Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

999 replies

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 18:52

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.
OP posts:
EatAllDay · 15/05/2025 04:28

Whether it was for you or not it’s pretty gross.
you are worth a million of this perv. Do not go back. You will definitely find another cleaning job with the same pay.
I am sick of disgusting men !! Stand up to him. You are doing an amazing job in keeping the plates spinning as a single parent

Velmy · 15/05/2025 04:31

My first instinct was that he's a doddery old bloke who's sent it in error and either not realized yet or is absolutely mortified and doesn't know what to say. But who knows?

I might message him along the lines of "I assume this disgusting message wasn't meant for me, but please double check what you're sending in future as it's made me feel very uncomfortable and I'm not sure if I can continue working for you."

If it was a genuine mistake, he should be falling over himself to apologise to you. You can base your decision on how sincere you think he is.

UglyBastardFace · 15/05/2025 04:32

AlpacaMittens · 15/05/2025 04:17

Literally an insane thread. All the posts advising the OP to ask if the message was intended for her and then make a decision accordingly based on his response - as if there is a single fucking chance he could come back with "yeah, sorry, it was indeed meant for you 🙁"

Honestly wtf are those DOZENS of PPs thinking?

This.

Absolutely insane the excuses for this guy here.

OP, don't go back. Don't risk your safety. Don't be alone in a house with him.

Don't give him an out by asking "is this meant for me?"

Block, don't return.

NoHardSelling · 15/05/2025 04:37

I am with you OP. He is a creep and perving on a younger woman. I would tell his partner and also not go back. Tbh even if it was an error, I would feel uncomfortable now. Just gross.

NoHardSelling · 15/05/2025 04:38

And 🙄 at so many giving this sleaze the benefit of the doubt. And using his age as an excuse. Ridiculous. He is not a frail 90y with dementia.

AliCatWalk · 15/05/2025 04:47

@LemonLass Here's a vote for NOT an accident, and even if it was, any of the reactions you mentioned would be understandable! I find it all too believable that he did indeed drastically shift tone, and in a very inappropriate way! Even if it were an accident and you sent the screenshot, returned the key, and never went back, he would still have no right to act shocked. I think you were right to leave the ball in his court with the message rather than give him an easy out. Sorry for all the dubious responses you're getting on here! Hope this all ends as well as possible for you 🙏

Mothership4two · 15/05/2025 04:57

No way would I go back for whatever reason he sent it.

It is odd though. Goes from chatty polite to THAT. A total personality change. It reads like someone has hacked his phone - not saying that is what happened but it sounds weird

JojoM1981 · 15/05/2025 05:22

Velmy · 15/05/2025 04:31

My first instinct was that he's a doddery old bloke who's sent it in error and either not realized yet or is absolutely mortified and doesn't know what to say. But who knows?

I might message him along the lines of "I assume this disgusting message wasn't meant for me, but please double check what you're sending in future as it's made me feel very uncomfortable and I'm not sure if I can continue working for you."

If it was a genuine mistake, he should be falling over himself to apologise to you. You can base your decision on how sincere you think he is.

This!! 100 percent.

Verydemure · 15/05/2025 05:31

my first thought on reading was that it has been sent in error.

its out of nowhere. and it’s nowhere in keeping with rest of conversation.

I don’t think he’s been thinking of you OP when writing it - you’ve just been the last person he texted.

it is also not unusual for me to send a message and not check my phone for hours.

it especially common for a 70 year old who lived a large part of their life without a mobile.

also, have you ever been in his presence ? It sounds like he barely ever is around for more than a few minutes when you are there. If he was a perv, he’d be hanging around trying to chat.

up to you what you do OP. But I reckon the poor bloke is just mortified ( or will be)

GroovyChick87 · 15/05/2025 05:40

Verydemure · 15/05/2025 05:31

my first thought on reading was that it has been sent in error.

its out of nowhere. and it’s nowhere in keeping with rest of conversation.

I don’t think he’s been thinking of you OP when writing it - you’ve just been the last person he texted.

it is also not unusual for me to send a message and not check my phone for hours.

it especially common for a 70 year old who lived a large part of their life without a mobile.

also, have you ever been in his presence ? It sounds like he barely ever is around for more than a few minutes when you are there. If he was a perv, he’d be hanging around trying to chat.

up to you what you do OP. But I reckon the poor bloke is just mortified ( or will be)

He's 70, not 98. Mobiles have been common for around the last 25 years. He knows how to use it. Some men are sleazy and this is one of them. The problem is, he's only going to admit to the text being for OP if she replies in kind.

chatgptsbestmate · 15/05/2025 05:50

Its been sent to you in error

Unless for some weird reason he thinks razz is the same as jizz? And he thinks you've opened up some sort of sex conversation?

Lord knows. It's all quite odd. I don't think I could work for him again

AmateurNoun · 15/05/2025 06:21

It doesn't make any sense for this to be sent in error.

The punctuation style is too similar to his previous texts to be hacking/spoofing etc.

Trust your instincts OP.

MollyRover · 15/05/2025 06:29

He’s obviously sent this in error and hasn’t realized yet because he’s had no reason to look at his messages from you (because you understandably didn’t reply). I still wouldn’t want to work for him anymore but I doubt very much that this was intended for you.

NetZeroZealot · 15/05/2025 06:43

He is 70. That’s really not very old.
The message was deliberate.
Quit working immediately and leave the key.
There are plenty of other cleaning jobs around.

NetZeroZealot · 15/05/2025 06:46

I know loads of 70 year olds. They all know perfectly well how to use a phone.

i don’t believe it was sent in error.

JHound · 15/05/2025 06:51

So at any age they are all the same….

RockingBeebo · 15/05/2025 06:51

LemonLass · 14/05/2025 21:07

OMG @PlutoCat what a creep to have done that.

I have cleaned twice and he is quirky in personality in my opinion but I just thought because he doesnt know me. I wondering if I am painting a picture because his number is in my phone as Cleaning client XYZ. He only texts. His number shows in whatsapp with his (male) topless selfie and I wonder if this is me adding 2 + 2 together and getting 5 or if this is the "real" him starting to evolve.

Jeesh 😫

Edited
Show quote history

The fact that is WhatsApp photo is an elderly topless selfie makes me feel a bit sick. Definitely adds to the picture of him being a perv and the message being completely deliberate

Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 06:53

AliCatWalk · 15/05/2025 04:47

@LemonLass Here's a vote for NOT an accident, and even if it was, any of the reactions you mentioned would be understandable! I find it all too believable that he did indeed drastically shift tone, and in a very inappropriate way! Even if it were an accident and you sent the screenshot, returned the key, and never went back, he would still have no right to act shocked. I think you were right to leave the ball in his court with the message rather than give him an easy out. Sorry for all the dubious responses you're getting on here! Hope this all ends as well as possible for you 🙏

Thanks @AliCatWalk
I have had a cr@ppy night due to pre-occupation and neing blind sided.

I have scrrenshot it to his gf who requested help for him for cleaning and said not only is it creepy, it is sexual harassmemt. I will not tolerate either and will no longer be cleaning for him.

I have just text him saying that his message was creepy and sexual harassment. I will not tolerate either.

He text straight back and said it was completely by mistake. Why the heck didnt he say that at the time? I will not be emgaging with this person. I have not told him his gf got a copy. His text, his problem. I am raging.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonLass · 15/05/2025 06:56

MollyRover · 15/05/2025 06:29

He’s obviously sent this in error and hasn’t realized yet because he’s had no reason to look at his messages from you (because you understandably didn’t reply). I still wouldn’t want to work for him anymore but I doubt very much that this was intended for you.

Thanks, that message has just made things awkward/impossible even if was a mistake.

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 15/05/2025 06:57

Of course it was for the op he is testing how far he can go with a get out of oops so sorry it wasn’t for you nonsense

why make excuses for these creeps

I wouldn’t go back op and tell him exactly why

JustMyView13 · 15/05/2025 06:58

I would reply:
Sir, this message is vile! I am young enough to be your grandchild! I will be returning your key & you can find someone else to clean for you.

I’d send this print screen to the relative that arranged it and say:
I will not be cleaning for X going forward following this disgusting message. I require payment in full for tomorrow, as this is a late notice cancellation caused by X. [Attach print screen of chat]

(You may not get paid for it but assert yourself and ask).

JustMyView13 · 15/05/2025 07:01

Just seen your update - good for you! Absolute perv, ofc he was trying his luck.
Can’t believe the people making excuses.

itsgettingweird · 15/05/2025 07:03

I’m guessing mistake as it’s not in line at all with any of the other messages.

But regardless of that I wouldn’t go and clean for someone who made me feel unsafe.

So the decision is if he apologises and said it was intended for X - would you feel happy cleaning for him anymore?

itsgettingweird · 15/05/2025 07:04

Oh cross posted and see it’s a mistake but you are right to stick with your decision that mistake or not he’s made you feel uncomfortable.

99namechanges · 15/05/2025 07:06

LemonLass · 15/05/2025 06:53

Thanks @AliCatWalk
I have had a cr@ppy night due to pre-occupation and neing blind sided.

I have scrrenshot it to his gf who requested help for him for cleaning and said not only is it creepy, it is sexual harassmemt. I will not tolerate either and will no longer be cleaning for him.

I have just text him saying that his message was creepy and sexual harassment. I will not tolerate either.

He text straight back and said it was completely by mistake. Why the heck didnt he say that at the time? I will not be emgaging with this person. I have not told him his gf got a copy. His text, his problem. I am raging.

Show quote history

Good for you. Some people are so naive believing this was a mistake it's the equivalent of a flasher taking someone by surprise or a random dick pic, it catches you unaware, it's meant to threaten and make you feel unsettled he's a nasty old perv and has got away with it till the age of 70 because women he has tried this with have been conditioned to accept this shit.