HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

Oh for goodness sake OP, you received the wrong text, no big deal. And fyi older people don't sit and check their phones every two seconds to see if there's a reply. If you don't want to go back don't.

So OP, time to block him wouldn't you say?

The point is we don't know. And we don't know if it was part of a conversation and not a standalone question. My view is that the OP has not had any feeling of unease with this man. He's always made a point to not be there when she arrives, the first part of the conversation seems entirely incongruent with an out of the blue last message. Suggesting the possibility that the message may not have been not meant for her seem to be policed by so many. Do you know what's normal for this particular man and his friend?

Really?

Yes, i messaged to say text was distressing also the text he sent would not be sent to mate as banter (asking mate if horny?!)

Told him wont clean for him and why and he asks for "another chance"?

I think I have said everything calmly, clearly and given reason. Block is right. Thanks.

Classic old dirty bastard

I am not playing any odds. I'm merely suggesting that it might not be meant for her. If you think this means favouring the man, that's your perogative.

And I never suggested that she worry about his feelings. I also stated repeatedly that she must do what she feels is right.

This level of policing anyone who even suggests an alternative point of view on an AIBU thread is madness.

I don’t understand. Do people on Mumsnet not know the purpose of notifications? Do you seriously go opening up past conversations checking for replies every hour? That’s such a dimwitted waste of time.

I’m not saying he’s definitely innocent. I’m saying the certainty that he did it on purpose is unfounded. Of course, given the track record of the male species, and given that professional lines have been crossed, I would certainly quit and report. But I just find mumsnet logic very silly, faulty and hysterical

I don’t think anyone, regardless of age, goes into past conversations checking for non-replies surely. It’s 2025 and most people know a notification will come in when a reply comes in. However, it appears the people of mumsnet are more severely technologically handicapped than the vast majority of the population.

Even if it was a genuine mistake and meant for his mate, OP is still entitled to decide she now feels creeped out and uncomfortable cleaning for him. That’s the benefit of self employment.

I imagine the GF may be having some interesting conversations with her BF right now. Maybe he will manage to prove to her (the GF) that it was all banter with his mate. Then maybe she will come back to OP with said proof and grovel and ask OP to reconsider. Still, it will be entirely up to OP to decide.

Hold the front page. 70yo still has a libido. Has friends. Sends them texts.

The way the extra text is written fits much more with a text to a mate than to an employee.

But man is wrong. A pervert. A sexual harasser. Because - he's a man.

MN misandry at its finest.

Some people do not seem to have understood the concept of a rhetorical question. It seems to me more likely he sent it by mistake and didn’t look at his phone again. There are many reasons not to be glued to it.

His having mis-sent it, though, is a monumental cock-up. Whether deliberate or accidental, it’s abuse, harassment, unlawful and deeply disturbing. He has no right to any sympathy or excuse, or for his professional standing and relationship not to be affected.

I have a feeling the op has rumbled the dirty sod's affair if it wasn't intended for OP. No way is it "banter" between mates 🤦‍♂️

Actually I feel pretty gaslit myself. I’ve sent out wrong texts more than once and not realised for ages (even months), and now all these people are insisting I must have done it on purpose. 😂

As I said, definitely quit, definitely report him if possible – these are the consequences of his actions, whether on purpose or not (and very probably on purpose given the prevalence of dirty old men).

But just logic wise I think it reflects very poorly on a load of women not knowing how people use phones in the 21st century - notifications exist, nobody goes manually opening up old conversations on an hourly basis. Come on. You guys are not that technologically clueless and inept. It gives women a bad name, to rely on such faulty and hysterical logic.

The mere suggestion that a text may have been sent to the wrong person is unsupportive and encouraging male sexual predation? How dramatic can you get?

Perhaps refresh your reading of OP's first post? The OP has asked for advice and comments. She herself thought that the message might be in errror.

And here you are saying that we shouldn't even entertain the THOUGHT that it might be a mistake. Ridiculous. Where have I suggested that she needs to put up with it? You really are going off on a tangent.

That last screenshot is not even the same phone. If indeed it is a phone.

But but but...

You know, I’m pretty experienced in and passionate about this field. If a barrister for a client relied on the kind of shitty logic shown in this thread, I’d replace them in a heartbeat so my client would actually succeed in her sexual harassment claim.

Please note I have said upwards of 5x that he must face the consequences of his actions. The only issue I have is the poor logic employed by many users, including OP.

Even if you accept this man's excuse that the message was meant for his friend, not the OP, this is not @LemonLass's fault or responsibility. The only person responsible is the sexting dentist. It is 100% his responsibility to ensure that, if he is going to sext, he sends the message to the right person.

In any case, I do not think this was accidentally sent to the OP at all. I think that is just the excuse that this man is using, to try to backtrack after deliberately sending a sexually harassing text to the OP, and she has every right to object to this, to stop working for this man, and to let his girlfriend (who asked her to clean for this man) know why she is stopping working for him.

How would you know that though?

If his mate was saying his partner was away for work for a month or had stopped wanting sex and the man you cleaned for replied with “Are you horny?” then said how he would be feeling - how is that not even possible??

It sounds pretty likely given the change in tone and he’s admitted it wasn’t for his gf. It doesn’t even sound like it was meant to chat someone else up. Far more likely he’s telling the truth. Just bc he’s a man and mentioned sex doesn’t automatically make him a sexual pervert FGS. If we assume he didn’t intentionally send it to OP, it wasn’t a sexual assault or sexual harassment as there has to be intent. Believe it or not a lot of women write about sexual matters to their friends via text and mistakes happen. I sent the wrong message yesterday to my parents but luckily it wasn’t anything embarrassing.

There’s a lot of men-haters on here and women wanting to crucify anyone willing to point out OP’s assumption may be wrong.

Jesus Christ, calm down. This is an AIBU thread on MN, we were asked for our opinions, and we provided them.

Calling us pathetic is unreasonable and I’m reporting your post.

My notifications are usually off or i would never get any peace

I don’t think ppl are absolving bc it’s not been proven or is undeniable that he wanted to distress OP with an unwanted sexual message. They are pointing out other scenarios. Innocent until proven guilty usually means nothing on Mumsnet when it concerns men.

Surely you must acknowledge you are in the minority (or at least reflect a 50/50 preference) and therefore the absolute certainty on here that he’s exactly like you is unfounded.

Thanks @Anthropologie
Due to poor red flag spotting skills, i asked for help from a range of other mums and got a range.

You say poor logic. I say he has text to say it wasnt for me or gf but "lads banter". Poor logic or a lie that you dont text your pal Dave and ask "are you horny?" unless you are 12 yo