HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I’m not going to argue about whether op was right to feel creeped out. I can fully understand that she might.

But I’m not sure you are correct in saying he has categorically harassed her even if unintentionally. If you look at the statutory wording, it’s an intentional act.

Wouldn't someone's phone alert you to an incoming message? I don't keep checking my phone for a response. I have messaged the wrong person and didn't realize it until days later. I message, even with a question and move on, and if I'm not alerted to a response I assume the person is busy or hasn't seen the message yet. That being said, do what feels comfortable to you. But personally, I wouldn't jump to hang and quarter him based on one message that doesn't flow from his typical messages to you, and also he leaves the home when you are there and there's no prior inappropriate behaviour at all.

I was wondering if you got a follow up text apologising profusely.

If not I wouldn’t clean for him, that’s a big leap across boundaries and I’d be concerned for my personal safety - especially owing to the nature of your work and being alone in an enclosed environment.

I'm curious about the partner. How did you get in touch to set this up? Have you ever met her?
Either she knows what he's like, or she didn't know and has to work things out for herself, or.... does she actually exist?

What? If that message was sent in error as I think it probably was, then the conversation was finished as far as he knew. Do you go back and check on conversations you’ve finished?

OP didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself, just came here and whipped herself up into a frenzy about it when a simple text would have sufficed, allowing him to realise his mistake, backtrack or double down, depending on his intention. Also the fact that she texted that to his gf, implying he was sexually harassing her when potentially that message might have been meant for his gf is just crazy

OK say he has a 'fuck buddy' who their whole conversation is filthy texts throughout the day, he gets up sends a rude message, she's at work till midday. Sends him one back on her dinner, filthy video at night then it's absolutely viable that he isn't sitting waiting for their response.
I'm not that sexual so wouldn't do this (have in the past) but there's a hell of a lot of people who do this kind of things all the time and it's completely normal to them.
Just try and think out the box a bit, maybe he meant it for you but maybe he didn't, I wouldn't think he meant it for you.

Well done OP. I have no idea why people are making excuses for this man - I think it's quite clear that he was testing the water with his explicit message.

You are not hand-wringing, you are not overreacting - these are things that we are told when we get concerned about or stand up to harassment, "it wasn't meant for you", "it was just a joke", "you're overreacting" - it's clearly far too ingrained in some of the posters on here that we should accept harassment.

No, according to the law.

Women are protected from sexual harassment at work: https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment.

The friend who hired her should be made aware, as he may sexually harass (either intentionally or unintentionally) other women they employ to work alone in his home.

When the Greg Wallace allegations surfaced, many women said they’d been reluctant to call him out (concerned about losing employment or being seen as causing drama, trouble etc). Consequently, the alleged sexual harassment persisted with more women.

I think the gf reply as and when will be interesting. If she is - omg. We were texting at that time. Meant for me. So sorry you got that

or

wow I can’t believe he sent that - so sorry - understand why you can’t clean

or a third

I still say a possibly a mistake and he didn’t reply saying sorry till he saw your reply and reliesed what happened

but I’m not the one cleaning

so if you don’t feel safe /happy there. That’s your call 💐

I do think wait for gf reply

^this !!!

Why must I think outside the box to come up with a plausible explaination for his SEXTING?

Yes exactly. That and the lack of any immediate “shit, sorry, wrong person” would have me sending the keys back. @gamerchick upthread is spot on, you will never feel comfortable there now. If in the SE you don’t charge enough and pretty much everywhere the shortage is reliable cleaners, not clients.

Over 700 posts mostly hand wringing over misjudging the poor man who may have made a mistake. A man who sent a pervy message, didn’t withdraw it or care enough to check the recipient isn’t someone whose home I’d want to work in either. Plenty more clients in the sea.

Because he was probably sexting someone else!!! That's what everyone is saying, it's probably not for you!

If he genuinely sent the message in error and it was meant for his girlfriend then yes, he absolutely would have checked his phone for a response from her to his question "are you horny" and its that point he should have apologised to the OP for sending it to her.

But he didnt. So no, I dont believe for one second he was asking his girlfriend if she felt horny and then ignored his phone completely until the next day.

He needs to be very careful whom he is sending messages about wanking to as well- he has children and grandchildren.

I don’t understand why posters are so insistent its an accident when he would clearly have been able to see the messages above whilst texting, you would expect him to notice that it wasn’t a text thread with his partner. I understand accidentally sending a photo when you’re just selecting and sending, but he must have seen that. What’s the time difference between those two last messages @LemonLass ?

And I think if this was a 40 year old man with three kids posters would be jumping on the OP to tell his wife what a sleeze he is, it’s only because he’s older that people are excusing it as an accident.

Really don’t think the final message was meant for you Op, the conversation between you both is quite polite , as you’d expect.
You are right to quit this job if you feel uncomfortable though.
People don’t always reply to messages so it might well have gone unnoticed.

Latest message. You decide. Click on image. He followed texts by "i dont want to lose you?" Which is a bit weird.

I think banter with mates may be cover as obvs wasnt sexting gf

I wont be going to clean btw

If you are a good cleaner then you will find other clients.

Life is too short to work for a person who creeps you out.

Laddish banter with a mate is even more ridiculous - who texts their mate Dave "do you feel horny?"

😂😂😂

It wasnt meant for the girlfriend clearly. It was meant for you and he's now scrambling to cover it up

Exactly. Weird mate!

‘Banter with a mate’ nah! That was meant for you. You don’t send that to a mate for a bit of banter 😂

The only explanation I would have accepted was if it was intended to sext another person, then he went back to check for a response and saw he didn’t end up texting them / something went wrong and message didn’t send and didn’t think to check other threads of messages. His response just confirms there was no error and he’s a bad liar!

Well done for keeping for your boundaries and not putting up for this!! I think what he did was intentional and he was maybe chancing things. Had this been a genuine mistake, he surely would have - within a very short while - sent a message apologising profusely and explaining the rude message was meant for his GF.

Years ago, one of my closest friends and I were messaging before we started at our different workplaces. I switched my phone off, and started my shift. At tea break, I checked my phone. Had loads of texts and missed calls from her!! She'd sent (just before she started work) a massive long X-rated text that was clearly meant for her boyfriend. Within a minute of that first text, there were LOADS texts from her apologising (she was mortified) and saying it was for her boyfriend and not me. Plus had a voicemail from her apologising....and a message from her boyfriend (I knew him as a friend) also apologising on her behalf!

So you'd be happy for your husband to message a woman asking if she was horny and talking about using lube to masturbate?

If a man did that where I work, they'd be sacked on the spot.

Isn’t it all irrelevant now op. You’ve said you’re not working for him. You’ve made your conclusions. Just draw a line under it. Mistake or not you feel uncomfortable and that’s understandable. Why you are dragging it on?

Good responses from you, OP, and his suggestion suggests the creep really doesn’t get it, plus he thinks you’re an idiot. As a pp said, straight men are not given to laddish bantz where they enquire after one another’s horniness and imply it’s the thought of Dave’s luscious bod that made them get out the lube.

More seriously, someone appalled by their own genuine error would apologise profoundly and accept without question someone declining to work for them again. Him trying to wheedle you back to his house looks like he doesn’t understand ‘No’.