HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I could understand if you didn’t want to work for him again because it’s awkward AF, but come
on Op, you’ve totally demonised him for what is clearly an error.

The messages were sent seconds apart you say? So potentially he’s messaging his partner the same time as you - and still to this moment has no idea he sent it to you.

Hes in his 70s, it’s hardly out of the realm of possibility he was texting his partner a fruity message, you were the last message he responded to and he’s sat there patiently waiting for her to reply.

Yes men are dicks etc etc but it’s very obvious what’s happened here and you’ve all jumped on him like he’s a sex predator. He’s allowed a romantic relationship away from his cleaner.

And screenshot ahead of his deletion.

It is so out of tune with the rest of the messaging that I strongly believe it was part of a different conversation. I also wouldn't be surprised if he is so embarrassed that he did this, he is at a loss for words.

I would just carry on as normal and pretend not to notice, in a good old fashioned British way!

You keep saying that the fact that he hasn't apologised to you must mean he intended to send it you, to insult you.

He doesn't realise he sent it to the wrong person. He sorted everything with you for tomorrow, he's not expecting a response and there's no reason for him to open that conversation at the moment.

I very, very rarely speak up for men, but when you start accusing him of sexual harassment for accidentally sending you a message intended for someone else, I begin to feel quite sorry for him.

He may not have realised that he has sent it to you. I think I would say something along the lines of ‘I presume that last message wasn’t meant for me’ and go from there. His response to that would be very telling for me and help me decide what to do.

The amount of women on this thread falling over themselves to defend this pervy man is shocking!

Sending a text to the wrong person is quite rare and usually only happens if you're rushing.

"I accidentally send messages to the wrong person all the time" - you send inappropriate sexual messages to your cleaner/other people you employ to work in your home? Do you really?

No, of course you don't. You send very occasional accidental messages like "get some bread" to Steve from work instead of husband Steve when you're rushing home - no harm done.

If you're sending a message of a sexual nature, you have a responsibility to take the time to check and double check the recipient before pressing send.

A man sending sexual messages to a woman working on her own in his house is never ok.

Because he hasn't realised yet?

I would definitely have texted back to say 'don't think this was intended for me?'

He will then most likely apologise profusely for his mistake (which it could be). If he DOESN'T apologise and says, no, 'it WAS for you - just trying my luck hur hur hur' '- then you know to get the fuck out of dodge ASAP.

Which one might decide to do anyway, even in he apologies. It doesn't sound like you would BELIEVE any claims that it was an honest mistake anyway.

Don't go back. Personally I'd be sending it to his partner. Even if it's not meant for you (which I believe it was or he would have immediately text you an apology), you should always trust your gut.

I also work in a job which requires going into other people's houses and it's already quite a vulnerable feeling, it's just not worth it.

Could it have been meant for his partner?

If it was unintentional he would have seen that he’d sent it to you by accident when he sent you the later texts and apologised profusely. Does he show any signs of dementia (that can make some men lose boundaries). Either way I’d not go back as it would gave grossed me out too much.

@AthWat it is text message and the texts from him over 90 mins ago now. Theast text was the lube one. I have not replied. Still cant believe it (and he lives alone with his cat who I doubt can type 😫)

I'd assume he had sent it by accident, and hadn't realised. The tone is quite different to the previous ones.

I cannot imagine this to be anything but a text sent in error. Surely having been so polite originally he wouldn't immediately leap to tales of his wanking?
Perhaps reply with ??? to gage his response.

We’ve all been using smartphones for nearly twenty years, since they were invented. Why would a seventy year old be less up to speed than anyone else?

Jesus wept...

Sending a text to the wrong person is quite rare and usually only happens if you're rushing.

Is it? <blinks> I'm the mistress of messaging the wrong person or posting to the wrong WhatsApp group.

Nothing pervy, mind.

If you’ve no other red flags from your interactions with him to me reading that cold it’s so out of sync with the rest of the conversation I’d assume it was meant for someone else. Especially if the texts were sent really close together as he’s possibly been having two conversations at once (this is how I’ve done similar but thankfully with very vanilla chat!). If there are no other messages in the conversation it’s very possible he’s none the wiser he’s done this yet. I’d reply with a ‘assuming this wasn’t meant for me ?!?’ and decide based on what happens next.

How badly do you need the work? Perhaps message partner and say you no longer feel comfortable doing his cleaning. You don’t need to forward messages or say more unless they ask.

I sometimes send messages to the wrong person and do t realise until they text me back to ask what I’m on about. Is it possible he hasn’t realised yet??

Because it’s only been 90 mins and he hasn’t realised yet? Can’t imagine my dad ever sending a message like that to anyone (desperately hope he’s never sent one like that to his wife because, barf). However, he’s a similar age and will send a message and then forget his phone exists for hours. He puts it in the boot of his car when they drive somewhere. Honestly, the man at the top of all our computer game leaderboards when I was a kid in the 80s and he can happily not look at his phone for days on end.

Or maybe he absolutely meant to send it to you.

The only messages you’re quoting are those reinforcing what is obviously your discomfort at the message. That response is entirely valid - if you don’t feel comfortable with the guy anymore, just leave. It’s really not worth it.

Please be in my area though, as I’m dying for a new cleaner! I promise my DH is not a perv, my cats are adorable and I’ll never leave you by yourself with a plumber.

That's what I though. Click on the image though !!!

@bigboykittyWhats your point?

Looks like someone got hold of his phone!

More likely to believe a "OMG cant believe I sent that. How crass. So sorry" text than nothing at all. It id me burning brain calories here in WTF mode.

He lives alone