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Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
Rabidbunnyrabbit · 15/05/2025 07:48

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, all of the histrionics on this thread because an older adult male is still sexually active and accidentally sent a message to the cleaner that was very clearly meant for someone else.

The tone is very clearly and completely different in the last message in comparison to the previous messages. The first messages are business like and the last one is a jokey chatty tone you use with a friend or partner.

The notion that a man is automatically a pervert for still being a sexual being at 70+ is quite frankly an overreaction, if not outright actual ageism and sexism.

As for why he didn't immediately text to apologise for making a mistake, how often do people read their texts after sending if they've received no ding of response. I know I wouldn't notice if I sent to the wrong recipient. I might check the intended recipient's name after a couple of days of no response. I don't check what/who I sent to unless there seems to be an issue.

Be careful you don't leave yourself open to accusations of slander or libel if you're going to go around repeating your accusations to all and sundry. He appears to have a professional reputation to protect and may not be nice about you rubbishing it based on what is obviously an error.

historyismything82 · 15/05/2025 07:51

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 15/05/2025 07:48

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, all of the histrionics on this thread because an older adult male is still sexually active and accidentally sent a message to the cleaner that was very clearly meant for someone else.

The tone is very clearly and completely different in the last message in comparison to the previous messages. The first messages are business like and the last one is a jokey chatty tone you use with a friend or partner.

The notion that a man is automatically a pervert for still being a sexual being at 70+ is quite frankly an overreaction, if not outright actual ageism and sexism.

As for why he didn't immediately text to apologise for making a mistake, how often do people read their texts after sending if they've received no ding of response. I know I wouldn't notice if I sent to the wrong recipient. I might check the intended recipient's name after a couple of days of no response. I don't check what/who I sent to unless there seems to be an issue.

Be careful you don't leave yourself open to accusations of slander or libel if you're going to go around repeating your accusations to all and sundry. He appears to have a professional reputation to protect and may not be nice about you rubbishing it based on what is obviously an error.

Get off your high horse!

He was testing the waters and has probably got 20 excuses to weedle out of it if it backfires. Stop defending pervy chancers.

What are you going to do, OP?

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:52

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 07:47

So it was a mistake. He was probably in another conversation at the same time as sorting out his cleaning in your conversation. He mixed the messages. His other conversation probably continued and he didn’t think to check on his cleaning messages with you. You then replied and he saw a new message from the cleaner and he then realised his error. Why did you send this to his partner? It sounds like you did this before he replied it was a mistake. That’s just nasty. It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship.

Show quote history

As lots of us have said-when he didn't get a response to his pervy text from whomever he was texting with, he would have realised his mistake. So why did he wait fir OP's reply before apologising.

It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship

Complain to whom? And if the text was meant for the girlfriend, then all will be fine. If not, then she will at least now know what a creep he is.

SquirrelMadness · 15/05/2025 07:54

I don't understand why people are so sure this wasn't a mistake.

I understand that it's impossible to know for sure, I understand why it was a shock and that you feel upset and disgusted, I understand why you don't want to clean there again.

But it's quite easy to text the wrong person by mistake, I don't see why so many people are so sure this didn't happen. My partner sent a client a message that was meant for me once, it wasn't a sexual message, just would have been totally random. He didn't realise until the client responded. You don't need to go into a conversation to see someone hasn't replied. Maybe when he saw his partner wasn't answering he thought she'd gone to sleep or was doing something else so just didn't give it much more thought.

I think the way OP dealt with it was fine, I just don't get why people are so sure and why mentioning the possibility that it was a mistake makes people naive. Texting the wrong person by mistake is easy to do!

BanditsWife · 15/05/2025 07:57

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 15/05/2025 07:48

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, all of the histrionics on this thread because an older adult male is still sexually active and accidentally sent a message to the cleaner that was very clearly meant for someone else.

The tone is very clearly and completely different in the last message in comparison to the previous messages. The first messages are business like and the last one is a jokey chatty tone you use with a friend or partner.

The notion that a man is automatically a pervert for still being a sexual being at 70+ is quite frankly an overreaction, if not outright actual ageism and sexism.

As for why he didn't immediately text to apologise for making a mistake, how often do people read their texts after sending if they've received no ding of response. I know I wouldn't notice if I sent to the wrong recipient. I might check the intended recipient's name after a couple of days of no response. I don't check what/who I sent to unless there seems to be an issue.

Be careful you don't leave yourself open to accusations of slander or libel if you're going to go around repeating your accusations to all and sundry. He appears to have a professional reputation to protect and may not be nice about you rubbishing it based on what is obviously an error.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with his age. Quite happy for any adult of age to be sexually active, but being sexually active doesn’t mean dragging unsuspecting people into your sex life by messaging them about it. Ffs.

Why didn’t he respond straight away? Like he did when he was called out.

99namechanges · 15/05/2025 07:57

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:45

Thanks again @PlutoCat . I didnt screenshot to gf to get him dumped but explain why I quit as she hired me. Dont want him saying i didnt turn up or he doesnt know why i am no longer cleaning at his. I dont feel safe if he thinks ok to send that.

This AM he messaged straight back apologising when I said creepy and sexual harassment. Shame he didnt apologise at the time if fat finger texting. Not the sort of text u send and dont expect engagement

Show quote history

He's sorry that he's been exposed as a predator, if you had responded how he fantasised he wouldn't have been sorry.

Fromage · 15/05/2025 07:58

The message was probably meant for his partner, BUT.

Maybe he's playing away?
Maybe by seeing the wording of his message, his girlfriend will know he doesn't usually text her that way, and know something's up?
Maybe he was doing the oops not meant for you thing because that gives him a kick?

Maybe maybe maybe. The thing is, as women, we know all of the above is plausible, and we have no way of knowing if it is fact. I think the best thing to do in these situations is walk away, rather than stress yourself out for weeks until it becomes clear one way or the other. This man has given you the task of working that out.

So, probably not meant for you, but disturbing enough for it not to be worth continuing the job or contact.

I think you've done the right thing.

SquirrelMadness · 15/05/2025 07:59

BanditsWife · 15/05/2025 07:57

It’s absolutely nothing to do with his age. Quite happy for any adult of age to be sexually active, but being sexually active doesn’t mean dragging unsuspecting people into your sex life by messaging them about it. Ffs.

Why didn’t he respond straight away? Like he did when he was called out.

Show quote history

Maybe because he didn't realise his mistake until OP texted him back? Why is this not a possibility?

Luckypoppy · 15/05/2025 08:06

Well done! No way should you have to deal with that ever never mind in the workplace. At my workplace he would be suspended!

Zonder · 15/05/2025 08:09

He may not have apologised until you texted this morning because he may not have realised he sent it to the wrong person. I have sent messages to the wrong person (although not pervy messages!) and not realised until the person it was meant for said they never got my message.

However I still wouldn't want to keep working for him!

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:10

BanditsWife · 15/05/2025 07:57

It’s absolutely nothing to do with his age. Quite happy for any adult of age to be sexually active, but being sexually active doesn’t mean dragging unsuspecting people into your sex life by messaging them about it. Ffs.

Why didn’t he respond straight away? Like he did when he was called out.

Show quote history

Because the op is his cleaner and he messaged the op by mistake. If shed’d replied right away he would have seen new message from cleaner and opened it and then realised his mistake.

harriethoyle · 15/05/2025 08:10

SquirrelMadness · 15/05/2025 07:59

Maybe because he didn't realise his mistake until OP texted him back? Why is this not a possibility?

Show quote history

Absolutely. It’s very odd @LemonLass didnt even engage with this possibility 🙄

99namechanges · 15/05/2025 08:11

SquirrelMadness · 15/05/2025 07:59

Maybe because he didn't realise his mistake until OP texted him back? Why is this not a possibility?

Show quote history

If you send a message like that to someone...

  1. You double check who you are sending it to.
  2. You're obviously wanting a response so you would check to see if they've read it and be waiting for a response.
MintChocCat · 15/05/2025 08:13

thestudio · 14/05/2025 23:04

Yes air enough in one sense - it's possible it was accidental.

But actually I was addressing the people who think it isn't accidental, but still advice conciliatory behaviour (which is what calling this 'inappropriate' - rather than sexually abusive or sexually exploitative, predatory etc - is)

Show quote history

Understood, and yes I agree with you 1000% in that case.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:16

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:52

As lots of us have said-when he didn't get a response to his pervy text from whomever he was texting with, he would have realised his mistake. So why did he wait fir OP's reply before apologising.

It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship

Complain to whom? And if the text was meant for the girlfriend, then all will be fine. If not, then she will at least now know what a creep he is.

Show quote history

As I wrote the op is his cleaner and the message wasn’t intended for her. His other conversation probably continued. Once the op replied he saw a new message from the cleaner, opened it and realised his mistake.
Complain to the op perhaps? Sending to the partner is out of order. He can write what he likes to others - obviously it was a mistake to the op. If his relationship ends because of this perhaps there’s a legal route? This man’s life is none of the OP’s business but she decided to send the text to the partner. That’s nasty and stirring.

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 08:16

harriethoyle · 15/05/2025 08:10

Absolutely. It’s very odd @LemonLass didnt even engage with this possibility 🙄

Show quote history

So what, though? Not the OP’s problem if he accidentally sent his repellent mini-ode to masturbation to his cleaner instead of his girlfriend, his bit on the side, the next-door neighbour. Her sole concern is with where it landed. It’s not her job to advise him of his error.

One does also wonder about the psychology of someone sending that message, even to someone he’s in a relationship with. Is the image of him, trousers down, his right hand and lube getting busy, supposed to arouse the recipient to a sexual frenzy?

frillynix · 15/05/2025 08:18

I do enjoy the threads where everyone is sooooo certain their opinion is a god given fact. Nobody really knows if this was a genuine error or a deliberate thing. Only he knows what his motives are. Let’s all stop pretending that we are oracles of everything when it’s purely speculation.

Op if you felt uncomfortable you did the right thing. However I’m not so sure it was intentional. No point you being ‘raging’ about it now, just move on and try to find other work.

frillynix · 15/05/2025 08:21

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 08:16

So what, though? Not the OP’s problem if he accidentally sent his repellent mini-ode to masturbation to his cleaner instead of his girlfriend, his bit on the side, the next-door neighbour. Her sole concern is with where it landed. It’s not her job to advise him of his error.

One does also wonder about the psychology of someone sending that message, even to someone he’s in a relationship with. Is the image of him, trousers down, his right hand and lube getting busy, supposed to arouse the recipient to a sexual frenzy?

Show quote history

See the whole tone of this message is derisory towards the man. Yes he absolutely shouldn’t have sent the message to op - deliberate or not it was a massive faux pas that has cost him his cleaner. Highly inappropriate.

But all this bleating about how disgusting he is, how creepy, how it wouldn’t whip anyone up into sexual frenzy - it reeks of sexism and ageism to be honest. He’s allowed sexual urges at the age of 70 he just needs to make sure they’re directed at the right person.

NetZeroZealot · 15/05/2025 08:23

So many people making excuses for this odious creep of a man.
The message was clearly intended as a response to her comment about ‘razz’ - not a word I know and one which could easily be misinterpreted.
He was either hoping she’d enter into a conversation with him or deliberately wanting to make her uncomfortable.
The OP did the right thing sending it to his partner & quitting the job.
standing up for herself.

TeeBee · 15/05/2025 08:23

It seems so out of the blue I would have assumed it was an accident. Last week I nearly sent something inappropriate to my builder as my phone typed a conversation I was having with my partner while I was partway through a message to my builder. I must have pressed record accidentally while distracted. If I’d have accidentally pressed send without checking what I’d written, I’d have been very embarrassed. It wasn’t filth but still inappropriate.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:24

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 07:47

So it was a mistake. He was probably in another conversation at the same time as sorting out his cleaning in your conversation. He mixed the messages. His other conversation probably continued and he didn’t think to check on his cleaning messages with you. You then replied and he saw a new message from the cleaner and he then realised his error. Why did you send this to his partner? It sounds like you did this before he replied it was a mistake. That’s just nasty. It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship.

Show quote history

They can take action for him sending me a smutty text? Are you for real?!

I sent the screenshot to gf as she hired me to clean at his property. I don't want her thinking I just couldn't be bothered to role out of bed and clean. I don't feel safe if there is a chance this is who he is. I am a lone worker, working in a private home.

If message intended for his gf, there shouldn't be any fall out? I hope they have a giggle over it if it was unintentional and meant for her. I am not laughing. I feel sick as think his apology is a 'clean up' operation of his own.

His text. His problem.

OP posts:
JojoM1981 · 15/05/2025 08:25

Zonder · 15/05/2025 08:09

He may not have apologised until you texted this morning because he may not have realised he sent it to the wrong person. I have sent messages to the wrong person (although not pervy messages!) and not realised until the person it was meant for said they never got my message.

However I still wouldn't want to keep working for him!

Surely If you were to send a message of this nature and not received a reply, wouldn't you double check why there was no response?

99namechanges · 15/05/2025 08:26

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 08:16

As I wrote the op is his cleaner and the message wasn’t intended for her. His other conversation probably continued. Once the op replied he saw a new message from the cleaner, opened it and realised his mistake.
Complain to the op perhaps? Sending to the partner is out of order. He can write what he likes to others - obviously it was a mistake to the op. If his relationship ends because of this perhaps there’s a legal route? This man’s life is none of the OP’s business but she decided to send the text to the partner. That’s nasty and stirring.

Show quote history

Are you honestly being serious?
A legal route 🤣🤣

YankeeDad · 15/05/2025 08:28

frillynix · 15/05/2025 08:21

See the whole tone of this message is derisory towards the man. Yes he absolutely shouldn’t have sent the message to op - deliberate or not it was a massive faux pas that has cost him his cleaner. Highly inappropriate.

But all this bleating about how disgusting he is, how creepy, how it wouldn’t whip anyone up into sexual frenzy - it reeks of sexism and ageism to be honest. He’s allowed sexual urges at the age of 70 he just needs to make sure they’re directed at the right person.

Show quote history

The message was creepy, regardless of his age.

Sending it to his cleaner was doubly creepy.

His behaviour afterwards (silence, until called out on it) suggests he probably did it on purpose, wanted a fig leaf of plausible deniability, but was also either trying his luck or at best wanting to engage in sexually charged banter with his cleaner. Which is creepy.

He deserves derision. And he deserves to clean up his own poo.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 08:29

frillynix · 15/05/2025 08:21

See the whole tone of this message is derisory towards the man. Yes he absolutely shouldn’t have sent the message to op - deliberate or not it was a massive faux pas that has cost him his cleaner. Highly inappropriate.

But all this bleating about how disgusting he is, how creepy, how it wouldn’t whip anyone up into sexual frenzy - it reeks of sexism and ageism to be honest. He’s allowed sexual urges at the age of 70 he just needs to make sure they’re directed at the right person.

Show quote history

It isn't the sexual behaviour in his own home with anyone consenting that is the issue. His age mentioned for context. He is a father to grown up children, they have small children. He is a semi retired professional worker so not some old doddery character. He is mentally and physically active -no shock horror that he also happens to be 70.

I can't imagine he would be sending that text to a long term gf so makes me think who was it intended for? I am thinking testing the waters with the cleaner. I hope I am wrong but following the message and no apology until I message this AM to say message creepy and sexual harassment, I can't work for him safely (overstepping boundaries)

OP posts:
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