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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
WWW3434 · 15/05/2025 07:12

Well done @LemonLass

The old "it was a mistake" lie. He texted back straight away so he fully knew what he was doing and was waiting for your reply.

Totally sick to death of these vile men.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:12

GreenFriedTomato · 15/05/2025 02:05

I'm English. Also old. Going out on the razz often just meant going for a evening/night out. Didn't even have to be messy or on the pull.
Just dressing up and going for a drink or dancing for example.

Show quote history

Razz around on a motorbike = race around or casual ride

OP posts:
Wimbledonmum1985 · 15/05/2025 07:15

Honestly, why would you even have to ask on MN? This isn’t the kind of thing you need to have any doubt about. Surely you know what to do.

Bimblebombles · 15/05/2025 07:24

Well done

everythingthelighttouches · 15/05/2025 07:28

Totally irrelevant whether by accident or not.

That is a totally inappropriate message and it’s not about what he intended, it’s about how you feel.
Which is disgusted and unsafe.

I think you did the right thing and this is all his problem now (as it should be).

I would have zero further interactions with him or his girlfriend/partner.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:28

Wimbledonmum1985 · 15/05/2025 07:15

Honestly, why would you even have to ask on MN? This isn’t the kind of thing you need to have any doubt about. Surely you know what to do.

I have been through some things including gaslighting. I asked in hope of objectivity. Thanks

OP posts:
Cycleaway · 15/05/2025 07:30

It might have been an accident, it might not have. But the fact is whoever it was intended for must have been conversing with him, so he surely would have expected a response, that he surely would have checked for. The chances that he didn’t realise his ‘mistake’ until you confronted him are pretty slim if you ask me. But that’s being generous, I think it wasn’t an accident. And I think you did the right thing confronting him/them about it. As an aside, I also think £13/h doesn’t seem enough to pay a cleaner where I live, so the silver lining could be that you could push your prices up for the replacement client

Tulipsontoast · 15/05/2025 07:31

You’ve handled it really well, hope that you are ok.

AlpacaMittens · 15/05/2025 07:32

itsgettingweird · 15/05/2025 07:04

Oh cross posted and see it’s a mistake but you are right to stick with your decision that mistake or not he’s made you feel uncomfortable.

Lord give me strength

OF COURSE he would say it's a mistake!!!!! He cannot and would not say anything else!!!!!!

We will never know 100% which one it was, but he was ALWAYS going to reply that it was a mistake!

My view is it was not a mistake, he knew exactly what message he sent and to whom.

Good on you @LemonLass

The majority of the responses in this thread have ranged from stupid to scary.

IButtleSir · 15/05/2025 07:33

Hadmysay · 15/05/2025 02:48

Neither do I I'm confused

Show quote history

Click on the photo!

(It's the new "Cancel the cheque!")

NoHardSelling · 15/05/2025 07:35

Well done OP. You did the right thing. He is not a sweet ‘doddery’ old man. He is an entitled sleaze who has behaved like creepy men of any age. Do not doubt yourself.

Eddielizzard · 15/05/2025 07:36

No it wasn't a mistake. Far too little too late. What a tosser. I'm sorry you've lost income over yet another arsehole

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:37

Cycleaway · 15/05/2025 07:30

It might have been an accident, it might not have. But the fact is whoever it was intended for must have been conversing with him, so he surely would have expected a response, that he surely would have checked for. The chances that he didn’t realise his ‘mistake’ until you confronted him are pretty slim if you ask me. But that’s being generous, I think it wasn’t an accident. And I think you did the right thing confronting him/them about it. As an aside, I also think £13/h doesn’t seem enough to pay a cleaner where I live, so the silver lining could be that you could push your prices up for the replacement client

Made worse by him immediately texting when my reply about creepy and sexual harassment 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:37

Eddielizzard · 15/05/2025 07:36

No it wasn't a mistake. Far too little too late. What a tosser. I'm sorry you've lost income over yet another arsehole

Universa1 cred1t will not be happy 😫

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2025 07:37

I think he was texting you and gf at same time. Sent it to you by mistake and he then didn’t look at texts hence didn’t say omfg. That’s not for you. I’m so sorry

you said you sent to gf who advertised the cleaning job so what was her reply

if he was texting her at same time it could be innocent

it just seems so diff in context I don’t think was meant for you

I would have replied back at once

this is not for me.

Inappropriate

BanditsWife · 15/05/2025 07:37

Sorry this happened and well done OP.

Can’t believe people think this was a mistake. It was a test to see how you responded. So easy to say “Oh gosh, it was a mistake!” if the victim doesn’t respond positively.

Fucking men. This should be treated like flashing. No one would care if someone said, “Whoops, I meant to flash at someone else, they would have liked it, sorry you got flashed at instead,” they would just see it for what it is: a pervert getting his kicks from being opportunistic and threatening.

springissprung2025 · 15/05/2025 07:41

Text back ‘why have you sent this?’ Gives him the opportunity to immediately apologise or to show you he meant it. I’m of the opinion it’s clearly been sent accidentally. It’s easy to send a text to the last person you were communicating with accidentally. And the tone is different. Bet the poor bloke will be mortified.

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:41

So sorry OP. He was definitely chancing his arm. I hope his girlfriend dumps him.

WWW3434 · 15/05/2025 07:41

it just seems so diff in context I don’t think was meant for you

ffs - as if pervs care about "context" 🙄

They think, they do, then lie when challenged.

Stop excusing vile behaviour, it helps no-one

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:42

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2025 07:37

I think he was texting you and gf at same time. Sent it to you by mistake and he then didn’t look at texts hence didn’t say omfg. That’s not for you. I’m so sorry

you said you sent to gf who advertised the cleaning job so what was her reply

if he was texting her at same time it could be innocent

it just seems so diff in context I don’t think was meant for you

I would have replied back at once

this is not for me.

Inappropriate

I replied with facts and aimed at removing my reaction eg the text was creepy and is sexual harassment.

He text straight back apologising. I am now thinking he did intend for me not his long term partner. She probably knows what he does when she isnt there. I didnt and dont care but telling me is sexual exploitation - I am "just the cleaner"

OP posts:
JojoM1981 · 15/05/2025 07:45

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:37

Universa1 cred1t will not be happy 😫

Show quote history

Make sure you tell them why and keep the messages as proof.

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:45

All the people who think it was a mistake.

Why did he not apologise as soon as he realised what had happened-which he soon would have when he didn't get a reply from whomever the pervy text was meant for?

He knew what he was doing.

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 07:45

PlutoCat · 15/05/2025 07:41

So sorry OP. He was definitely chancing his arm. I hope his girlfriend dumps him.

Thanks again @PlutoCat . I didnt screenshot to gf to get him dumped but explain why I quit as she hired me. Dont want him saying i didnt turn up or he doesnt know why i am no longer cleaning at his. I dont feel safe if he thinks ok to send that.

This AM he messaged straight back apologising when I said creepy and sexual harassment. Shame he didnt apologise at the time if fat finger texting. Not the sort of text u send and dont expect engagement

OP posts:
MoistVonL · 15/05/2025 07:46

Good for you for having boundaries and not accepting his nonsense.

You really do need to raise your prices! And you can find another client in a heartbeat if you want one - cleaners are like gold dust in most areas.

ButterCrackers · 15/05/2025 07:47

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 06:53

Thanks @AliCatWalk
I have had a cr@ppy night due to pre-occupation and neing blind sided.

I have scrrenshot it to his gf who requested help for him for cleaning and said not only is it creepy, it is sexual harassmemt. I will not tolerate either and will no longer be cleaning for him.

I have just text him saying that his message was creepy and sexual harassment. I will not tolerate either.

He text straight back and said it was completely by mistake. Why the heck didnt he say that at the time? I will not be emgaging with this person. I have not told him his gf got a copy. His text, his problem. I am raging.

Show quote history

So it was a mistake. He was probably in another conversation at the same time as sorting out his cleaning in your conversation. He mixed the messages. His other conversation probably continued and he didn’t think to check on his cleaning messages with you. You then replied and he saw a new message from the cleaner and he then realised his error. Why did you send this to his partner? It sounds like you did this before he replied it was a mistake. That’s just nasty. It might be that this couple complain about you taking action to ruin their relationship.