HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I would think he’s sent it to you by accident tbh..?? Seems very random following the other messages! I also wouldn’t use the word razz?! I’d reply and say ‘I’ll prétend I haven’t seen that message Jim’ with an embarrassed emoji and I’d never mention it to him. I bet he meant to send it to someone else. Unless I didn’t need the job and couldn’t be bothered then probably I’d quit. But if he’s not there anyway as long as I didn’t have to see him ever I’d probably just ignore it!

The chances are, of course, that if this is an accident and you send it to his partner she'll see it fits quite neatly into a conversation that the two of them were having at the same time.

@AthWat that text has made it bloody awkward. It is grim. No apology or excuse e.g. fat fingers

I just dont know why he hasnt sent an apology if it was an accident (wrong recipient)

No. That’s the point. I have in the past. I don’t any more. Because I check. You don’t get to the age of 70 and not have learnt that lesson

I suspect he’s replied on the wrong thread . Some people talk like this with dps. Still very awkward, id definitely quit if you can afford it

His messages seem very polite and respectful and the 'ick' one makes no sense at all in the context of your conversation. The only answer is that he must have meant it for his partner or whoever else he's involved with. His behaviour — going out — seems respectful too and he's been careful to assure you that the plumber is a nice man and you have no need to worry about his presence. All good.

It's ridiculous to take this personally when it wasn't intended for you. In his shoes you (or I) would be mortified and if I was his girlfriend I'd wonder what kind of snowflake you are to immediately conclude that he's done this purposely.

The adult thing to do would be to respond to him saying 'Did you intend to send this to me?' Give him the opportunity to apologise. If he doesn't, then you forward the message to his partner, resign and return the keys.

Do some men EVER stop being utter perverted wankers? Seems not.

I despair for this generation of young women.

I don’t think it was sent by mistake at all - I think he’s taken you comment about “a razz on the bike” and the fact you’ve responded in a friendly manner to his texts as the go-ahead to make his repulsive comments.

Im surprised so many on here are making excuses - have you met many men? A lot of them will send stuff like this if they think you’re “game” or even if they don’t they’ll try their luck.

I’ve had to deal with shit like this countless times over the years along with most recently my (ugly, 60-odd year old) window cleaner telling me he “never seems to manage to catch the female clients he’s really like to see in the nude unawares - only the fat, ugly ones” - lascivious wink.

A whole lotta men are really pervy and massively overstep boundaries in order to try and get a shag. Even the old ugly ones - their ego’s are a thing to behold. They don’t give a shit if they offend or upset you 🤷‍♀️
I think hopefully the younger generation are learning it’s not acceptable especially with the advent of SM/camera phones etc and the documenting of evidence. Some old sad bastards are still clueless about this though, such is their arrogance.

Id send the messages to his partner op, personally and block him. I’d also be telling everyone who’ll listen what a perv he is.

You think most 70 year olds are really up to speed on messaging then because of their 65 years using smart phones?

Reporting him to who? She's said she's self employed, he's not her employer. And nothing you have mentioned is a crime.

It's clearly distasteful but doing anything other than telling him he's a dirty perv, not working for him again and moving on with her life would be ridiculous

In all scenarios yes - For example sent in error and meant for the partner but how does she know for sure it was for her? The op doesn’t know the background of these people’s lives. There could be a back story that gets brought up with difficult feelings, jealousy etc.

I would reply 'I'm assuming that the last message wasn't meant for me and I shall ignore it, but should you ever make an inappropriate comment in future, I will forward it immediately to your partner and you won't hear from me again'. I'm sure it wasn't an accident, but that makes your position clear, if you really want to keep this job.

He might well not have even realised yet that he sent it to the wrong person.

It’s pretty clear that this is an accident sent to the wrong person, no drama needed

Seriously??

If this is real, of course you shouldn't go back

I don’t think that was meant for you. On a side note £13ph?! You need to charge more!

Tell the partner and return his key. Dirty old pervert.

I agree with this. He's not made a mistake.

Has he returned to that conversation since?

If so, then there is still a chance he thinks he managed to delete it before you saw it - plenty of people think deleting messages at their end gets rid of them for the recipient. Which messaging app is it?

Click on the text message to view the whole conversation.

This is my thinking too - that he hasn't even realised he has sent it to you hence the lack of apology.

I initially thought a mistake, but the lack of apology/back-tracking makes me think he was testing the waters. If you complain he can say it was an accident. You know him better than us, so if you have doubts then leave.

Problem is, these blokes get away with this stuff because we turn ourselves inside out trying to figure out why and how polite we can be. You need a firm boundary from the off or you can look forward to more of these.

Send a screenshot to his partner, tell her that you're not longer interested in working for them and post the key through the letter box. You'll not feel comfortable now.

MerrionMiriam
I think you need to send this to his partner. You can say ‘I am hoping this was meant for you, but as I’m sure you will appreciate, I am deeply uncomfortable about continuing to clean for XX & will therefore return the key to his home at my earliest convenience.’

100% this. She can ask him. Do not go to that house. Some unpleasant men really get off on shocking women and being inappropriate. This is the text equivalent of flashing. They work on the assumption that you will be so shocked you won’t react. It’s power play. Not cool dude, not cool at all.

He's not apologised as he's banking on you being to polite to bring it up.

Perverts don't stop because they get over 50, or 60 or whatever age some might deem men no longer a threat.

A friend who is a carer was SA by a pensioner. He didn't have a dementia diagnosis before someone jumps on with an excuse for him.

I would not take any risks with my safety.
And I would send this to his partner before she thinks about employing the next unsuspecting woman.