Page 28 | HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

LemonLass · 2025-05-14T17:52:39+00:00

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies. Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired. I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive. I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key). Then I received this message. Urgh. My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out). Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above). Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there. I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack. Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline). How awkward! PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 15/05/2025 09:20

Late to the thread, but agree with @EdithBond, @LemonLass. I hope you manage to find a more suitable client to replace this one, rapidly.

Gustavo77 · 15/05/2025 09:20

You supposedly asked for advice but you'd clearly already made up your mind that you'd been harassed and were under threat. You wouldn't accept that it was very likely a mistake on his part so I'm not sure why you posted in the first place.

Anthropologie · 15/05/2025 09:21

PerkyGreenCat · 14/05/2025 19:07

When you send messages like that, you're waiting for a reply so he'd obviously notice if he'd sent it to you by accident. How would he accidentally tap your name, type the full message with your previous correspondence visible right above where he's typing the message and then press send without noticing he'd sent it to Jane instead of Sarah?

Nope!

Even if he's somehow sent it by accident, it's such a pervy message that it's his responsibility to at least send an apology message. It's not for you to give him the benefit of the doubt and start with the mental gymnastics trying to excuse or explain his behaviour.

Let his partner know what a dirty creep he is.

I have accidentally sent messages (non sexual ones) to the wrong person and genuinely not even realised till weeks later when I was checking for a reply.

I would still quit here though as you’d never be able to tell whether it was a genuine mistake or not. If it wasn’t a mistake I want out, and he can always get a different cleaning lady if it WAS a mistake. But just wanted to say your first para is wrong.

MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 09:21

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What an inflammatory response. 😂

Nope, I’m most certainly not a Trump or Tate supporter. Thank you for the assumptions you’ve made about me.

I just prefer to be more measured, than jumping the gun, but that’s me. I certainly do not stand for sexual harassment or abuse.

WWW3434 · 15/05/2025 09:21

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 09:02

No word back from gf

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Well if it was a mistake as so many 'vile men excusers' on this thread are saying ad nauseum, then I would expect the GF to text back "oh no, not again, he is forever sending messages by mistake to Claude/ John/Bill at the golf club"

Or is it only younger women he accidently sexts??? Quite the coincidence if so 🙄

frillynix · 15/05/2025 09:21

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 08:54

I have reported some of the posts attacking OP's decision to resign from a job where she has been sexually harassed and inform the person who introduced her to her employer why she has resigned. It is not appropriate to attack OP for protecting herself and also protecting other cleaners who will be going solo into a domestic environment and risking sexual harassment. OP has just had an unpleasant experience and had to lose her employment as a result.

You can’t report people who have a different opinion to you! I don’t think she’s wrong to resign, she feels uncomfortable whether it was an accident or not and that’s totally fine. However the people talking as if it is a closed case are simply wrong, nobody knows other than the man himself.

Op seems adamant that the message was meant for her. Again, fine. But others are suggesting other options and potential scenarios. Given the extent of her stewing and the nature of her responses I rather suspect she is enjoying the drama at this point. But again that’s just my opinion.

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 09:22

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 09:00

He replied it was a mistake. If she has unlawfully lost her job then yes she should take legal action on this matter. She won’t get far because it was a mistake - no doubt proof can be provided by his other conversation or the other person verifying. She also sent it to the man’s partner. If this man’s partner had a signed employment contract with the op then she is the employer and should be involved. If there’s no signed contract with the partner then she’s not the employer. The op can get advice at citizens advice. It all comes down to intent - did he intend to send this to the op? The answer is no. Why did she receive it - it was sent in error.

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To follow on, it doesn't all come down to intent.

The law makes it clear that whether or not there is intent is not solely determinative of whether or not something is found to be sexual harassment.

Some criminal offences do require intent as an essential element for the offence to be made out. Sexual harassment is not one of those.

To put that another way, legally speaking, someone doesn't have had to have meant the other person to feel uncomfortable for it to be harassment.

Important to understand that if anyone is planning on harassing anyone - saying you didn't mean it won't necessarily get you off the hook.

cloudydays2 · 15/05/2025 09:22

If the text was for his GF then surely they have been in touch since he sent so would see he never sent it to her. So either was for the OP and was going to use the excuse of it was for someone else to see her reaction or it was for an OW.

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 09:23

AthWat · 15/05/2025 08:58

Obviously not. To a partner. If you read what I am replying to it should be clear I am saying that the idea that if he'd meant to send it to his partner he must have noticed if he didn't get a reply is simply not accurate - it wouldn't necessarily be a very big deal at all.

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But the fact is that he sent it to someone who cleans his house. A client sent a sexually explicit text to his cleaner. It’s not her job to figure out his intentions.

It’s not, for example, outside the bounds of possibility that he fully intended to send it to his cleaner, but composed it so that he had grounds for plausible deniability if/when she queried it. I’ve certainly come across such behaviour before.

FumbDucker · 15/05/2025 09:23

So weird all the apologists on here, ignore them OP - I’m doubtful they’d feel the same if Dr Dick-Lube was Barry the local taxi driver or something, they seem so certain he couldn’t possibly be at fault here and this is why men like him continue to get away with pushing boundaries!

He knows what he’s done, it was premeditated and allowed for a plausible ‘whoopsie-daisies how embarrassing’ excuse if you didn’t respond in kind so well done for sending it to his partner, again if all innocent then there’s no issue is there…

Anthropologie · 15/05/2025 09:23

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:52

As lots of us have said-when he didn't get a response to his pervy text from whomever he was texting with, he would have realised his mistake. So why did he wait fir OP's reply before apologising.

It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship

Complain to whom? And if the text was meant for the girlfriend, then all will be fine. If not, then she will at least now know what a creep he is.

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How often do you check the conversation of a non reply? I don’t.

As I said I would quit anyway here to be on the safe side (I can always get another employer, he can always get another cleaning lady) but people are so confident in their totally wrong assumptions it’s mind boggling.

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 09:24

frillynix · 15/05/2025 09:21

You can’t report people who have a different opinion to you! I don’t think she’s wrong to resign, she feels uncomfortable whether it was an accident or not and that’s totally fine. However the people talking as if it is a closed case are simply wrong, nobody knows other than the man himself.

Op seems adamant that the message was meant for her. Again, fine. But others are suggesting other options and potential scenarios. Given the extent of her stewing and the nature of her responses I rather suspect she is enjoying the drama at this point. But again that’s just my opinion.

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It's not that they have a different opinion. They are attacking OP.

MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 09:24

frillynix · 15/05/2025 09:21

You can’t report people who have a different opinion to you! I don’t think she’s wrong to resign, she feels uncomfortable whether it was an accident or not and that’s totally fine. However the people talking as if it is a closed case are simply wrong, nobody knows other than the man himself.

Op seems adamant that the message was meant for her. Again, fine. But others are suggesting other options and potential scenarios. Given the extent of her stewing and the nature of her responses I rather suspect she is enjoying the drama at this point. But again that’s just my opinion.

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I don’t know if enjoying the drama is a very kind way to put it - sounds as though really affected her

MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 09:24

frillynix · 15/05/2025 09:21

You can’t report people who have a different opinion to you! I don’t think she’s wrong to resign, she feels uncomfortable whether it was an accident or not and that’s totally fine. However the people talking as if it is a closed case are simply wrong, nobody knows other than the man himself.

Op seems adamant that the message was meant for her. Again, fine. But others are suggesting other options and potential scenarios. Given the extent of her stewing and the nature of her responses I rather suspect she is enjoying the drama at this point. But again that’s just my opinion.

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I don’t know if enjoying the drama is a very kind way to put it - sounds as though really affected her

AthWat · 15/05/2025 09:24

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 09:23

But the fact is that he sent it to someone who cleans his house. A client sent a sexually explicit text to his cleaner. It’s not her job to figure out his intentions.

It’s not, for example, outside the bounds of possibility that he fully intended to send it to his cleaner, but composed it so that he had grounds for plausible deniability if/when she queried it. I’ve certainly come across such behaviour before.

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Yes, that is also a possibility.

WWW3434 · 15/05/2025 09:24

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PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 09:24

cloudydays2 · 15/05/2025 09:22

If the text was for his GF then surely they have been in touch since he sent so would see he never sent it to her. So either was for the OP and was going to use the excuse of it was for someone else to see her reaction or it was for an OW.

This.

Anthropologie · 15/05/2025 09:26

FumbDucker · 15/05/2025 09:23

So weird all the apologists on here, ignore them OP - I’m doubtful they’d feel the same if Dr Dick-Lube was Barry the local taxi driver or something, they seem so certain he couldn’t possibly be at fault here and this is why men like him continue to get away with pushing boundaries!

He knows what he’s done, it was premeditated and allowed for a plausible ‘whoopsie-daisies how embarrassing’ excuse if you didn’t respond in kind so well done for sending it to his partner, again if all innocent then there’s no issue is there…

I’d absolutely love to see you and all the other cocksure conspiracy theorists on this thread insist those wrong and embarrassing messages I sent out multiple times and didn’t realise till weeks later were on purpose. Insist it to my face and watch me laugh 😆 People make mistakes, that’s a fact.

As I’ve said thrice already I’d still assume malicious intention and quit here to be on the safe side, as unprofessional lines have already been crossed. But to act so ignorantly confident is just mindboggling to me lol

AlpacaMittens · 15/05/2025 09:26

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:39

@AthWat people are assuming and free to do that. We all are.

Fact - unsolicited sexual text from a client.

You don't fire off that kind of text (who texts?!) and not expect a reply from the recipient. It was a question (asking if I /recipient was horny)? They expected an answer from SOMEONE? 😄

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Precisely - unsolicited sexual text from client.

Imagine a situation where someone sends a similar message to an office colleague - would people be so quick to be like "ohh poor bloke will be mortified" (?!?) or would they say "report to HR, if innocent mistake he has nothing to worry about"

I have a feeling the bar for expected decent behaviour is very very low sadly because you're "just a cleaner". People tend to forget this is actual employment, it's not an informal relationship, it's a professional one, and certain standards need to be maintained. Jesus fucking Christ this thread.

TheAmusedQuail · 15/05/2025 09:26

SalfordQuays · 15/05/2025 09:09

Ah my mistake. To be honest I got through about 30 posts by OP saying what a dirty pervert he was and wringing her hands about what to do, I got rather bored. It seems it took her over 12 hours to do the most simple thing (ie reply to the text and question it), and she doesn’t believe him anyway. And the drama continues!!

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So bored you came back AGAIN to comment. 🙄🙄🙄

Clementine183 · 15/05/2025 09:27

Fair enough if you felt you didn't want to work for him after this (I wouldn't either even if I'd thought it was a mistake as it would be so awkward), and that you decided to call him out on it. It sounds like his response has made you even more sure that it wasn't a mistake so hopefully it's cleared it up and drawn a line under it for you. I do think it was a bit mean to message the girlfriend as it's not as simple as "if it was meant for her they can laugh about it" - he can't exactly prove it was meant for her, so she might still disbelieve him and (IF he did mean it for her) it could cause unnecessary drama in their relationship. But hey what's done is done, I hope she does respond to you and that there is no more drama.

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 09:27

AlpacaMittens · 15/05/2025 09:26

Precisely - unsolicited sexual text from client.

Imagine a situation where someone sends a similar message to an office colleague - would people be so quick to be like "ohh poor bloke will be mortified" (?!?) or would they say "report to HR, if innocent mistake he has nothing to worry about"

I have a feeling the bar for expected decent behaviour is very very low sadly because you're "just a cleaner". People tend to forget this is actual employment, it's not an informal relationship, it's a professional one, and certain standards need to be maintained. Jesus fucking Christ this thread.

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Exactly this. If this happened in an office it would be taken extremely seriously. People are doing OP a huge disservice and I also feel the responses are different because she is a cleaner. In fact if anything she needs to be more careful as she is more vulnerable going into houses alone.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 09:28

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 09:22

To follow on, it doesn't all come down to intent.

The law makes it clear that whether or not there is intent is not solely determinative of whether or not something is found to be sexual harassment.

Some criminal offences do require intent as an essential element for the offence to be made out. Sexual harassment is not one of those.

To put that another way, legally speaking, someone doesn't have had to have meant the other person to feel uncomfortable for it to be harassment.

Important to understand that if anyone is planning on harassing anyone - saying you didn't mean it won't necessarily get you off the hook.

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He should have evidence that proves it wasn’t for the op. This will be the other conversation. This will stand to show intent. It was not directed at the op. The op can take legal action but there will be proof it wasn’t for her. Things like “jokes”, physical contact that happen directly to the person but the perpetrator says no it wasn’t to cause distress are another matter. This doesn’t fit that situation.

slashlover · 15/05/2025 09:28

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:37

Universa1 cred1t will not be happy 😫

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Why do you write Universal Credit like this?

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/05/2025 09:30

Ok, it was a mistake and he apologised. There was no intent to send it so he was careless at best but premeditated sexual harassment? I guess a mistakenly sent text message is interpretaed as deliberate sexual harassment now.

Hope you feel better op fpr having left your job.