemima Rooper to me, who wasn't a child of the 1970s.

Yes, but George absolutely saw being a girl as a negative and actively joined in sneering at Anne, who was happy in her proscribed role. And looking at that as an adult, I think, well fine to reject that for yourself but don’t diss those who make different choices. It’s like “progressive” parents who don’t want their daughters to like pink but love it if their sons do. It’s still pink and it’s still just a colour.

Poor kid. She sounds very like my 10 year old granddaughter who also rocks a pixie cut and has less stereotypically feminine interests and clothing. She struggles to cope with that sort of stuff to as isn't confident enough to say sassy things back to the daft fools.

I was a young teenager mid 70s and was teased for having hair long enough to sit on. I had it cut at 16 and it has been every length since then.

I’m now 61 and wear it shoulder length. It’s quite curly so has a lot of body, vital as you age. But a lot of friends are going back to shorter cuts post meno because your hair becomes a bit wiry and dry.

The plus side is that you don’t need to wash it so often.

I’m sure that we are due a major hair length change, just reassure your DD that she is a trail blazer. Her generation of teenagers are definitely much more critical about the whole gender issue. Long hair doesn’t suit everyone and once young women realise that hair length can enhance their appearance we will start to see more variation.

Maybe as the current 20-30 age group start to hit 30-40 it will become unpopular to look like an old lady. Pretty much what happened to my generation in the 60s and 70s.

Of course your daughter should have short hair if she prefers it. It’s ridiculous that a matter of fashion should be associated with gender, let alone sex. The whole idea that long hair is more feminine is just so much cultural baloney. You could just as easily say cropped hair is the most feminine as it shows a readiness to be a busy multi tasking mother.. (this would also be bullshit off). Hair is just hair. If the kids are calling her a boy it is bullying, if TEACHERS are saying she looks like a boy, complain.

Yes, should have been of the 90s. You recognised the actress though, so knew she was a girl from the series.

That’s fine, but it doesn’t change that a stranger would be hard pressed to tell a girl is a girl if she’s got short hair and boyish clothes.

But anyway, in this case they do know she’s a girl so it’s not that they think she’s a boy based on hairstyle.

It would be easy for her school
to pop a note on her ‘file’ to say don’t mention her hair. There’s a boy in my school who we can’t mention his height to (he’s very tall).

That's fiction. Also, Famous Five was pretty sexist and of course bowed to the 'girls with short hair are boyish' attitude of the time. This was a common attitude pre -1960's.

So I stand by what I say - to say a girl is boyish because of a short hairstyle is a pre-1960's attitude.

The 60's haircuts changed all that. Thankfully.

By the 80's people we had all manner of hairstyles - anything was allowed, male or female.

Recently stereotypes have been resurrected by the trans movement. I expect in a backlash to the pink for girls / blue for boys supermarket aisles that became mainstream in the late 90's.
Marketing has a lot to answer for.

Yes, I recognised the face, but I didn't remember her name initially. The first thought that came into my head was - 'I know her. Who is that?'

I knew that was a female face. Had to google the image to get the name.

We have exactly the same problem but my 11 year old son has long (mid back) hair. Entirely his choice, he loves his hair long but at least once a day he’s called a girl. In fact I dropped him at his secondary school transition today and the teacher receiving them said ‘ oh you must be Lily’ as that was the only girl name card she had left. It does get to him. Gender stereotypes have regressed so so much in the past few years.

Transpeople are not going for gender stereotypes

They are not "just sticking on a skirt and saying they're a girl"

Anti trans activists are the ones who use this language. And the ones who attack those who don't fit the gender norm for appearing in the "wrong" place

I tell her to confidently correct anyone getting it wrong but why should she have too?

She doesn't have to but if she wants to she can.

I was regularly mistaken for a boy growing up in the 70s because I preferred short hair.

Sometimes I corrected people and sometimes I didn't.

I never got mistaken for a boy at school though, but I expect that's because girls wore a different uniform.

I would argue this is actually ‘trans ideology’ - saying male = masculine and female = feminine is why we are here.

A young girl with a short haircut and shorts = a boy because trans identity exists with such narrow contraints.

Not yet she doesn't but that is where these kind of stereotypes CAN lead to in teenage years.

It's sexism.

Tell the school they need to deal with it.

It's not ok.

No, it doesn't. I wear my hair short because it suits my face shape and doesn't get in my eyes when I exercise. And I prefer trousers to skirts because I find them more comfortable. Surely we can have preferences without having to go through therapy to unpick the reasons why.

I think the point is - short hair and trousers are NOT intrinsically 'boy' signifiers. Nor should they be. She shouldn't have to have long hair or wear skirts to avoid being teased

I agree, have a word with school and make sure teachers know she is a girl.
If she wants a quieter life, would she change a couple of small things - eg a gingham rather than plain white shirt - as they are normally girls' uniform. And maybe a short haircut that is more pixie cut than boys' barber cut. I don't think she should have to do this. But if she is equally happy with these then they could solve the problem of people making assumptions.

DS2 was commonly mistaken for a girl at 10-11. Shoulder length hair, slim build, androdgenous face.
At 14, people are begining to clock that DS1 has early facial hair, an Adam's apple, deeper voice and sharper facial features... most of the time anyway...

Stereotypes have reverted back more stongly since the 90s.

Plus there's the added assumption that if you're not conforming to gender clichés that you're trans rather than being a member of your own sex making choices that suit you.

DS2 was told off for standing in the boy's line by his new teacher at the start of the year. The irony was that 6 weeks earlier she'd been teaching DS1 whose hair was longer. They are very clearly siblings too.

That’s absolutely fine that she is just being herself. My granddaughter chooses to wear marvel characters at parties amongst her friends,but is also very happy to wear princess dresses to the theatre .

I am a 'proper girl' - well, I'm the mum of five so I'm fairly good at 'womaning' in that direction. But I wear trousers and T shirts because I do a lot of work with animals so prancing about in a frock wouldn't suit and I have very short hair. I am called 'he' on a fairly regular basis, despite having a 36DD chest and a small waist, so even from a distance it should be apparent that I am female. It upsets me more than it perhaps should.

@Ddakji Feminine ≠ girly, though.
One of my greatest joys as a mother of two tw/een DDs is that they are both thrilled to be female while simultaneously not giving two hoots about gender stereotypes. They do as they please, can rock any look and neither are bothered with shaving, make-up or compulsory bra-wearing. They can if they fancy, just choose not to most of the time. Like OP's DD, they're practical and love a pocket. They're still doing well and have lots of lovely friends who are similarly un-preoccupied with such trivial pursuits. They totally eye-roll at anything 'gender' and feel it's the ultimate pick me-ism.
OP, your DD and you both sound lovely and I really hope your DD is able to stick by the courage of her convictions.

Yanbu

The adults are the worst, tbh

People are ignorant