HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

To be honest I read that as a wrong person text as it was so completely out of context to everything you were saying. I text the wrong person all the time. I’m really bad for it. I don’t notice either until the person I texted responds asking what I’m going on about or until I go to message that person and realise a few weeks ago I sent them utter waffle meant for someone else.

But I would also quit because I’d feel like this has just made things awkward and I would always have a little doubt in my mind.

Good grief, there are some ridiculously naive people in this thread.

He sent a sext asking if she "was horny?", talked about lube, porn, and masturbating and then what?- supposedly, put his phone completely away for a further 12 hours and didnt look at it even once after that- LMFAO riiiight.

You dont ask someone if they're horny and then never look at your phone again. He looked at it because he was waiting for a response - therefore he KNEW he sent it to the OP and he didnt apologise. This was 100% deliberate and he was trying his luck. I've known plenty of men who have done this completely out of the blue - they do it because they enjoy shocking women (much like flashers) and they are testing your boundaries to see if you'll be worn down easily to their advances.

Its happened to me, its happened to my friends, its happened to women I know at work. Yes, messages can of course be sent in error but if you are sending explicit messages that reference you wanking off then yes, you have a responsibility to check that you are sending them to the right bloody contact.

100% deliberate. If it was truly an accident and meant for his GF then him and his girlfriend would be laughing about it now - the deathly silence from her is even more evidence that he is a colossal perv.

Oh I love mumsnet!
When you express your opinion on a thread about a man that doesn't suit some people's narrative , you are:

Male apologist
Andrew Tate/any other misogynist supporter.
Victim blaming.
Unsupportive towards women.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Totally agree, she needs to quit and/or report him because those are the consequences of his actions, intent immaterial (unless we’re talking mens rea for a harassment lawsuit or something but I just mean in terms of OP’s next actions).

However intent wise I just find the absolute certainty on this thread that it was on purpose / a conspiracy off putting. I’ve sent out wrong texts more than once and not realised for ages.

1000% 🤣

I mean the jump that I’m a Tate or Trump supporter is astounding. Also not really relevant to the thread.

I am going to come off this thread now, as it’s a bit much to keep stewing over this now. You’ve taken action, now time to disengage imo.

GF hired me. I will be a new and "no show" cleaner. I dont want him making excuses anout me being flakey. It is important for my business in a small town she knows why I will not continue to clean for him

It's a CRAZY thread! So much hate from what honestly seems like a cross over of rude convo with someone and message to his cleaner. If he was there infront of him they would be carving signs in his chest and setting him on fire!

Does no one ever Sext someone whilst telling their mum they will pick up shopping...I have!
Does no one ever send a message to someone meant for someone else and only realise when that person replies.. I have!

Agree completely.

It didn’t flow at all from the earlier texts. It was a different tone and smacked of being intended for someone whom he knew was going to “appreciate it.” 🤨

But if you feel uncomfortable op it’s fine to leave. I’d feel a bit grossed out by him too as it wasn’t an image I’d have enjoyed. But I don’t think you can categorically conclude he meant to harass you.

The perils of technology …

But there are messages and there is sexting. He wanted a reply to a question. Wouldnt a person check their phone for answer?

@Anthropologie Do you have an example you can give us from your vast mistaken text library, of an occasion you’ve sent a totally crude sexual message to the wrong person and not realised or checked for a response of the supposed recipient?

razzle was a British soft porn magazine. I absolutely think this was intended for you and you’ve absolutely done the right thing copying in his partner. If she’s aware of his behaviour to other women - fine - their business. If she’s not then she needs to be for her safety.

Have you sexually harassed employees?

I think you've done the right thing by messaging both people - you were hired as a professional and you've found yourself in an unprofessional environment. I hope you get new work quickly, OP.

Non sequitur

IF he sent it by accident, he should have apologised immediately.
IF his gf knew it was an accident, she should have also apologised as soon as she read your message.
His girlfriend has said nothing and what he replied is meaningless.
As far as I am aware if a man sends a woman a sext, he’s checking his phone for a reply. He knows he’s sent it to you and he’s left it there. He has left you to be upset by it, at the very least he could have apologised immediately.
Also there are MANY threads on here which suggest finding a good cleaner is impossible. As you are clearly good at what you do, you will find clients.
I have a feeling the gf is furious, and I have a suspicion he has form for being inappropriate.
The dirty dentist strikes again….

How I read it, it was like it wasn't meant for you as it was so left field. Casual nice chat and then BOOM ott sexting. I'm thinking the reason he hasn't said oh sorry that wasn't for you etc is because he thinks he's sent it to his gf and won't notice until she doesn't reply / he goes to text you again. If it was meant that's absolutely rank! Either way you now feel uncomfortable and that's a good enough reason to not clean for him anymore.

Wow OP you’ve made such a meal of this. He probably didn’t realise the text went to you, you could have just sent him a simple text asking him if it was a mistake. Instead you screenshotted the message and sent it to his girlfriend. Ridiculous.

All this handwringing over why he didn’t realise, apologise straight away etc 🙄if I’d finished a conversation with someone I wouldn’t be going back to check the last message I sent them..

That’s what he’s done. Whether it was intentional or not.

I do think the message was for you, it doesn’t read to me that it’s for someone he’s in a relationship with, it’s a fishing message.

Youre right not to go back, when you’re a lone worker in a private house you’re vulnerable and it’s best not to take any risks at.

Is £13 an hour enough if you’re self employed, surely after tax, NI and expenses it’s less than NMW?

Yes that does make sense. It's an unfortunate situation all round really but I guess you have to protect your own interests first and foremost. I have to say personally there's no way I'd sext someone and then not check for a reply, but the very divided view on this thread shows that it's not a 100% cut and dried situation. Still. Mistake or not he won't be doing that again I imagine...

By your judge and jury probably yes! I've said rude things to people at work and they have said them to me all in a lighthearted, funny, cheeky way.
But that's not the issue, there's a huge chance this wasn't meant for her, it was completely out of context to anything else and people message the wrong person by accident all the time.
Either way he hardly needs his career ended and relationship destroyed (he obviously does if he meant to send it to OP but I don't think he did)

if I’d finished a conversation with someone I wouldn’t be going back to check the last message I sent them.

It wasnt a finished conversation though- he literally asked if she was horny, so you think he asked that question then never once in the next 12 hours checked his phone?

LOL so naive

You’ve done the right thing. I completely agree, having sent a message like this, he was absolutely expecting a response. When he didn’t get one, I’m certain he’ll have looked and would have then realised he’d sent it to the wrong person if that was really the case. It’s a shame you’ve lost the wages, but I wouldn’t want to risk lone working around him if he ever chose not to go out whilst you cleaned. Your safety is far more important.

God there are some odd people on Mumsnet, such hypocrites! Bleat on endlessly about how you must never dare judge another woman or victim blame - plenty of both of those things on this thread!

Getting a text like that is really horrible - tbh I wouldn't want to get a message from some really hot bloke I was mad about! It's pretty grim. From some random older bloke you are cleaning for eergh!

I think you have done exactly the right thing, both ditching him as a client and explaining to both of them why you have done it.

As you say if the message was intended for the gf then no worries (although good luck to her!), if he was trying it on with you then he deserves the consequences!

But if you SEXTED someone it would be reasonable to check for a response (especially when you ask "are you horny?")