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Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
NetZeroZealot · 15/05/2025 08:42

FedupofArsenalgame · 15/05/2025 08:40

Do you know that he actually realizes he's sent it to you? Have you replied to him?

Show quote history

Why don’t you read the thread?

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:42

AthWat · 15/05/2025 08:40

And again, you've been told many, many times that if that's a standard sort of thing that he and his partner send to one another, no he wouldn't be sitting awaiting a reply. This is just about your, and a lot of people's, complete failure to accept that some people are very different from you and have every right to be. But everyone who says that, you ignore, and then just state again "he'd have noticed" despite being told over and over and over again that isn't necessarily the case.

Show quote history

@AthWat I understand what some posters are stating. I don't accept that you send a question and then don't check for a response.

That is when you would realise your 'mistake'. That is when you would apologise.

OP posts:
Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 08:43

FamBae · 15/05/2025 08:40

You did the right thing, it will be interesting to see his gf's reaction. She's the hirer she needs to know, the next cleaner may be more vulnerable.
I'm sorry this happened to you, it's a horrible situation to have to deal with.

Exactly this. Women going solo into this man's home are potentially vulnerable. Alerting his girlfriend that he sexually harasses the women she hires is 100% the ethical thing to do.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 08:44

MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 08:38

I agree with @frillynix . Very measured approach.
I don’t think it would be appropriate sending it to his partner - to me, that feels unreasonable and unprofessional, it’s none of her business, and I wouldn’t want to be involving myself in their relationship. The contract is between that and the customer, and the message was received from him. Just raise it, then act accordingly, and move on. Job done.

it is strange that he wouldn’t have noticed straight away if message was intended for someone else. Interesting that he replied straight away as well. But again, is this worth your time and energy anymore? Just send the key back, and focus your efforts on drumming up new work. Consider avoiding lone, male clients in future if you feel uncomfortable. You’ve also alluded to previously being gaslit. I’d feel inclined to stick to females, or families as future potential clients in order to prevent this situation again. You do need to protect yourself as a lone, female worker.

Edited

OP, would be unprofessional to send on a text sexually harrassing her to the person who actually hired her?
A dentist who can use methods to incapacitate patients when treating them for dental issues?

Are you having a laugh?

She can send that deeply offensive text to ANYONE she likes.

SHE is not the person being unprofessional.

Unbelievable victim shaming.

Member869894 · 15/05/2025 08:44

Mean of you to send it to his girlfriend. You dont know that it wasnt a mistake.

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:46

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:30

Nasty. Why send to his partner? Is she his boss? Answer is no. They are not married either. The message was a mistake. You know this. That’s the problem for you - you acted to cause disruption in his private life. His life is nothing to do with you. You could have just said that you weren’t working there anymore. I hope that your work is not cash in hand undeclared - if so get ready for some trouble.

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@ButterCrackers Universa1 Cred!t are aware of my self employment, all declared and above board so no worries about my situation apart from loss of earnings as don't feel safe 'joking not joking' or 'sorry' doesn't work when it only arrives after calling out the text sent.

Nobody said his gf is not his boss. His gf hired me. She gets to know why I will no longer be working for him. If the message was for her, he has no worries relationship-wise.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:47

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:46

@ButterCrackers Universa1 Cred!t are aware of my self employment, all declared and above board so no worries about my situation apart from loss of earnings as don't feel safe 'joking not joking' or 'sorry' doesn't work when it only arrives after calling out the text sent.

Nobody said his gf is not his boss. His gf hired me. She gets to know why I will no longer be working for him. If the message was for her, he has no worries relationship-wise.

Show quote history

I don't want a situation where he may tell his GF I was just flakey/no show

OP posts:
PiscesScot · 15/05/2025 08:47

I can’t imagine a scenario where it was intended for someone else. In what conversation would a man be asking a friend if they’re horny?! And it doesn’t make sense for a partner either in my opinion. It’s shocking to think he’s gone from normal to THAT but some men do! Testing the waters, getting a thrill from it 🤮. I’d send to his partner and drop the key back

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 08:48

Member869894 · 15/05/2025 08:44

Mean of you to send it to his girlfriend. You dont know that it wasnt a mistake.

It's not mean. It's ethical. Her employer sexually harassed her and she notified the person who found the employment for her. She is protecting the next solo female who works in that house alone. Everyone should be doing the same.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:48

Member869894 · 15/05/2025 08:44

Mean of you to send it to his girlfriend. You dont know that it wasnt a mistake.

If it was intended for his gf, he has no worries, surely?

It also explains that I am not flakey, just disgusted.

OP posts:
Clownsy · 15/05/2025 08:48

I wouldn't hesitate to put him on the local forces radar.

It was the receptionist who found the small camera and brought it to the police.

When he was charged several more patients came forward with what they had thought was inappropriate behaviour.

Happily married, well respected, family dentist for decades.

Treewasps · 15/05/2025 08:49

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 15/05/2025 07:48

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, all of the histrionics on this thread because an older adult male is still sexually active and accidentally sent a message to the cleaner that was very clearly meant for someone else.

The tone is very clearly and completely different in the last message in comparison to the previous messages. The first messages are business like and the last one is a jokey chatty tone you use with a friend or partner.

The notion that a man is automatically a pervert for still being a sexual being at 70+ is quite frankly an overreaction, if not outright actual ageism and sexism.

As for why he didn't immediately text to apologise for making a mistake, how often do people read their texts after sending if they've received no ding of response. I know I wouldn't notice if I sent to the wrong recipient. I might check the intended recipient's name after a couple of days of no response. I don't check what/who I sent to unless there seems to be an issue.

Be careful you don't leave yourself open to accusations of slander or libel if you're going to go around repeating your accusations to all and sundry. He appears to have a professional reputation to protect and may not be nice about you rubbishing it based on what is obviously an error.

  1. It’s not his age, it’s his actions that make him a creep
  2. It’s neither slander nor libel if it’s true
ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:49

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:46

@ButterCrackers Universa1 Cred!t are aware of my self employment, all declared and above board so no worries about my situation apart from loss of earnings as don't feel safe 'joking not joking' or 'sorry' doesn't work when it only arrives after calling out the text sent.

Nobody said his gf is not his boss. His gf hired me. She gets to know why I will no longer be working for him. If the message was for her, he has no worries relationship-wise.

Show quote history

That’s good you are ok for a check of earnings and benefits. Be ready for him to report you.

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 08:49

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 08:48

I wouldn't hesitate to put him on the local forces radar.

It was the receptionist who found the small camera and brought it to the police.

When he was charged several more patients came forward with what they had thought was inappropriate behaviour.

Happily married, well respected, family dentist for decades.

I agree. Often with people like this it is simply the tip of the iceberg. I would also mention it to the local forces as you may save someone else from something awful.

smileymylie25 · 15/05/2025 08:49

I would have just assumed straight away it was sent to me by mistake.

SipandClean · 15/05/2025 08:50

Pretty sure he was texting his gf at the same time. They are both probably mortified. It will be interesting to see what she replies.

Nolongera · 15/05/2025 08:50

90% certain that was meant for someone else, but the remaining 10% of doubt would be enough for me to walk away.

Hairydairyfair · 15/05/2025 08:51

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:49

That’s good you are ok for a check of earnings and benefits. Be ready for him to report you.

Show quote history

What would he be able to report OP for? Just aware that OP has been sexually harassed by this man and effectively been constructively dismissed by this behaviour so has had to lose her job this morning.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 08:51

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:42

@AthWat I understand what some posters are stating. I don't accept that you send a question and then don't check for a response.

That is when you would realise your 'mistake'. That is when you would apologise.

Show quote history

I know for a fact you are wrong not to accept this can happen. I've sent the wrong message to people, more important ones than this (although not of this nature) and not noticed Ive sent it to the wrong person until I return to that chat when the "wrong person" replies. If I've done it, it happens.

I mean I don't know if sending a message is a rarity for you but many people are sending hundreds every day to tens of different people.

DellaCou · 15/05/2025 08:52

Member869894 · 14/05/2025 18:57

Am I missing something? I don't see.anything wrong?

same

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:52

AthWat · 15/05/2025 08:51

I know for a fact you are wrong not to accept this can happen. I've sent the wrong message to people, more important ones than this (although not of this nature) and not noticed Ive sent it to the wrong person until I return to that chat when the "wrong person" replies. If I've done it, it happens.

I mean I don't know if sending a message is a rarity for you but many people are sending hundreds every day to tens of different people.

Show quote history

It wasnt a message. He was SEXTING

OP posts:
AthWat · 15/05/2025 08:52

PiscesScot · 15/05/2025 08:47

I can’t imagine a scenario where it was intended for someone else. In what conversation would a man be asking a friend if they’re horny?! And it doesn’t make sense for a partner either in my opinion. It’s shocking to think he’s gone from normal to THAT but some men do! Testing the waters, getting a thrill from it 🤮. I’d send to his partner and drop the key back

Honestly, if you can't imagine anyone talks to their partner like that, you really need to open your mind to how different a hell of a lot of people are from you.

MoistVonL · 15/05/2025 08:53

Dear god, @ButterCrackers , how low is your bar?

It’s not for the op to police his life.

The OP isn’t policing his life. She has nothing to do with his life.

She is quite sensibly deciding put herself at risk, alone in a house with a man who sent her an inappropriate sexual message.

She sent a screenshot of the sexually harassing message to the woman who hired her to explain why she would not be turning up this morning.

This, as a self employed person, is a reasonable and legitimate action.

If the pervert gentleman wants to send messages about wanking to his partner or mates, that’s his business. But that’s not what he did. He sent it to his cleaner.

Ultimately it is irrelevant whether he made a mistake or was chancing his arm. He made her uncomfortable. She resigned immediately and said why.

Good for her.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 08:53

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:49

That’s good you are ok for a check of earnings and benefits. Be ready for him to report you.

Show quote history

I really hope she reports HIM to his governing body and tells them she has also reported it to 101.