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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
Naunet · 15/05/2025 10:34

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:32

Are you implying the world is only as you see it? It might be any number of situations, it might be a conversation already in progress. And contrary to what you believe, not everyone stays glued to the phone for a response. I certainly don't. If the conversation stops without a response, I assume something else came up and forget it. We are allowed to have a different view than yours I assume?

Show quote history

Yeah it's really normal for men to send messages like that to their mates for lads banter. Be a gullible, dick pandering idiot open your mind...

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:35

Naunet · 15/05/2025 10:19

If he sent it in error, like so many people are convinced, then his partner will recognise it as being meant for her, won't she? Amazing how people can claim it was clearly meant for his partner, but also that OP is wrecking their relationship by showing her the message. So basically women should be meek and compliant and never confront this kind of shit because poor menz. 🙄

Looks like all the INCELS descended on this thread - trying to twist and gaslight. I've seen this a lot on MN.

The OP knew her boundaries and called it all out. Well done.

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:36

Notsosure1 · 15/05/2025 10:33

Weirdly, I was going to suggest this may have been intended for a mate. I’ve subsequently read the “preposterous!!!” responses as ppl are determined that it was meant for you. I’ve just read his texts saying what I suspected and I believe it.

We don’t know what was said before in that conversation. It was probably along the lines of complaining that his gf losing her libido and him talking about it with a friend. Or his friend bringing it up to him and him sympathising. Him saying are you horny was either in response or him repeating what his friend had asked him - that would make more sense with what followed.

Show quote history

Desperate.

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:37

Naunet · 15/05/2025 10:34

Yeah it's really normal for men to send messages like that to their mates for lads banter. Be a gullible, dick pandering idiot open your mind...

Show quote history

How do we assume what's normal behaviour for someone or not? It might be entirely normal for some people. You can't speak for billions of people surely. What matters is what the OP feels about it, and her mind is made up. I don't know why posters who have their own opinions of what's "normal" and what fits their own world view want to impose it on others who examine if from another angle.

As for your insults, I'll take the "normal" view that people who resort to that level of behaviour have no argument.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 10:39

PiscesScot · 15/05/2025 10:32

i mean I can’t imagine how that conversation would have gone. Say the female partner had messaged alluding to something sexy….is what the guy sent back a good response?! That said, if I received his message from any man, of any age, in any context, my fanny would clamp shut so fast it would sound like a sonic boom so yeah, maybe I do just have trouble understanding why anyone would send it 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

That's because not everyone is like you.

It's a big old world with lots of people in it.

frillynix · 15/05/2025 10:40

FumbDucker · 15/05/2025 10:19

@Gustavo77 @frillynix @Anthropologie Where you at babez? You were all totally right, it was a mistake afterall - he was just texting to ask his friend if he was horny and letting him know about his marathon wank session!!

Gosh the rest of us should have listened to your wise words and put the pitch forks down…wE FeEL sO sILLy NOw…

You need to grow up. Never once did I say it was definitely an error or it definitely wasn’t. I said we can’t know. Agree his update is odd and paints things in a new light. I’m not arrogant enough to claim my opinion is god given fact, for that I deeply apologise.

I still think op is loving holding court with all of this though.

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:42

The amount of gaslighting of the OP on this thread is incredible.

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:44

nomas · 14/05/2025 22:21

That sleazy message was 💯 meant for you. Because you sent a nice text about the bike ride, he assumed he was in with a chance with you. This is how much in the gutter some men are.

Some of us knew from the beginning. We didn’t need his last message saying it was lad’s banter to be convinced.

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:44

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:42

The amount of gaslighting of the OP on this thread is incredible.

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

No. No one is saying any of that. All anyone is offering is that there is the possibility that the message may be been sent to the wrong person.

Your type of posts just needlessly inflames an already contentious thread.

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:45

frillynix · 15/05/2025 10:40

You need to grow up. Never once did I say it was definitely an error or it definitely wasn’t. I said we can’t know. Agree his update is odd and paints things in a new light. I’m not arrogant enough to claim my opinion is god given fact, for that I deeply apologise.

I still think op is loving holding court with all of this though.

Show quote history

Are you saying victims of sexual harassment love holding court? Shame on you.

meatyryvita · 15/05/2025 10:45

The amount of mental gymnastics going on here to excuse his message would be laughable if it wasn't so utterly depressing. It's no wonder men like this chance this kind of activity given that so many will go to such lengths to excuse them and paint the woman as hysterical.

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:45

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:44

No. No one is saying any of that. All anyone is offering is that there is the possibility that the message may be been sent to the wrong person.

Your type of posts just needlessly inflames an already contentious thread.

Show quote history

Actually, lots of people have said variations of that. Why are you in denial?

Why are you so invested in minimising this? What are you getting out of it?

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:48

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:45

Actually, lots of people have said variations of that. Why are you in denial?

Why are you so invested in minimising this? What are you getting out of it?

Show quote history

What's the post that has said the OP deserved it? I'm not invested in finding perpetrator or victim, but I am invested in allowing people to have a different point of view. The OP has posted in AIBU and apparenly according to posters like you, no one should express a view that you don't agree without an ulterior motive. That's laughable.

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:50

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:48

What's the post that has said the OP deserved it? I'm not invested in finding perpetrator or victim, but I am invested in allowing people to have a different point of view. The OP has posted in AIBU and apparenly according to posters like you, no one should express a view that you don't agree without an ulterior motive. That's laughable.

Edited
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At least one poster said the language OP used ‘razz’ invited that comment.

Basically implying OP asked for it.

It’s one thing to have a view, another to pile on the OP calling her names .

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:51

This has been a great thread to inform and support other women to not tolerate sexual harassment in its everyday forms. Well done OP.

Its also been great to smoke out the INCELS, apologists and minimisers of sexual harassment - we see you and we know and hear your gaslighting nonsense in everyday life.

frillynix · 15/05/2025 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:52

nomas · 15/05/2025 10:50

At least one poster said the language OP used ‘razz’ invited that comment.

Basically implying OP asked for it.

It’s one thing to have a view, another to pile on the OP calling her names .

Edited
Show quote history

I haven't called her any names nor told her that she shouldn't follow her instincts if that's what makes her comfortable, and nor do I agree that the example you gave translates to "asked for it". But then again, we differ in our views, but I'm not insulting you for it. I suggest we don't police each other's comments.

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But she is a victim of sexual harassment (in her workplace) - why is she not allowed to discuss it / hold court?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/05/2025 10:54

Razz is a very common term as in moving around quickly.
Back to the dirty dentist… do they have a sexting group chat? Lots of double entendres about fillings, rooting canals, I wouldn’t mind leaning you back in this chair?
Eek.
There is NO way he’s sent that message to Brian the orthodontist. No chance.
He’s got a side dish.
Also - he needs a gf to admin his life and a woman he needs to retain (pardon the pun) as a cleaner even if she does feel harassed.
God help the young, female dental assistants who are anywhere near him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2025 10:57

So was meant to be sent to male friend

not gf

not lover

not you

hmmmmmmm

surprised she hasn’t replied to you

Stepfordian · 15/05/2025 10:59

If I were you I’d block his number, you certainly don’t need to be in his house listening to his ‘explanation’ - if he’d been someone you’d worked for for years without issue I’d be more inclined to believe it was a mistake but if you've only been twice you have no relationship with him and the red flags are too many!

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:59

I would be reporting him - his profession puts him in a position of power in the workplace. He was happy to sexually harass you and use his power in your workplace. I suspect he may already have complaints against him - hence being a 'locum'.

C8H10N4O2 · 15/05/2025 11:00

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:37

How do we assume what's normal behaviour for someone or not? It might be entirely normal for some people. You can't speak for billions of people surely. What matters is what the OP feels about it, and her mind is made up. I don't know why posters who have their own opinions of what's "normal" and what fits their own world view want to impose it on others who examine if from another angle.

As for your insults, I'll take the "normal" view that people who resort to that level of behaviour have no argument.

Edited
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So let's play the odds.

Men carry out the 95+% of sexual harassment and assaults against women. The power dynamic in most cases favours the male as it does here.

Educated professional man sends a pervy message and only when called out on it claims it was “ladz banter”. This being a totally normal conversation between “ladz” apparently.

Its plainly going to be an uncomfortable place to work even if she returns.

Woman doesn’t need the job, is underpricing her work for most areas, there is no shortage of available clients.

Even if it was unintentional its not her job to look after his feelings.

Her job is to clean for clients who treat her with respect and she doesn’t need men who send pervy messages - intentionally or otherwise.

Abouttoblow · 15/05/2025 11:02

EasternEcho · 15/05/2025 10:32

Are you implying the world is only as you see it? It might be any number of situations, it might be a conversation already in progress. And contrary to what you believe, not everyone stays glued to the phone for a response. I certainly don't. If the conversation stops without a response, I assume something else came up and forget it. We are allowed to have a different view than yours I assume?

Show quote history

You genuinely think a 70 year old man asks his mate if he's feeling horny?

Really?

frillynix · 15/05/2025 11:03

Peonyyy · 15/05/2025 10:54

But she is a victim of sexual harassment (in her workplace) - why is she not allowed to discuss it / hold court?

Edited
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She is entitled to discuss what she wants and others are entitled to form opinions on it. But it seems only certain opinions are accepted on threads like this.

To be clear I think it’s absolutely right that she has quit, mistake or not it has made the whole work dynamic uncomfortable for her. I’ve said this throughout all of my posts. However all I and other posters have done is suggest another scenario in which that text might have been sent. Given the update it does seem unlikely but all of the gloating ‘ner ner you were wrong and we were right’ comments are pathetic.