HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I want to be left to do my job and not be subjected to sexual questions.

I want to feel safe in someone's home doing my job.

I want to work and be paid for that work.

I want to protect my working reputation (and why screenshot to explain to gf why I will not clean for him any longer).

I hope you are clear on what I want now x

You were saying he could report her. What for?

OP, I am a bit concerned by your reaction if I’m honest, and I mean this gently… I’m by NO means apologising/sympathising on behalf of possible sexual harrassment or predatory behaviour, nor am I victim-blaming, but you’ve mentioned previous experiences. Do you think this might be an over reaction? You’ve messaged the chap, he’s apologised, whether it was intended for you or not, we don’t know, but just don’t work for him and move on…

Good for you OP.

You need to click on the photo to open the whole message

If more people reacted like this fewer people would get away with predatory behaviour.

I don’t know why you think “sent in error” is a big get out of jail free card. Who cares?

He sexually harassed his cleaner.

Whether he did it because he’s revolting predator or because he’s a moron who doesn’t look who he’s sexting is neither here nor there.

He still did it.

OP was right to quit and to inform the person who hired her why she did so.

I have 'cleaned it up'. I have text him telling him the message was creepy and sexual harassment.

I have messaged the gf who asked me to clean at her partner's home to advise why I will no longer clean (to protect work reputation - not just a flakey service but boundaries crossed).

If text was intended for gf, they can laugh about 'silly him'.

If it was intended for me, it is dealt with as I won't be cleaning there any longer.

No drama. I appreciate everyone's help -positive and negative comments.

Honestly OP if he is a qualified doctor and a locum I would report it to the general medical council. He has a standard of behaviour he should be upholding in the community and he is in a position of power over patients and employees. I can see many of the posters here will vehemently disagree with me. However there are many cases of people where their behaviour is noticed but nothing is done for years and vulnerable people are seriously affected. He may have patients he is making uncomfortable in the same way.

Ah my mistake. To be honest I got through about 30 posts by OP saying what a dirty pervert he was and wringing her hands about what to do, I got rather bored. It seems it took her over 12 hours to do the most simple thing (ie reply to the text and question it), and she doesn’t believe him anyway. And the drama continues!!

Totally agree with this, the whole thing has escalated from a message sent in error, which it obviously was, to sexual harassment, which it obviously wasn’t!
You do sound very dramatic OP.

random dick pic, it catches you unaware, it's meant to threaten and make you feel unsettled

Both are vile - but I think in the case of dick pics most men send them to women they fancy expecting them to be grateful/ impressed/ turned on - like they would be if they were sent unsolicited photos of breasts or vaginas. They project what they would feel onto women without a thought as to how we are likely to feel - bc ultimately they don’t care. I don’t think in most cases it’s meant to threaten and make us feel unsettled but that is how we feel.

Flashing, like the old anonymous heavy breathing phone calls is meant to get a negative reaction - altho there are presumably some weirdos who would think their victims would find this arousing as well - the world is a fucked up place - usually down to men.

Oh look, the cavalry has arrived. Many Ridiculous Apologists...

Thanks. There is no gun to your head to add to the 'drama' but here we are 😄

I have updated the thread with my actions. You don't like my actions or my timing. I don't have a problem with that.

My problem is dealt with after having input on what is reasonable and best for all in this situation. I have lost work. I am not happy. I did not ask for him to send a sleazy text. My mindset is not of victim, I am annoyed to be honest. I could have used the money and is why i clean as a side job
x

Me too!

I think it was intended for someone else op and he doesn’t realise he’s sent it to you.

Hope it wasn’t for the plumber…

Not saying he didn't do anything wrong but I remember when I was younger I was emailing my work friend about her new 'rabbit toy', it's when that episode of SATC came out about the rabbit vibrator and everyone was talking about it.
I accidently cc'd in the manager of another team by mistake.
I was mortified, they were both laughing their heads off at my bright red face.

I could absolutely been seen as sending sexually explicit messages and could of made the manager or my friend feel very uncomfortable but I am in no way a pervert, predator or anything else, just having a laugh about a new sex toy..sharp realised the work email wasn't the best place for that but I seen a lot worse on work email.

I find it crazy how different people view things differently, I would of messaged him back instantly giving him jip, I do feel this is a bit of an over exaggeration 🤷‍♀️

There’s the issue of intent. Did he intend to message the op with this text? No he has said it was a mistake. The op is shocked and emotionally troubled by this sent in error text. An apology should help her to resolve the issue. If the unintended text continues to disturb the op possibly due past sexual assault/ trauma she should get medical help.

He says, 'It was a mistake'.

To quote Mandy R-D, 'Well he would, wouldn't he'.

I hear you, and do agree to extent. But think life is not black & white and mistakes do happen… I certainly don’t wish to live in a world where every single thing is challenged. Would be exhausting but that’s my opinion.

Open mouthed at some of the posts on here. Why are so many women happy to excuse such contemptible behaviour from men?

Well done OP, you may have lost your job but you have absolutely done the right thing.

that was definitely meant for someone else - probably his partner. Its totally out of sync with the tone of the messages to you. I would ignore it. He's not going to apologise as he probably doesnt even realise he's done it. It is easily done if youre conducting more than one conversation at a time...

Well said. In response to a really patronising message.

Most reasonable people want, and would’ve done, exactly the same thing. As for the ‘drama’ point. You’ve experienced sexual harassment from a new employer, whether it was intended or not. It’s shocking and unsettling. You were then faced having to quit a job you need and explain to your friend why you’ve quit so quickly.

Of course you’ve turned to other women for support on this forum. Hardly ‘drama’. What’s this forum for, if not for situations where women face sexual harassment at work?

Thank you @EdithBond - I coudn't have put it better myself. Was after advice, not drama. Got both x