HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

Well done @LemonLass whether message was intended for you or not, you always put your own safety first. No excuses could make you feel safe going to his house alone. When something feels off or somebody acts inappropriately you act on it. All the excuses in the world to explain or to minimise your gut feeling is ludicrous, your safety is more important than politeness.
Being polite, good mannered or being shamed that our instincts are ‘Over the top’ is often used against us, it’s a well known tactic to get us to lower our guard and be a victim.
Messaging his GF, telling her he messaged you inappropriately and you won’t be continuing your services for him is a polite and no nonsense explanation. Well done x

There is no way it was laddish banter, who asks a mate if they’re horny?!

I bet he his girlfriends asked what the hells going on and he’s used that excuse with her so he’s had to use that excuse with you as well.

I've never messaged a mate 'are you horny?'

I guess he'll be doing a bit less masturbating and a bit more scrubbing now.

I'm shocked at some of these responses! "Poor old confused innocent man, what a nasty OP for ruining his loving relationship"

@LemonLass , I think you 100% did the right thing. I wouldn't feel comfortable continuing cleaning for him either.

You might not be the first cleaner to leave and this might be the puzzle piece she needs to understand why all his previous cleaners have quit and why he is asking her to arrange the replacements!

Did the gf reply?

Asking a laddish mate if he was horny - pull the other one, it’s got bells on.

I bet the partner Has Words with him. If I’d set up an acquaintance to clean, I’d be absolutely furious with my partner for behaving like that - even if I believed it was “a mistake.”

No man messages his friend ‘are you horny?’ What a shit excuse from Dr Dick-lube!

He’ll have heard from his partner and is now attempting to clean up his sticky mess - bet his thinking is if he can get you to succumb to his apology it’ll bring his partner round too…

Whoa OP, just seen what he responded back!! "Laddish banter with a mate"? I call BS. Who the hell would message that sort of thing to a mate?

Exactly this, it obviously wasn't for gf!

A polite 'I'm sorry but this arrangement no longer works for me' and leave it at that.

Why are so many Mumsnetters feeling sorry for this sleazy old creep? Utterly bizarre.

@enigmainthemist thank you for making me see the light. I am actually laughing at the backtracking and now have a silly, gravelly voice in my imagination on the lines of Dental Guy texting his mate for banter.

"Y'all right, Darren. Horny?" and proceeding having a marathon w@nk off

OMG. Right to call the cleaning off for this liar and predator. He has confirmed it wasnt intended for his GF (and i have had no word of his GF)

Exactly - hahaha! he must think both the OP and his girlfriend are complete idiots to believe this crock of shit.

Noone messages their laddy mates "are you horny"? This message was for the OP and now the GF knows, he's had to make up this "I sent it to a mate" BS.

What a fucking liar.

@LemonLass

Its kind of funny in a way (obviously sexual harassment is NOT funny) but the idea of him saying to Dave:

"So er, Dave, what are you wearing right now?"

"Oh, joggers and a vest?- what fabric are they made of?"
"Polyester you say?- how do they feel on your body?"

LOLOLOL

'I don't want to lose you' is also creepy AF. Total predator.

The working relationship has broken down beyond repair now - I wouldn't want to set foot in the house of someone who discussing wank sessions with his mates and then talks about not wanting to lose me!!

The apology looks entirely appropriate to me. I’m not sure what you see wrong with the “ don’t want to lose you.”

He means not lose the cleaning services.

I can see why you don’t want to go back. I wouldn’t like having seen behind the curtain as it were. But I do think you are jumping too heavily to the conclusion is all aimed at you.

If this were the last ever comment, I will be lolololling into the sunset.

Life lesson ladies. Trust your gut. Call it out x

If he sent it in error, like so many people are convinced, then his partner will recognise it as being meant for her, won't she? Amazing how people can claim it was clearly meant for his partner, but also that OP is wrecking their relationship by showing her the message. So basically women should be meek and compliant and never confront this kind of shit because poor menz. 🙄

@Gustavo77 @frillynix @Anthropologie Where you at babez? You were all totally right, it was a mistake afterall - he was just texting to ask his friend if he was horny and letting him know about his marathon wank session!!

Gosh the rest of us should have listened to your wise words and put the pitch forks down…wE FeEL sO sILLy NOw…

Good call Lemonlass. Well done, you don't need that shit.
So not only is he a wanker, he's a lying wanker.

Put your price up as you are undercharging. Good cleaners are worth their weight in gold. Best of luck!

Once the mind is made up that the intent was to send it to you then everything this man says will be interpreted in the same light. If he had said "It's best that you don't come again", that would have been taken as a sign of guilt too. So it's best that OP just moves on.

100% reasonable, @LemonLass!

And @EdithBond was right too, when she said:

"Well said. In response to a really patronising message.
Most reasonable people want, and would’ve done, exactly the same thing. As for the ‘drama’ point. You’ve experienced sexual harassment from a new employer, whether it was intended or not. It’s shocking and unsettling. You were then faced having to quit a job you need and explain to your friend why you’ve quit so quickly.

Of course you’ve turned to other women for support on this forum. Hardly ‘drama’. What’s this forum for, if not for situations where women face sexual harassment at work?"

Yeah I think I'm in the "not a mistake" camp now. Some guys do have weirdly sexual laddish banter with their mates but surely it would be "god I'm horny" not "are you horny", unless he and Dave are having a secret affair.

He is now saying thes message wasnt for me or gf, it was for lads banter?

"Alright Daz? You horny mate?"
And then puts phone away.

All normal in what world?

Are you implying the world is only as you see it? It might be any number of situations, it might be a conversation already in progress. And contrary to what you believe, not everyone stays glued to the phone for a response. I certainly don't. If the conversation stops without a response, I assume something else came up and forget it. We are allowed to have a different view than yours I assume?

i mean I can’t imagine how that conversation would have gone. Say the female partner had messaged alluding to something sexy….is what the guy sent back a good response?! That said, if I received his message from any man, of any age, in any context, my fanny would clamp shut so fast it would sound like a sonic boom so yeah, maybe I do just have trouble understanding why anyone would send it 🤷‍♀️

Weirdly, I was going to suggest this may have been intended for a mate. I’ve subsequently read the “preposterous!!!” responses as ppl are determined that it was meant for you. I’ve just read his texts saying what I suspected and I believe it.

We don’t know what was said before in that conversation. It was probably along the lines of complaining that his gf losing her libido and him talking about it with a friend. Or his friend bringing it up to him and him sympathising. Him saying are you horny was either in response or him repeating what his friend had asked him - that would make more sense with what followed.