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Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
TheSwarm · 14/05/2025 19:56

Ragamuffin8 · 14/05/2025 19:48

Why would someone that apparently regularly sees their partner text said partner to say their only sexual release is porn and their hand?

It’s not a mistake, he deliberately sent it. Like a flasher, he gets off on it.

I mean, i don't want to defend the guy because sending that message to the OP was of course grim, but some people do have the kind of relationships where they send stupid jokey messages to each other and it is pretty easy to send something to the wrong person if you aren't careful.

I've done it, thankfully nothing as bad as that but it happens occasionally to just about everyone.

Fact is, no-one here has any way of knowing whether it was sent in error or not. OP can either assume it was and return his key etc, or if she feels comfortable doing so try to clarify whether it was or not to enable her to carry on cleaning his house.

AleaEim · 14/05/2025 19:56

Katonhottinroof · 14/05/2025 19:43

I’ve worked in retirement schemes. This reminds me of a story my colleague told where a long term married resident who be all accounts was very gentle and kind suddenly switched and had a Jekyll and Hyde personality. He used to say vile things, turns out it was early stages of dementia and when he had UTI’s in particular he would say similar things.

Not to excuse this man, as it’s pretty gross and horrid, but there may be something else going on.

My thought too, I’ve worked with dementia patients and certain types of dementia present with sexually disinhibited behaviour

ChampagneLassie · 14/05/2025 19:56

I think it’s a mistake as others have said about change of tone. BUT I’d still send to his partner and end the job as it sounds like you just wouldn’t be comfortable. If it’s an error he can explain that to her. I had a male cleaner who messaged me but put another lady name saying did I want my usual special massage after my clean. I binned him off. I think it was a deliberate attempt to suggest other things on offer (he’d been sniffing around since I’d become single and was giving me the ick).

AthWat · 14/05/2025 19:56

Bumcake · 14/05/2025 19:53

Amazingly unlucky that it’s such a filthy one then isn’t it?

Show quote history

So your contention is although all other messages can be sent in error, filthy ones can't be?

Of course it's unlucky it's a filthy one. If it was "Tell John I don't want that new exhaust fitting after all", we wouldn't be talking about it.

bluebunnyjacket · 14/05/2025 19:56

I cannot believe some of the responses on here. Say you won't be cleaning there anymore, block, return key and send to partner. Do not put yourself in a position where he will be inappropriate to you in person or over message again.

Original poster
LemonLass · 14/05/2025 19:57

I was jitterbugging about being in the property with the boiler guy alone but the text message has my head spinning.

If intentional, urgh. Block/key back - but tell his OH why

If unintentional (and sure he could claim that if I sent the screenshot to OH), then not sure I would feel OK working there if he was home. I have a key and he said he is "mostly at work" on the day I clean each fortnight.

OP posts:
historyismything82 · 14/05/2025 19:57

What a dirty old git.

Block and never return again.

MathsMagpie · 14/05/2025 19:58

I can’t believe people are questioning why you’d send it to his partner! If I were you I’d want absolutely no contact with him again or to put myself in an position where he could weasel his way out of it and it’s only fair that she has a true reason for your sudden quitting than him making up some tosh.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 19:59

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 19:57

I was jitterbugging about being in the property with the boiler guy alone but the text message has my head spinning.

If intentional, urgh. Block/key back - but tell his OH why

If unintentional (and sure he could claim that if I sent the screenshot to OH), then not sure I would feel OK working there if he was home. I have a key and he said he is "mostly at work" on the day I clean each fortnight.

If your position is that even if unintentional you'd rather not work for him, that is of course entirely your decision and your prerogative.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 14/05/2025 19:59

Send it to his partner and say she can collect the key from you when she gets the chance but you wont be returning. 13/ph is very reasonable where I live anyway, Im sure you can easily replace this old creep.

TheShyMumX · 14/05/2025 19:59

Personally I would not reply to his message and also not attend for cleaning and see which of the following happens

  1. accident - If it was an accident and you don’t turn up to clean and he goes to text again to see where you are he will see his mistake and apologise profusely and be embarrassed
  2. accident - he’s so embarrassed by it he’s hoping you will ignore it and will be glad to never see you again
  3. he’s a creep - if you don’t turn up he will send another creepy text in which case you’ll know it’s on purpose and meant for you at which point call him out/let his partner know
  4. he’s a creep but not a pushy one - he will get the message (or lack of) and not bother you again
tipsyraven · 14/05/2025 19:59

GroovyChick87 · 14/05/2025 19:06

It was meant for you. He's testing the waters to see what you say and enjoying giving you a little shock. But if you ask him about it he'll pretend it was a mistake and meant for someone else. I wouldn't be cleaning for him again, sounds like he can't control his actions.

I disagree and think it was sent in error. Not nice to receive but in OP’s shoes I’d message back saying I think you sent this to me by mistake. Embarrassing but not the end of the world.

chachahide · 14/05/2025 20:00

if he’s done it in error then why hasn’t he said something? Deleted it?

It reads like it’s meant for the op as well.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 14/05/2025 20:01

Of course it wasnt an error dont be so naïve! If it was he would have immediately apologised and explained.

Fangisnotacoward · 14/05/2025 20:01

Eww, that's gross. I hope that was meant for his partner and hopefully he's at home wishing the ground would swallow him up feeling absolutely mortified.

The tone is very different to hus previous messages.

Either way, I'm not sure if I could carry on cleaning for him. Even if an accident I'd never be able to look at him the same way again!

Barney16 · 14/05/2025 20:01

That must be for his partner surely.

AthWat · 14/05/2025 20:01

chachahide · 14/05/2025 20:00

if he’s done it in error then why hasn’t he said something? Deleted it?

It reads like it’s meant for the op as well.

How on earth do you think it reads like it's meant for the OP?

Treewasps · 14/05/2025 20:02

AthWat · 14/05/2025 19:53

You've never sent a message to the wrong recipient then? Or heard of anyone doing it?

If you accept messages can be sent to the wrong recipient, then you accept messages like this can be. Sitting there saying "it never happens and it must be deliberate" simply flies in the face of reality. Of course it could be an accident. You don't know any more than anyone else whether it was.

Show quote history

I have. We all have so most of us check, especially if we’re sending something we wouldn’t want someone other than the intended recipient to see.
As I have posted before, some men do this sort of thing quite deliberately. They get off on it. It’s a form of exhibitionism

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2025 20:02

Like PP, I think it was sent in error and intended for someone else.

The reason there hasn't been a follow up apology could be because he doesn't realise his mistake as yet?

SparklyGlitterballs · 14/05/2025 20:02

If you're not prepared to enquire if it was meant for you then just end the service now. Block him and let his partner know you won't be going back due to his vile message. Up to you whether you share it with her or not.

financialmuddle · 14/05/2025 20:02

StepAwayFromGoogling · 14/05/2025 19:43

He sent the message less than an hour ago then? My guess is he's wondering why his girlfriend hasn't got back to him. And he'll realise soon and die of embarassment. I'd be amazed if that was meant for you - it is so out of canter with the rest of the messages - no lead up with flirting or innuendo or anything.

Oh you sweet summer child...

Musicalmistress · 14/05/2025 20:03

Totally inappropriate and if it was sent to you in error why has he not sent you an extremely apologetic message explaining?
I agree that messaging to ask if it was sent to you by mistake just opens the door to an ‘oops my bad’ and is why so many men think they can get away with this shit.
I wouldn’t send it to his partner, yet, but would send a polite message saying something along the lines of - This is completely unacceptable and I no longer feel comfortable cleaning for you. I will drop your key through the letterbox at X time and do not wish to have any further discussions. Please do not contact me again.

FinallyMummy · 14/05/2025 20:03

I think he was having 2 chats at the same time - one with you and one presumably with his partner and he’s accidentally sent that message to you.
I’d guess he’s either spotted the mistake and is mortified and trying to work out what to say to you or, more likely, he’s closed the chat with you and forgotten about it, not realising the message was sent to you.

In your shoes I’d be sending an “I don’t think this is for me” message and at least giving him the chance to say “oh god, so sorry” rather than assuming he’s a perv, and I say this as someone who’s dealt with their fair share of creepy inappropriate men (mostly partners of people I provided care to as a home carer 🤢)

AthWat · 14/05/2025 20:04

Treewasps · 14/05/2025 20:02

I have. We all have so most of us check, especially if we’re sending something we wouldn’t want someone other than the intended recipient to see.
As I have posted before, some men do this sort of thing quite deliberately. They get off on it. It’s a form of exhibitionism

Show quote history

And although you check, you have. I'm not saying this was an accident. I don't know. The person I am responding to is 100% positive it couldn't be an accident. Are you?

financialmuddle · 14/05/2025 20:04

ButterCrackers · 14/05/2025 19:33

Posters are writing that the conversation should be sent to his partner - I imagine that the partner would go ballistic - life wrecking consequences

Show quote history

About an innocent sent in error? Hardly.