HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

You absolutely did the right thing OP. You would be working on your own in his home and he may have gone out on previous occasions, but you've no way of knowing he wouldn't be there in the future. He would know he'd got away with the inappropriate text and could very easily try to take things further.
Very different to working in an office with lots of other people there.

People aren’t making excuses. They’re offering an alternative explanation.

You seem to be quite convinced, certain in fact at how he could misinterpret a word you have never even heard of. Razz has no sexual connotations where I’m from - it’s used as the op intended.

Nasty. Why send to his partner? Is she his boss? Answer is no. They are not married either. The message was a mistake. You know this. That’s the problem for you - you acted to cause disruption in his private life. His life is nothing to do with you. You could have just said that you weren’t working there anymore. I hope that your work is not cash in hand undeclared - if so get ready for some trouble.

Exactly. Same with dick pics. Why do men think women will be overcome with desire when they send one? 🙄😒

Not necessarily, if he's secure in his relationship he could just assume his partner is sleeping or doing something else and not think too much about it, same as with any other message. He would be able to see she hadn't replied without going into the conversation.

I'm not saying I think it was definitely a mistake or that OP should go clean for him again. But I still think there's a good chance it was a mistake

Because the partner hired her. If it was a simple mistake and the message was intended for the partner then there’s no harm done is there?
But I think it’s far more like it was not and the man was trying to intimidate the cleaner or try his luck.

You said was he going for a razz on the bike - while a bit much it seems he was sarcastically responding to you saying that.

The man was paying himself for the cleaning if I read the op posts correctly.
if he was trying his luck with someone not his partner - the message to the op was a mistake so he wasn’t trying it on with her - then that’s his own business. It’s not for the op to police his life.

Yes, because that would have been when he realised. I don't know how many times people have to explain to you how it's extremely easy to understand how he wouldnt have noticed when he had no reason to look at that chat because you hadn't replied. You just ignore them all.

I don't know whether it was a mistake or deliberate, I just know all the people insisting it couldn't have been a mistake are wrong. You've been told why. But you're not interested.

He ruined his own relationship. HTH

No the op contacted the partner hth

Men really get excused the most disgusting shit on MN.
I often wonder what is the percentage of women, men, and male apologists posting on it.

OP, he is disgusting.
I absolutely believe it was deliberate.
I really wouldn't hesitate to report him to 101 for sexual harassment.
In your place I certainly wouldn't feel safe going into his home alone and would tell 101 that.

Not one chance is this his first rodeo.
I bet he has form and tries his luck all the time.

Thought you would tolerate it because you need the money.

He's a disgusting pig.

Fine that’s your take on it. Personally my opinion given the tone and context (and I can’t know for sure, nobody can) is that it was sent to you in error. But you’ve made your decision based on your own boundaries and what feels comfortable for you. No point stewing over it now or being ‘raging’ about it. You’ll never know for certain what the intentions are so just move on from it.

And I would argue that given some of the comments here it absolutely is his sexual behaviour in his own home that some posters are taking offence to. Everyone agrees that it was highly inappropriate and sleazy to send to you IF intentional.

I’d be applying the precautionary principle.
Even if it was a mistake - and I think it’s unlikely given the context - I wouldn’t take the risk of being wrong.

I agree with @frillynix . Very measured approach.
I don’t think it would be appropriate sending it to his partner - to me, that feels unreasonable and unprofessional, it’s none of her business, and I wouldn’t want to be involving myself in their relationship. The contract is between that and the customer, and the message was received from him. Just raise it, then act accordingly, and move on. Job done.

it is strange that he wouldn’t have noticed straight away if message was intended for someone else. Interesting that he replied straight away as well. But again, is this worth your time and energy anymore? Just send the key back, and focus your efforts on drumming up new work. Consider avoiding lone, male clients in future if you feel uncomfortable. You’ve also alluded to previously being gaslit. I’d feel inclined to stick to females, or families as future potential clients in order to prevent this situation again. You do need to protect yourself as a lone, female worker.

Good to keep yourself safe and don't end up doubting yourself down the line.

@AthWat people are assuming and free to do that. We all are.

Fact - unsolicited sexual text from a client.

You don't fire off that kind of text (who texts?!) and not expect a reply from the recipient. It was a question (asking if I /recipient was horny)? They expected an answer from SOMEONE? 😄

Well he needs to be more careful in future who he sends his grubby messages to. I wouldn't want to go back there again even if it was a mistake. I think he got off lightly.

And again, you've been told many, many times that if that's a standard sort of thing that he and his partner send to one another, no he wouldn't be sitting awaiting a reply. This is just about your, and a lot of people's, complete failure to accept that some people are very different from you and have every right to be. But everyone who says that, you ignore, and then just state again "he'd have noticed" despite being told over and over and over again that isn't necessarily the case.

Why in earth are you getting a hard time? He sent you an inappropriate message, after giving him ample time to discover and apologise for his ‘mistake’ you called it out and said you can’t work for him any more. Like hell as a lone worker would I go into that home not knowing if his message was deliberate or not. He probably was testing the waters to see if he could get away with it.

Do you know that he actually realizes he's sent it to you? Have you replied to him?

You did the right thing, it will be interesting to see his gf's reaction. She's the hirer she needs to know, the next cleaner may be more vulnerable.
I'm sorry this happened to you, it's a horrible situation to have to deal with.

Seen your updates @LemonLass.

You’ve done the right thing. You couldn’t have continued working there. Too risky. And if his long-term partner is your friend, you were right to tell her, to both explain your resignation and alert her to what he’s done.

My best guess is it wasn’t intended for you. He then realised what he’d done, feel mortified but, as you hadn’t replied, (stupidly) thought you may not notice and didn’t want to draw attention to it. If so, avoidant behaviour: a man who can’t be bold and take responsibility.

However, there’s no knowing. His modus operandi may well be to send such messages ‘accidentally’ to test the water of how women respond. Some women may be so shocked, they’d ignore it and still clean for him (perhaps out of desperation for the money). If he’s a sexual predator, he may then move to sexual harassment or assault in person.

That’s why you can’t risk it. His topless photo also rings alarm bells.

By not responding immediately, you gave him the opportunity to realise what he’d done, feel mortified if a mistake, then gather himself, take responsibility and profusely apologise. The fact he didn’t also rings alarm bells. Shows it was either intentional or he’s a very weak, irresponsible man.

Whatever the explanation, it’s his problem, not yours. You’ve acted exactly right.

Yes, of course you do, if it's the sort of thing you send one another every day.

Why can't you accept that?

Partners who talk all the time don't get stressed when unimportant messages don't get replied to.

It's not nasty. It was his partner who arranged for her to clean for him. Don't victim blame.